Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was super active in greek life in college. With that being said, I had two friends die, one from alcohol poisoning and another from drugs, after frat parties. Another friend of mine was raped, given a drug and passed out and when she woke up something was raping her. I was also the GF of a frat guy and had guys expect that I would be passed around to them as a "present" (their words) when my BF (their frat bro) was done with me. Seen people go into shock from drugs, had to be taken to the hospital in an ambulance, from drugs. All of that stuff with the exception of the two deaths, got brushed under the rug and never touched by any media. But I saw much of it with my own eyes and talked to my friend about her rape and saw the pain in her eyes. The older I get the more I realize how dangerous that scene is, even though it can be a lot of fun.

WTF? Did you go to University of Compton?

Actually my school costs more than $50,000 a year (by a lot). It's one of the most expensive schools in the country and well respected. It also has a rep for being a party school for rich kids, hence the stuff I described.

I never mentioned this before but I dated a "Frat star" at my school. One day we were all partying, and we moved to a different room kind of at the back of the house, where only certain members were at, away from the main party, so certain substances could be performed. Everyone was having a blast and they shut down the lights so it became a backlight party, which was really fun.

Then my bf asked me if I wanted to see the special room. I eagerly nodded. He led me over to a really small hidden doorway, and told me to get on all fours and crawl through this little tiny (seriously, it was probably 2 feet tall, or around that- just large enough to crawl through) passageway. So i did, and after about 4 feet it opened up into a tiny little room, maybe 5 feet tall and 5 feet wide. Might have been even smaller than that- I couldnt stand, and I am 5'5. My BF was 6'3 and was totally hunched. There was one thing in the room: a couch. I was laughing and thought it was fantastic- totally delighted with it all in that naive way of 19 year olds. A couple of my BF's frat bros were standing outside the room, watching my reaction, and were laughing with me about how cool it was. A couple of them kind of joined us (it was a tight fit) before we all crawled back out.

A year or so later, after we had broken up, I invited a good, trusted friend to join me at a party at the house. She informed me that she had been raped (they drugged her drink, she woke up to him on top of her) in the house that I started thinking about that room, wondering how many girls had been subjected to something like that. I have no idea why they never tried any of that with me, since I was young, friendly, and naive as hell. But I'm so grateful they didnt, and my heart just breaks for any girl who had to go through that there.

TL;DR: Frats are a lot of fun when they want to be, and a nightmare for women when they want to be.

Anonymous wrote:I was super active in greek life in college. With that being said, I had two friends die, one from alcohol poisoning and another from drugs, after frat parties. Another friend of mine was raped, given a drug and passed out and when she woke up something was raping her. I was also the GF of a frat guy and had guys expect that I would be passed around to them as a "present" (their words) when my BF (their frat bro) was done with me. Seen people go into shock from drugs, had to be taken to the hospital in an ambulance, from drugs. All of that stuff with the exception of the two deaths, got brushed under the rug and never touched by any media. But I saw much of it with my own eyes and talked to my friend about her rape and saw the pain in her eyes. The older I get the more I realize how dangerous that scene is, even though it can be a lot of fun.

WTF? Did you go to University of Compton?

When I was at UNC in the 90s, the drunk frat guys would threaten to rape and grope female students who were waiting for the buses near their frat houses.

I know about 2 gang rapes at frats at Hampton Sydney in the 1980s; went to college with both girls. Doesn't include all the date rapes I heard about, with some guys adulterating drinks and weed.

I knew frat guys at other colleges who called the "regular" girls who would come to their parties "coke whores and shroom sluts"--again in 80s Virginia -- basically girls came in and did drugs, and it was perceived they were there to do whatever the guys wanted.

After my freshman year I stayed away from all frats, especially the ones with the richer guys. When I did go to a party I got my own drink and did not let it out of my sight. My friends and I made agreements to stick together and I'm so glad we did.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think everyone knows that these things happen at frat/sorority parties. If you went to college, then none of this is new.

I went to college and was shocked at the accusation of gang rape at UVA. Everyone know these thing happen? None of this is new? Really?

Seriously? You were *shocked* that gang rape happens at frat parties? What hole have you been living in?

Gee, I guess I'm not one of the cool ones in the "top" sorority. You sound like one of those girls, mocking others who don't know the heinous things that go on at frat parties.

Anonymous wrote:There ought to be a night nationwide in which victims place ribbons or flags in front of the locations where they were attacked. I think that would be rather eye-opening.

Wow, what a great idea. I wonder though, if it would be difficult and anxiety producing for victims to do that.

I was in a sorority (in the midwest). There was no alcohol allowed in the house and no boys could stay overnight or leave the first floor of the house (i.e. couldn't go on the bedroom level). All of the official mixers with the fraternities were dry and very proper. The "after parties" were always at the fraternities and of course, had alcohol. I wasn't a drinker, so I didn't really care for those. Plenty of girls did like the parties and rolled home in the morning (hung over). There were girls like me in the house (non drinkers). We were not considered as fun or cool... but we had fun and a place in the house nonetheless. Several of my good friends were the very Christian girls (bible study types). Other friends would go to parties and drink a little, but not crazy drunk or in any trouble.

