Any chance your parents would move out here?

It sounds like it will be a nightmare once your parents start having health issues, unless your brother is engaged.

Thanks for the great advice. Some of this is very helpful.

Still go visit your parents but don't give your brother a headsup that you're coming. If he comes by uninvited, agree to go out for a walk with him and his family then stick to neutral topics.

I guess a lot depends on how the drama starts when you are together. Is it something you can refuse to engage in?

My brother is dating a woman right now who is borderline, and she's pulling my brother away from my mom, and really the whole family. She's even alienating my brother's kids in favor of her own.

I can't deal with his need for crazy, so I focus on the kids. My nieces and nephews. I try to keep in touch with them and let them know there are adults in their lives who care about them. I don't know if that's an approach you could take. Just dealing with the kids. Or kids and brother (is he just as bad even when his wife isn't there?).