Fat people have to find other fat people, but it's difficult when they stay inside and eat all day

I'm 35, single, and USED to really want to get married and have kids.

Then people around me started getting married and having kids, and I realized that it changes everything, and isn't all it's cracked up to be. I'm privy to the exhausting marital challenges of family/friends, and the changes/challenges of having kids. And it's really, really decreased my interest. I'm in no rush. I don't envy my family/friends. I enjoy the time to play Awesome Auntie to all the kiddies, but I also enjoy the freedom to pursue my own interests and hobbies. I feel fulfilled and happy!

OP, unless your sister *really* truly asks for your help, I would stay out of it. You really risk damaging the relationship without her explicit asking for your involvement. It's possible to have a fulfilling life without marriage/kids, and it's possible that maybe she's not really that interested in marriage/kids, but says so because that's just the expected thing to say.

OP, do you really think your sister isn't aware of online dating? I think if she were comfortable with that idea, she'd be doing it. Heck, maybe she is and just doesn't want to tell you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister is single and has never really had a boyfriend since college. She's 35 now. She's a fantastic person - fun and upbeat, caring, smart, interesting, etc. She's also really overweight, which I think has affected her confidence in dating. I just worry about her so much because I don't want her to be alone her whole life! She's moved a few times and she doesn't even have a local close circle of friends (that actually bothers me more than the no boyfriend/husband thing).

I'm thinking about broaching the subject of her trying an on line dating service. Is that the main way people are meeting now if they are professional 30 somethings? I know that it's important to her to get married and have kids - we've talked about that - and I feel like she's running out of time.

Do I just let it be, or do I encourage her to give her a boost of confidence?

If you got married in your mid-30s, how did you meet your spouse?

OP, why are you so afraid to touch the elephant in the middle of the room, that we all know is the root of her problem -- her weight? You tell her to put down the donuts and diet soda, get to the gym and lose some weight. That should be priority number one. She has to take care of herself before she finds a great guy or even this close circle of friends you think she needs.

Very bad when you get married and layer husband wak up next to whale after she let's herself go. Smart and rich man look for naturally skinny.

Anonymous wrote:Many people like the idea of marriage and babies but in reality prefer being single. I tried to have a baby on my own but couldn't get pregnant. I started trying at 37. So many people complain about their marriage or their kids or lack of money or sleep etc. Your single sister doesn't have those issues.

Also is it possible she's asexual? Just isn't attractedto other people?

37 too old, you try too late. You are good example why waiting is very bad.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister is single and has never really had a boyfriend since college. She's 35 now. She's a fantastic person - fun and upbeat, caring, smart, interesting, etc. She's also really overweight, which I think has affected her confidence in dating. I just worry about her so much because I don't want her to be alone her whole life! She's moved a few times and she doesn't even have a local close circle of friends (that actually bothers me more than the no boyfriend/husband thing).

I'm thinking about broaching the subject of her trying an on line dating service. Is that the main way people are meeting now if they are professional 30 somethings? I know that it's important to her to get married and have kids - we've talked about that - and I feel like she's running out of time.

Do I just let it be, or do I encourage her to give her a boost of confidence?

If you got married in your mid-30s, how did you meet your spouse?

OP, why are you so afraid to touch the elephant in the middle of the room, that we all know is the root of her problem -- her weight? You tell her to put down the donuts and diet soda, get to the gym and lose some weight. That should be priority number one. She has to take care of herself before she finds a great guy or even this close circle of friends you think she needs.

Diet soda is not problem, I use it and am very fit and beautiful. Think of young Christy Brinkley.

She can have oopsie pregnancy, make sure man is rich

Many people like the idea of marriage and babies but in reality prefer being single. I tried to have a baby on my own but couldn't get pregnant. I started trying at 37. So many people complain about their marriage or their kids or lack of money or sleep etc. Your single sister doesn't have those issues.

Also is it possible she's asexual? Just isn't attractedto other people?

