Yes! Invite her! She is your kid's grandma. The only relationship they will have is the one you facilitate. It's three days. Suck it up for your kid.

If it were a two hour drive, then maybe more of a gray area but a two hour flight with an uninterested grandma is not gray. No need to invite. If she wants to come, she'll bring it up herself.

Not sure what you're looking for, OP, it seems obvious.
My family and my husband's live across the pond. Our children's birthdays were celebrated either the three of us, for DC1, when we didn't know anybody here, or with friends for DC2.

It's not depressing to be just you three, it's simple. There's a difference!

You just saw her in October? Yeah, send her some pictures and call it a day

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like MIL is depressed or chronically apathetic. I hope she has hobbies and friends. Doesn't sound good. I digress...

Yes this.

She actually seems like she'd be pretty easy to get along with, OP. Don't assume that b/c she doesn't "comment" on baby pictures that she's disinterested in being a grandparent.

OP here. Easy to get along with is totally wrong. This woman loves her drama. There are so many times she has stopped speaking to my husband for some little slight. She loves to stir up drama and holds massive grudges. She is estranged from her own daughter (for the last 20 years). My husband says she doesn't acknowledge the photos (doesn't say a thing about them) because she's mad at us about something. When I email her she ignores it, won't respond. She's definitely not easy to get along with but she is depressed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like MIL is depressed or chronically apathetic. I hope she has hobbies and friends. Doesn't sound good. I digress...

Yes this.

She actually seems like she'd be pretty easy to get along with, OP. Don't assume that b/c she doesn't "comment" on baby pictures that she's disinterested in being a grandparent.

Send her a cute picture of your 1 year old in front of the birthday cake and stop looking for reasons to find fault with this woman. Time to grow up and just imagine the super critical significant other your DC will end up with.

Doormat advice.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like MIL is depressed or chronically apathetic. I hope she has hobbies and friends. Doesn't sound good. I digress...

OP here. She is definitely depressed but won't see a therapist or do anything about it, and she would never say she is depressed. She has hobbies and maybe 2 friends. She's not a very nice person. Shows zero interest in me and her son.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like MIL is depressed or chronically apathetic. I hope she has hobbies and friends. Doesn't sound good. I digress...

Yes this.

She actually seems like she'd be pretty easy to get along with, OP. Don't assume that b/c she doesn't "comment" on baby pictures that she's disinterested in being a grandparent.

Send her a cute picture of your 1 year old in front of the birthday cake and stop looking for reasons to find fault with this woman. Time to grow up and just imagine the super critical significant other your DC will end up with.

Sounds like MIL is depressed or chronically apathetic. I hope she has hobbies and friends. Doesn't sound good. I digress...

OP here. No, MIL has not brought it up. She has never once asked to visit us. We invite her about twice a year. She also has never asked us to visit her (she lives in the midwest). She's very passive in that sense, or maybe just disinterested in her family. She's just really odd in general. She accepted our invitation for the all-expenses paid vacation in October (with her grandson), but never asked us ahead of time where we were staying, what we were doing, etc. She never gave input into what she wanted to do on the vacation. She didn't seem to care. The whole week we were there she didn't ask me a single thing about myself. Same with my husband. She just talked about herself the whole time.

She never calls us. My husband Skypes with her about once every 2 weeks, other than that they don't talk on the phone or email.

She's always been like this.

Has she brought it up?

No. I tried to make DD's first bday festive by inviting MIL, whose company I don't particularly enjoy. She bailed the day before saying it was too far away (about a 90 minute drive). Not worth the headache. You don't need them to celebrate. Enjoy with your immediate family and any friends who would appreciate it.First birthdays are for the parents, not the baby, so don't drive yourself crazy.

If you're not inviting anyone then you don't need to invite her. But if she says she'd like to visit on DC's birthday, well, get your DH to decide.

Set the tone now and do not invite her.

Under the conditions described, no way.

Celebrating with the three of you is just fine. Don't ruin your baby's first birthday for yourself!