PP, with all due respect I don't see how a kid could have certain accommodations without classmates observing. The teacher doesn't have to say anything. When the kid leaves for the computer lab so she can type her test or to the quiet room because of an environmental accommodation, classmates will know.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To some degree, when you get 504 accommodations, confidentiality cannot be protected. But, this is an instance where the teacher outed your daughter. Do you have a contact at the school for SN issues? I have several - a special education resource teacher, a case manager and a guidance counselor. Unless I knew the teacher, I would probably talk to one of these people because I know them well.

I would assume you can expect that the staff won't be talking about your child with other students around.
It is perfectly OK for a teacher and IA to be discussing, but the OP has an issue that the conversation about her child was not in an appropriate setting.

Absolutely - that's what I said. It's not ok for the teacher to have outed OP's daughter. But, the truth is that if one uses accommodations, others will know they have them. If your child is getting extra time on a test or taking a test in a quiet environment or typing instead of writing, classmates will know. It's kind of an added burden that our kids have to deal with.

It doesn't really have to be this way. A good teacher/school will say nothing -- some kids will stay in the classroom to take tests, some will be sent to another room. If the teacher is announcing in front of the class about the extra time, then this is really not a "best practices" way to handle it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a chance the friend misheard the name. I think the wording proposed above is excellent, politically smart, and constructive. My DS hears teachers talk about and "gossip" about students all the time. You can't control some of that. But they should be called out. That said, expect the teacher to flat out deny. Teachers never ever admit wrong doing. They really can't due to lawsuit fears. It's awful. So expect that. Your nonverbal behavior can suggest that you know otherwise and that you expect some sort of help in addressing your DD's distress. Also, teachers are not always the most articulate bunch of people. This teacher may have been using the word "trouble student" to mean" student with special needs" with this assistant, so don't take the phrase personally or think there is truth to it. If she is acting like a troubled student at school, I think you would have heard from the school by now. You can ask them flat out and if that's the case, ask if she can see the school counselor regularly if she seems to be in distress. You might need to explain to your DD not to take teachers' words too seriously--that they aren't always the sharpest tool in the shed or that they are imperfect like everybody else. We've had to do that. Sad but true. Sounds like an idiot of a teacher to say this, no less in front of another student. Good luck.

You had the chance to post a thoughtful and cogent post, but you ruined it with your broad, unfair generalizations. Try staying away from "never." I've have been a teacher for 15 years and yes, I have admitted when I've made a mistake to a student and their parent. Other colleagues have done the same. It's called be human and building a positive and strong relationship.

--the author of the post that offered the "excellent, politically smart and constructive" wording

Sorry. Of course there are good and smart teachers. But the above has been my experience, unfortunately.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you 'know' this happened? Please do not believe everything your kids say happens at school. Look into it for sure. but you are really jumping the gun.
Also- I worry about the message you are giving your DD. Throughout life we all need accommodations. And teaching here to have shame about it is not helpful. The real issue is with your families perception of DDs abilities, strengths, and self worth.

This is bull!! This happened b/c her daughter told her. When do we stop listening to our children and just listen to teachers? She does not have shame, she was hurt to hear the word "troubled." That is a very negative word. Teachers need to be more cautious period.

No, the daughter heard this second hand through another student. It is now a game of telephone. The OP has no idea what the teacher said and neither does her daughter. It seems hard to believe that a teacher would describe a child as "troubled" because she has a 504.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Absolutely - that's what I said. It's not ok for the teacher to have outed OP's daughter. But, the truth is that if one uses accommodations, others will know they have them. If your child is getting extra time on a test or taking a test in a quiet environment or typing instead of writing, classmates will know. It's kind of an added burden that our kids have to deal with.

This. I had these accommodations in a W high school. It really wasn't a big deal. Is there a stigma attached to having accommodations? I also got the extended time/reduced distractions accommodation in college and it also wasn't a big deal.

I don't mean this in the way it probably will sound, but it seems like your daughter needs help with building her self-esteem in regard to her accommodations and the issue that makes the accommodations necessary. For me it was ADD (inattentive type) and I understood that it was a medical diagnosis just like any other, so it didn't bother me if others knew.

Up to this point, no one knew she had any accommodations - except seating in second or third row (she didn't want to sit in the front row). But if anyone asked, she said it was because of her glasses. She never used extended time on tests but last year the plan was to note it on her test and return at the end of the day to finish. She never used this accommodation. She has extended deadlines with permission because all her classes are AP/Honors in her school and the work load COULD get overbearing at some points in the semester. SHe has never used this accommodation either. They are there jut in case...

