OP, YOU might make the difference in this kid gaining an actual expanded palate! Mom SAYS she's on board with you, but is she really? Has she explained to her son what your rules are (yes, he knows them from hearing them from you, but is she re-inforceing them at her house?) I wouldn't greatly alter what you serve your family, make him take a bite of everything you offer and if he does that, he may partake in dessert. I'd also relax and "one roll rule", it's clear he's not going to fill up on those and not eat anything else

Given that it's a regular weekly thing I would come up with a solution with the Mom. Either she sends his meal, or helps you come up with ideas.

I wouldn't change or add to dinner menu, but the kid can have as many rolls as he wants, and then have dessert with everyone else. You explain to your kids that he has different rules because he is a guest.

OP, stay the course . You are doing a very generous thing and to have to go through all this is too much to ask of you , imho.
I would do as a PP suggested and have a conversation with the mom where you tell her the dilemma and ask her forna solution

Anonymous wrote:It sounds to me like his mom is aware of his issues but doesn't want him to impose on your family. That's great! I would continue to offer a meal that has at least one thing he likes, (so maybe you have 3 nuggets per kid and then some veggies and quinoa salad, etc.).

The only thing I woul change is that I would skip dessert until your guest is gone. Explain toyour kids that you are not willing to change your house rules, but that you feel it is unfair to offer them dessert without him. Make dessert that night something like a piece of chocolate that is very low-maintenance.

Meant to say, skip dessert until after his mom picks him up--your kids can have a piece of chocolate or something at 7, instead of right after dinner.

It sounds to me like his mom is aware of his issues but doesn't want him to impose on your family. That's great! I would continue to offer a meal that has at least one thing he likes, (so maybe you have 3 nuggets per kid and then some veggies and quinoa salad, etc.).

The only thing I woul change is that I would skip dessert until your guest is gone. Explain toyour kids that you are not willing to change your house rules, but that you feel it is unfair to offer them dessert without him. Make dessert that night something like a piece of chocolate that is very low-maintenance.

Anonymous wrote:OP here---For those of you that offer alternatives, how to you handle a it? For example--my son will eat meatloaf. It's not his favorite dinner, but he will eat it. However, if a PB&J sandwich was also offered, he would select that. So how do you handle offering one child a different option that you don't want the other children to also have? And I don't want to get into a habit of alternatives being available for dinner.

Private conversation with my son that explains why the other kid has special rules. That it is generally your house your rules, but also stress that you are not his mother and this was the compromise you agreed upon. Say that this compromise is the only way to keep having him as a regular guest, and part of the compromise is that the compromise doesn't affect the rules for your own children.

Tell the mom that dinner isn't really working - that you can watch him till dinner time and then she really needs to have a sitter. She is getting paid to do her job... why should you watch her kid, who seems to be a pain, for nothing. Playdates are different than consistent babysitting!!!!!!!

Anonymous wrote:Tell your kids that the boy is your guest and guests fall under different rules.


Don't make meals a battle with someone else's kid. Don't make special meals for him, but let him eat whatever you have including dessert.

This. The little boy is a guest and I cannot imagine treating a guest the way you are talking about treating him. It is pretty mean to deny him dessert and then make him watch your family eat it. He's not your kid. Your kids are certainly old enough to understand that guests get special treatment even if they are a weekly guest.

I don't think the no snack thing is totally fair. Yeah, it's 2 hours between home and dinner, but often kids eat lunch at 10:45. That's a long time to wait to eat!

Let the kid have another roll for Christ's sake. Or make this the one night that your kid(s) and this kid can eat kid food, as PP's suggest. What's the worse that'll happen - you have to fire up the oven and put out another baking sheet? And the best thing could be that the kids remember this as a fun tradition. It's not like your own kids will abandon the rules because of this one-night-per-week event.

I disagree. Lighten up, give the kid a pbj and your kid too. In fact, give yourself a break and serve kid food when the kid is over. Your kids know the difference and will eat your food at all other times and the "guest" will in fact feel like a guest not like an outsider.
btdt with children of a very close friend who ate over all the time, except her kids would only eat noodles with butter, so that's what my kids ate too in spite of the fact that we generally have an old fashioned meal with meat, starch, veggies, salad every night-and my kids eat it all. Much more important things to worry about in life.

I have a very picky eater and I would not want you to offer a different meal. I would have a try everything rule instead of eat everything on the plate. Give him very small portions.

If he tries everything that should be fine, if not no dessert.

He is not going to starve just tell the mom, he may be hungry because he does not always like what I serve and she can feed him later.

I wild let him have a second roll though. That is easy to explain to your child that you are just being polite to a guest.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't make any changes to accommodate the kid. You are doing the mom a favor. If she wants her kid to eat dinner, she will figure out another alternative. You are providing free childcare. She can drive through McDonalds on the way to your house if it's a concern.

And to be frank, it sounds like a burger from McDonalds might be healthier than some of the stuff he is used to eating.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't make any changes to accommodate the kid. You are doing the mom a favor. If she wants her kid to eat dinner, she will figure out another alternative. You are providing free childcare. She can drive through McDonalds on the way to your house if it's a concern.

+1

I wouldn't make any changes to accommodate the kid. You are doing the mom a favor. If she wants her kid to eat dinner, she will figure out another alternative. You are providing free childcare. She can drive through McDonalds on the way to your house if it's a concern.