I think you can find different types in sororities. I remember thinking at the time that I would be o.k. with a future daughter being in a sorority, but I wouldn't want my son to be in a fraternity. I certainly wouldn't encourage a daughter to join a sorority, but they seemed much better (IME) than the fraternities. Of course, each sorority has it's own "style" so maybe some were much worse. Ours was known for having the highest grades of all the sororities, but some of the girls didn't want that to get out b/c they felt it reduced the social invites. whatever.

I'm not a big supporter of greek life, but I didn't have a bad experience and none of my friends from that time had any traumas that I know of.

Anonymous wrote:I was in a sorority at an NJ college. Sure, we were drinking at parties, but people were looking out for each other. Sure, there were couples making out in corners but jeez. It was just a lot of fun and no big whoop. The articles in the news would lead one to believe it's straight-up hedonism, no exceptions. And that's just not true.


Go down south -- very different culture.

And by "south," we're including Dartmouth. [url] http://www.rollingstone.com/culture/news/confessions-of-an-ivy-league-frat-boy-inside-dartmouths-hazing-abuses-20120328
[/url]

The Greek system is very fucked up everywhere, and more so at bastions of the privileged.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was super active in greek life in college. With that being said, I had two friends die, one from alcohol poisoning and another from drugs, after frat parties. Another friend of mine was raped, given a drug and passed out and when she woke up something was raping her. I was also the GF of a frat guy and had guys expect that I would be passed around to them as a "present" (their words) when my BF (their frat bro) was done with me. Seen people go into shock from drugs, had to be taken to the hospital in an ambulance, from drugs. All of that stuff with the exception of the two deaths, got brushed under the rug and never touched by any media. But I saw much of it with my own eyes and talked to my friend about her rape and saw the pain in her eyes. The older I get the more I realize how dangerous that scene is, even though it can be a lot of fun.

Your BF passed you around to his friends?

No, he didnt. But his friends assumed he would when he first introduced me to them. It's fairly standard that when a new girl gets brought into the social circle theres no real loyalty expected.

Anonymous wrote:I was super active in greek life in college. With that being said, I had two friends die, one from alcohol poisoning and another from drugs, after frat parties. Another friend of mine was raped, given a drug and passed out and when she woke up something was raping her. I was also the GF of a frat guy and had guys expect that I would be passed around to them as a "present" (their words) when my BF (their frat bro) was done with me. Seen people go into shock from drugs, had to be taken to the hospital in an ambulance, from drugs. All of that stuff with the exception of the two deaths, got brushed under the rug and never touched by any media. But I saw much of it with my own eyes and talked to my friend about her rape and saw the pain in her eyes. The older I get the more I realize how dangerous that scene is, even though it can be a lot of fun.

Your BF passed you around to his friends?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in a sorority at an NJ college. Sure, we were drinking at parties, but people were looking out for each other. Sure, there were couples making out in corners but jeez. It was just a lot of fun and no big whoop. The articles in the news would lead one to believe it's straight-up hedonism, no exceptions. And that's just not true.

And this is a big part of the problem with sexual assault on campus. It happens not out in the open where you all see it, but in a locked room upstairs, or in a dorm room after people leave a party. Then, because they didn't see it and it wasn't a big scene when it happens, people believe it doesn't happen. Which immediately calls into doubt the credibility of an alleged victim when you are predisposed to believe this doesn't happen on your campus.

It did happen at your college. Probably to at least one person you knew.

People don't see it because they are all drunk or high. College kids are useless to each other when they are wasted.

How the hell was watching friends die and knowing your BF was expected to pass you around like chattel when he was done "a lot of fun?" What the hell is wrong with someone who thinks that?

Anonymous wrote:I was very active in Greek life in a southern sorority in the mid 90s. The school, nor the national chapters, didn't tolerate shit. They would shut down a house in a heartbeat. Yep, I went to a lot of parties with a lot of drinking. Also went to a lot of non-Greek parties with a lot of drinking. Certainly new girls who were assaulted. But again, that was both in and out of Greek system.

You kid yourselves if you think the Greek system is the problem and it would all magically go away if we did away with fraternities and sororities.

Is the Greek system THE problem? No. Is it a huge contributor to the problem? YES.

I was very active in Greek life in a southern sorority in the mid 90s. The school, nor the national chapters, didn't tolerate shit. They would shut down a house in a heartbeat. Yep, I went to a lot of parties with a lot of drinking. Also went to a lot of non-Greek parties with a lot of drinking. Certainly new girls who were assaulted. But again, that was both in and out of Greek system.

You kid yourselves if you think the Greek system is the problem and it would all magically go away if we did away with fraternities and sororities.