My daughter was told flat out, very early on, K or 1st grade, by her best friend that there was no Santa Claus, it was just your parents. (Which is what that child's parents had told her from even earlier on - they never did Santa).

My daughter immediately asked me if that was true, and I used all sorts of diversions to just get her to drop it. "Hmm, I don't know, what I was told as a child was... I definitely don't have a lot of money for presents, so do you think Mommy and Daddy could afford to buy all that for you?" etc. And it seemed to satisfy her for a while.

In 2nd grade, in the face of overwhelming pressure from her friend, she demanded I tell her the absolute truth. So I did. She burst into tears, and said "Why did you tell me there's no Santa!!!!" When she calmed down, she said, "Well, at least there's still the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny".

By CHristmastime in 3rd grade, she gave every appearance of continuing to believe in Santa, and she stopped asking.

Now she is in fourth grade and apparently unironically, has written a letter to Santa, and talks about Santa as if she still believes -- none of this "wink, wink", I'm writing a letter to SANTA CLAUSE- really you guys. So I don't know what to think! I think she really wasn't ready all that time and wanted to believe, so she just went back to forgetting what I told her?

Anonymous wrote:Last year my then 7 year old begged me, distraught, to tell him straight up, about the tooth fairy. This was after Christmas. He was really questioning that fairy. So I told him the fairy was really me. And then he wails and says "and Santa is just a myth, too!" That was a sad night. After thinking about it a bit, my husband and I agreed to make a sort of ceremony for my son, welcoming him into "The Santa Conspiracy," the group of people in the know who are "Santa" to other people and keep the spirit of Santa alive. That made him feel good, and he is very cheerfully anticipating Christmas this year, and is upholding the Santa conspiracy with his little cousin and not ruining Elf on the Shelf for friends who still believe. And the thing about our Santa Conspiracy is it allows him to enter into the whole shebang of Santa fantasy in all its glory while knowing it is all play. Its actually very sweet, and the whole family is enjoying it this year.

This is fantastic.

Anonymous wrote:We never did but always told them he was just a story.

same. Santa is the embodiment of giving and sharing with others, but Mom and Dad give you Christmas gifts.

I absolutely agree with the "When they ask they want to hear he's real. When they don't believe they'll say so straight up." theory.
I remember I had a phase when I started not believing. I was 9 or 10. My parents promised the Christ Child (yeah sorry, we are german...no Santa for us) was real and brings the presents. Then I got a Game Boy for Christmas and THAT made me believe again because no way would my parents have gotten that for me! LOL

So...she's asking? She's hoping you can convince her to believe some more.

Anonymous wrote:Last year my then 7 year old begged me, distraught, to tell him straight up, about the tooth fairy. This was after Christmas. He was really questioning that fairy. So I told him the fairy was really me. And then he wails and says "and Santa is just a myth, too!" That was a sad night. After thinking about it a bit, my husband and I agreed to make a sort of ceremony for my son, welcoming him into "The Santa Conspiracy," the group of people in the know who are "Santa" to other people and keep the spirit of Santa alive. That made him feel good, and he is very cheerfully anticipating Christmas this year, and is upholding the Santa conspiracy with his little cousin and not ruining Elf on the Shelf for friends who still believe. And the thing about our Santa Conspiracy is it allows him to enter into the whole shebang of Santa fantasy in all its glory while knowing it is all play. Its actually very sweet, and the whole family is enjoying it this year.

I like this.

-- the mom of the 9 and 3 y.o. girls.

Last year my then 7 year old begged me, distraught, to tell him straight up, about the tooth fairy. This was after Christmas. He was really questioning that fairy. So I told him the fairy was really me. And then he wails and says "and Santa is just a myth, too!" That was a sad night. After thinking about it a bit, my husband and I agreed to make a sort of ceremony for my son, welcoming him into "The Santa Conspiracy," the group of people in the know who are "Santa" to other people and keep the spirit of Santa alive. That made him feel good, and he is very cheerfully anticipating Christmas this year, and is upholding the Santa conspiracy with his little cousin and not ruining Elf on the Shelf for friends who still believe. And the thing about our Santa Conspiracy is it allows him to enter into the whole shebang of Santa fantasy in all its glory while knowing it is all play. Its actually very sweet, and the whole family is enjoying it this year.

