Anonymous wrote:My family has a similar dynamic - we spend every holiday with them, we all live in the same area and I always host. My husband's family lives several states away and after the first couple of years of us not going to their holiday celebrations, I think they wrote us off. Now a dozen years later he is somewhat regretful that he never spends holidays with his family and they do not invite him anymore - just a quick phone call. He has no contact with any extended family, and frankly I'm quite tired of hosting everything.

Sigh. This is familiar to me. My sister pretty much focuses on her husband's family and never comes to visit anymore. I wonder if one day she'll regret it.

Anyways, OP even if your DH doesn't say anything there is a strong chance this is causing other hurt feelings in his family.

Anonymous wrote:My family has a similar dynamic - we spend every holiday with them, we all live in the same area and I always host. My husband's family lives several states away and after the first couple of years of us not going to their holiday celebrations, I think they wrote us off. Now a dozen years later he is somewhat regretful that he never spends holidays with his family and they do not invite him anymore - just a quick phone call. He has no contact with any extended family, and frankly I'm quite tired of hosting everything.

So next year can you ask them if you can come spend the holiday with them?

My family has a similar dynamic - we spend every holiday with them, we all live in the same area and I always host. My husband's family lives several states away and after the first couple of years of us not going to their holiday celebrations, I think they wrote us off. Now a dozen years later he is somewhat regretful that he never spends holidays with his family and they do not invite him anymore - just a quick phone call. He has no contact with any extended family, and frankly I'm quite tired of hosting everything.

Anonymous wrote:I think you sound like a lovely, well meaning person. I think at least every other year or every third year, you need to host Thanksgiving for your brothers and dad on a Friday or Saturday night and go to your in laws for actual Thanksgiving. That way, no one is left out and you can still get to see other family.

+1

You and your DH sound nice. It seems that you are both thinking of each other.

Anonymous wrote:But what if OPs DH is too nice to say anything, but it does really bother him?

Especially now that his parents live a few houses away?

This -- plus it is a way to possibly generate some more closeness with his family. It is a nice thing to do. Your brothers are grown, maybe they want to try something different for once, and are always available because THEY are trying to be nice.
Just try it once. It cannot hurt.

OP, it's great you are thinking about this, but ASK YOUR DH! We don't know what he's like, but I am guessing he's trying to avoid conflict by not speaking up.

It also sounds like your dad/brothers are too dependent on you, and maybe you like that? It's great that DH feels close to them and they all get along, but you should consider seeing DH's family on some holidays, guilt-free. Do you have children? It's also nice for the nuclear family (you+DH+kids) to do something apart from the extended families (your dad/brothers and ILs) on some holidays.

If you think your dad/brothers can't have a holiday without you (or if they will give you guilt about it) then that is actually an indication that you should stop spending every single holiday with them. You all need to learn to live without each other, because eventually it will happen whether the reason is happy (marriage) or sad (death).

I know this is blunt but it's the easiest way for me to give you the message. Not trying to be snarky or rude!

Anonymous wrote:
In addition, I don't know if your brothers are married yet, but when they do, everything will change. And they might rotate with their wives families.

This. Also, why not ask your family how they would feel about moving the day?