Anonymous wrote:My sister is single and has never really had a boyfriend since college. She's 35 now. She's a fantastic person - fun and upbeat, caring, smart, interesting, etc. She's also really overweight, which I think has affected her confidence in dating. I just worry about her so much because I don't want her to be alone her whole life! She's moved a few times and she doesn't even have a local close circle of friends (that actually bothers me more than the no boyfriend/husband thing).

I'm thinking about broaching the subject of her trying an on line dating service. Is that the main way people are meeting now if they are professional 30 somethings? I know that it's important to her to get married and have kids - we've talked about that - and I feel like she's running out of time.

Do I just let it be, or do I encourage her to give her a boost of confidence?

If you got married in your mid-30s, how did you meet your spouse?

OP, why are you so afraid to touch the elephant in the middle of the room, that we all know is the root of her problem -- her weight? You tell her to put down the donuts and diet soda, get to the gym and lose some weight. That should be priority number one. She has to take care of herself before she finds a great guy or even this close circle of friends you think she needs.

Met my husband in a bar at 36, married at 38, baby at 39. Overweight the whole time. I was always "out there," though, dating and and an active social life with lots of friends.

I met my husband when I was 35 online. Got married at 37, got pregnant 3 months later. I was still 37 when I had my first and then had my second at 39. Online dating is hard though. You end up going on a lot of bad dates. I got lucky. It's worth a try though if she wants to meet someone. Also, I know two women who had babies on their own after the age of 40 so that would be something to look into if she's willing to be a single mom.

OP, the best way to help her is to help her realize that there is not one life path to fulfillment. And it certainly doesn't need to involve marriage and kids in that order. She needs to be happy on her own before marriage and/or kids would bring her any kind of true joy. Get out of the patriarchal mindset.

Yes she is running out of time if she wants to get married and have children. She isn't even in control of her own health right now if she is really overweight. She does't have years left to sit in her house feeling lonely eating ice-cream. Our time on this planet is not limitless. People really wake up to this fact in their 40's and 50's because you start to see regrets pile up. She needs to make changes now to help her get where she wants to be. This isn't just about having kids. Things change in midlife. You start loosing more family members and friends, financial errors can set you back, and yes your biological clock is ticking.

Anonymous wrote:My sister is single and has never really had a boyfriend since college. She's 35 now. She's a fantastic person - fun and upbeat, caring, smart, interesting, etc. She's also really overweight, which I think has affected her confidence in dating. I just worry about her so much because I don't want her to be alone her whole life! She's moved a few times and she doesn't even have a local close circle of friends (that actually bothers me more than the no boyfriend/husband thing).

I'm thinking about broaching the subject of her trying an on line dating service. Is that the main way people are meeting now if they are professional 30 somethings? I know that it's important to her to get married and have kids - we've talked about that - and I feel like she's running out of time.

Do I just let it be, or do I encourage her to give her a boost of confidence?

If you got married in your mid-30s, how did you meet your spouse?

running out of time -- for real?
so if you are 35 and unmarried you are running out time because you will be dead by 36????
how about focusing on whether or not she is unhappy in her own skin and feels good about anything in her life and if she is not, maybe help to develop good feelings about herself and the life she is leading. maybe once she is able to do that, she will attract a partner, IF THAT IS WHAT SHE WANTS.
And perhaps she can do that before the clock runs down and she drops dead single.
signed a married 50 year olds with plenty of single peers who are crazy happy in their life, and some are even "overweight"

35 isn't running out of time. But the "really overweight" is the issue. Another poster said that she met too many guys iwth fetishes. No one wants to say but it being fat is severely limiting her social life. She isn't going to pick up some guy in a bar. Online she might have better luck but she is likely to get either fat guys or guys with fetishes. I met my husband on line at age 36. Happlily together now with a kid so online dating is great. But every sinlge man I know online says they skim all the postings looking for a good picture and a catchy "headline"--Im sure your sister is lovely but she needs to deal with the weight issue and bolster her confidence above all else.