I have no intention of telling my DS. He definitely believes, after all Santa called him last year and knew everything about him including all his cousins names

I don't remember my parents telling us. We just figured it out.

When I was in college my father asked me to get something out of his sock drawer, not sure why I had never been in their in my childhood, but anyway, inside the drawer was a broken toy of mine. When I was really young I had a toy named "Squeakles" He was a plastic squeaky mouse I received as a baby. I LOVED this toy. He broke when I was 3 or so and my parents told me Santa could fix him. Sure enough Squeakles was all fixed and under the tree that Christmas. I thought it was so sweet that my father kept the original Squeakles all those years. I now have him in my house. The funny thing is the replacement Squeakles was only about 1/2 the size. . Kids aren't dumb, they just want to believe.

I loved believing as child and as an adult i still believe in the spirit of Christmas.

One year in college I was having a particularly stressful time studying for exams so I found a site and wrote a letter to Santa. I got back the most wonderful personal letter from Santa. I wish I had printed it out b/c I can't access my old college email and I don't remember much about the letter except how wonderful it made me feel that Santa had taken the time to write such a touching, personalized and thoughtful letter to a 20 year old girl. I still smile thinking about it.

OP, I don't think you ever have to break the news to anyone. I don't have a single friend who was angry with their parents when they grew up. It makes no sense. I wasn't mad at my elementary school teachers when I found out Columbus didn't discover America.

Anonymous wrote:I have two kids who are 6 yrs apart, so the oldest knows and the youngest doesn't. THe oldest recently told me that he was sad when he figured it out, and he was quite old when that happened. He didn't feel betrayed at all, as he said he understood why people do it, it's nice to have something fun and magical to believe in. He's not about to ruin it for the younger one, either.

This is good to hear. I have a 9 y.o. girl who is struggling to not believe, but we are not helping her one way or the other. We have a 3 y.o. girl too. 9 y.o. happened to see the big present we ordered for 3 y.o. clear as day where the UPS guy left it. She watched DH struggle to bring it into the house. We are trying to figure out how we are going to make this work. We got 9 y.o. something big too, that she hasn't seen. I cannot bring myself to tell 9 y.o. that there is no Santa by giving the big gift to the 3 y.o. and having it be from Santa.

The added issue is that we are actually Jewish, so we could just give the "big" gifts as part of Chanukah anyway. That would be a change in procedure, however, where Chanukah is for small stuff and the big stuff comes on Christmas. Oh, the stress of it all. Bah Humbug!

I told my kids the actual story of St. Nick, so they have historical context of where the story originated. Santa is the now the spirit of giving in memory of St. Nick. You can give your time, money or love. It doesn't have to be material.

I never encouraged my kids to believe in Santa. So they don't. It was never a big deal.

My 10-year-old told me that his friends don't believe Santa is real, but he still does. He said his friends told him Santa was really your parents, but he didn't think his father and I could do all that. So, he has been presented with the facts, but chooses not to believe them.

We went ahead and told my 6 year old. We hadn't made it a huge deal before anyway. And, some of the kids in her first grade class already knew. I didn't want her feeling silly or the other kids thinking she was immature.

I remember feeling like an idiot, and that my parents hadn't been honest! I wanted my kid to know that we'll tell her the truth whenever she asks up questions, so this just seemed like the way to go.

In her first grade class, I'd say about half the kids still believe.

My 8.5 year old still fervently believes. He is such a wildly creative child that his imagination is fully on board with all thins Santa. He can envision the workshop, the planning and mapping of routes, the reindeer feeding schedule before the big event, etc. Same with Tooth Fairy. I think I'LL be the one crying when he realizes Santa isn't real. It's so wonderful to see it all through his eyes.

My six year old is our skeptic. He'll be over it before his older brother, but will take great joy in being part of Santa for his siblings. He loves making people happy so he'll jump right into that role.

My kids are 17 and 14 and I still haven't broken it to them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have two kids who are 6 yrs apart, so the oldest knows and the youngest doesn't. THe oldest recently told me that he was sad when he figured it out, and he was quite old when that happened. He didn't feel betrayed at all, as he said he understood why people do it, it's nice to have something fun and magical to believe in. He's not about to ruin it for the younger one, either.

What a sweet and thoughtful son you have!

Thank you, that's nice of you to say!