OP stop letting them rob you of your holidays. I live away from my family but near my DH's. I spent the first seven or so Christmas/Thanksgivings with his family. They are bitter alcoholics who just spend the holidays drunk and pushing booze. My DH would drink and turn into a angry person also. After so many years of this I had enough. I refuse to spend any holidays with them. When I wad a kid my family was poor but the holidays were about getting together and making good simple food. I wanted my kids to be only around sober loving family members.

What are people's traditions? Name the favorites and the most dreadful.....

Stocking.

Anonymous wrote:fuck em. Pour your own wine, eat your own food. mock them behind their backs. I think that's what in-laws are for.

I agree. My Il's must think I have a drinking problem and I don't even care. Could you also leave to go for a long walk or a movie with your husband? Try and get out of the house. Last year I told them a needed a last minute item and spent an hour shopping at CVS for sticking stuffers.


Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We host Fauxgiving the Sunday before Thanksgiving. People dress up a little for it. Casual skirts, no ties, etc. You're welcome to come to our shindig - we'll let you drink.

This. I missed "my" thanksgiving as well when we went to in-laws, so we did our own beforehand. all the traditions that I loved, and none of those that felt strange. Doing it before gets it out of your system, and you really can make the thanksgiving visit just dinner & it's easier to enjoy

I really like this idea. Growing up my parents attended an "Orphans Thanksgiving" the weekend before Thanksgiving every year. It was a potluck with my dad's old coworkers that started when most of them were young, single, and couldn't fly home for Thanksgiving. I think it is still going strong more than four decades later. Start something similar with your closest friends in DC. You will get to share traditions, be surrounded by love, etc. Might make it easier to experience Thanksgiving as something completely different with the in-laws.

Not being snarky, but what are these traditions that are so hard to deal with? I need examples.

Offer to bring wine for the whole gathering. Include a bottle or two of white zinfandel and MANY bottles of whatever you like. When you arrive, open all of them and every time you walk by them, top off your glass.

This is what I do at my in-laws. I also stash extra bottle in the car that are the exact same kind so I can replace the ones I empty without my MIL knowing exactly how much I'm drinking. Works like a charm. Anytime she's in the living room, I sneak into the kitchen and refill my glass, hang out for a bit and drink it back down, then go back out to the living room.

God, I sound like an alcoholic. But I swear, it helps SO MUCH getting through the day if I can have my wine. Who cares what else happens, wheee!

Alternate idea: flask in your purse, spike your drink in the bathroom. This one might really make you an alcoholic, so be careful, haha.

I'm watching this thread because I struggle with Thanksgiving too. In-laws are so rooted in their traditions, they make no adjustments for new spouses and children that enter the family. I had it at my house last few years thinking I could insert some of my own touches, but they were shot down. Husband and I fight about it every damn year.

I now consider Thanksgiving to be the worst weekend of the year. I just want to learn how to enjoy it again.

Anonymous wrote:I absolutely despise my brother's wife. The first few years were just hellish at Thanksgiving - no liquor and 15 minute prayer before dinner. Then at dessert a thank you prayer and then a discussion about the problems with the "blacks" in the city.

My husband made up a game a couple of years ago where we bet on what offensive things she will say, how many times she will say certain phrases, how long the prayers will be, etc. We write them down in the car on the way.

Since I am a competitive person, I am constantly rooting now for a longer prayer (to beat my husband's time) and particular offensive comments as well, so I always look joyful and attentive.

Are we too mean?

This almost made me want to come to your Tday. Effing hilarious.

Anonymous wrote:We host Fauxgiving the Sunday before Thanksgiving. People dress up a little for it. Casual skirts, no ties, etc. You're welcome to come to our shindig - we'll let you drink.

This. I missed "my" thanksgiving as well when we went to in-laws, so we did our own beforehand. all the traditions that I loved, and none of those that felt strange. Doing it before gets it out of your system, and you really can make the thanksgiving visit just dinner & it's easier to enjoy

We host Fauxgiving the Sunday before Thanksgiving. People dress up a little for it. Casual skirts, no ties, etc. You're welcome to come to our shindig - we'll let you drink.

I just sympathize. Since my mom died, my family doesn't do Thanksgiving at all, and my SO's family does it completely differently. I really miss my old traditions.

This year, I'm doing Thanksgiving at my place and I'm so excited to try new traditions out.

but what about respect to elders and the fact that they won't live forever. not OP but I struggle with this.

^ this is called being a grown-up. It's your life. You get to decide.

Anonymous wrote:Not to be snarky , but at what point do you and hubby to stay home on any given holiday???
Seriously, you can decide to stay at home, invite EVERYONE and whomever declines, so what, you get to have the holiday YOU want. You don't have to spend every holiday with someone who birthed you or your husband.

OP, this is what will bring you joy.