You are right - it could very well be a self-esteem issue. Could you offer ideas on how to improve it?
Thanks.

I'm the PP you quoted. It's hard for me to give advice not knowing your daughter. But for me it was such a relief to get the diagnosis after years of feeling like a failure when I couldn't focus on a test or when I would sit in a class and not be able to focus on anything the teacher said because the AC was rattling. I went on meds and got 504 accommodations and it was world-changing for me.

I think the fact that my parents treated it like any other medical diagnosis helped me. It didn't have a stigma attached for me. In fact, my friends used to tease me (in fun) that they were jealous because I got extra time and a quiet place to take tests. Can you do some further digging to see if the problem is the culture within the school related to having accommodations or if it's within her peer group, or if it's an issue of perception for her? Good luck!

To play the devil's advocate, the teacher may have said "this student has trouble in....(subject).." verses this child is "troubled." Basically tell DD that no matter what she does you love her unconditionally. That she is a good person no matter how well or not she is at school, extra curricular activities. She sounds like she is hard on herself already, is a people pleasing perfectionist. Which I am!! The best thing I started saying, when someone said something I do not like and hurt my feelings and I was being overly sensitive, is "I don't care." And shrug my shoulders! You can tell her it does not matter what people say or think she is still the same DD. And that perhaps the teacher meant she was having trouble and not troubled.

I have stopped reacting to people who piss me off in an emotional manner, and it really diffuses the situation. It took 40 years for me to learn to ignore people, and wow was mom right, when you ignore them they stop. When I "act" like I don't care, but I really do, I actually start believing like I really do not care what they say. Some people just suck! She can tell her little friend that told her what the teacher said, that she miss heard them and they meant she has some trouble with that subject not that she is troubled.

Also no offense, but there are tons of teachers that respond to these posts. We appreciate teachers!! But understand we are moms who are trying to help our children. I know teachers are doing their absolute best and such a profession is bound to lead to burn out, constantly giving and not getting the credit you deserve. But teachers please be aware of all the power you hold over children. It is amazing how much a teacher's acceptance can make a child, even a teenager, feel so accepted. Also the teacher's acceptance, especially in younger grades, has the power to change the class's perception of a child. I am just saying teacher's have tremendous power. So that being said, let's buy our teachers some generous gift cards this season!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Absolutely - that's what I said. It's not ok for the teacher to have outed OP's daughter. But, the truth is that if one uses accommodations, others will know they have them. If your child is getting extra time on a test or taking a test in a quiet environment or typing instead of writing, classmates will know. It's kind of an added burden that our kids have to deal with.

This. I had these accommodations in a W high school. It really wasn't a big deal. Is there a stigma attached to having accommodations? I also got the extended time/reduced distractions accommodation in college and it also wasn't a big deal.

I don't mean this in the way it probably will sound, but it seems like your daughter needs help with building her self-esteem in regard to her accommodations and the issue that makes the accommodations necessary. For me it was ADD (inattentive type) and I understood that it was a medical diagnosis just like any other, so it didn't bother me if others knew.

Up to this point, no one knew she had any accommodations - except seating in second or third row (she didn't want to sit in the front row). But if anyone asked, she said it was because of her glasses. She never used extended time on tests but last year the plan was to note it on her test and return at the end of the day to finish. She never used this accommodation. She has extended deadlines with permission because all her classes are AP/Honors in her school and the work load COULD get overbearing at some points in the semester. SHe has never used this accommodation either. They are there jut in case...

You are right - it could very well be a self-esteem issue. Could you offer ideas on how to improve it?
Thanks.

Anonymous wrote:
Absolutely - that's what I said. It's not ok for the teacher to have outed OP's daughter. But, the truth is that if one uses accommodations, others will know they have them. If your child is getting extra time on a test or taking a test in a quiet environment or typing instead of writing, classmates will know. It's kind of an added burden that our kids have to deal with.

This. I had these accommodations in a W high school. It really wasn't a big deal. Is there a stigma attached to having accommodations? I also got the extended time/reduced distractions accommodation in college and it also wasn't a big deal.

I don't mean this in the way it probably will sound, but it seems like your daughter needs help with building her self-esteem in regard to her accommodations and the issue that makes the accommodations necessary. For me it was ADD (inattentive type) and I understood that it was a medical diagnosis just like any other, so it didn't bother me if others knew.