Anonymous
11/16/2014 02:48
Subject: Ex boyfriend is lying about being engaged
Anonymous wrote:OP, it seems a lot of people here haven't experienced a relationship like the one you are talking about so their only response is 'move on, he doesn't want you, get therapy' but it's not quite that simple.
He very much wants you in his life. That's why he calls you constantly. That's why he's lying to you now. But the other huge thing here is that as much as he wants you in his life, he wants her more.
This hurts, because we always assume the reason someone wants someone else more is because they are better than us, or have something we don't, or we just aren't lovable. Well that's not always the case. Sometimes people choose another person for reasons completely other than love- you only need skim these forums to see evidence of that everywhere.
The bottom line is, he isn't who you want him to be. That sucks but the way he is handling this engagement should just solidify this for you. You can do better. You can still be his friend, but you need to get some distance for your own good- this situation is messing with your head and you can't be in two places at one time.
Take the difficult step and cut your friendship back, tell him to leave you be for awhile. Not because that will force him to tell you the truth, but because you need to change the dynamic between the two of you so YOU can be okay and move on and get your own fiancé. Best of luck to you!
+1. OP I was you 4 years ago. I wish I had someone say this to me. Instead I had to come to these realizations over a long and painful period of time. He's not your friend. True friends don't lie or hide portions of their life from you. You need to step way back from this relationship and change the dynamic.
Good luck, OP. It took me a few years to get over the dishonesty and open up again to trust someone.
Anonymous
11/16/2014 02:16
Subject: Ex boyfriend is lying about being engaged
Here is the true test. Have you met his finance?
No? Then he isn't a true friend.
True friends are open with their partners about their
Friends. I would bet your kept hidden.
Next time he calls tell him as his friend you want to
Get to know is future wife. When can you meet her?
Can you have her email so you two can get
To know each other too. What's her cell number so
You can try and build a friendship with her too.
I can only imagine the bs you'll get fed As to why
Non of that can happen.
No? Then he isn't a true friend.
True friends are open with their partners about their
Friends. I would bet your kept hidden.
Next time he calls tell him as his friend you want to
Get to know is future wife. When can you meet her?
Can you have her email so you two can get
To know each other too. What's her cell number so
You can try and build a friendship with her too.
I can only imagine the bs you'll get fed As to why
Non of that can happen.
Anonymous
11/16/2014 02:04
Subject: Ex boyfriend is lying about being engaged
2-3 times a day? How do you get your job done.
Heck I don't even talk to my wife 2-3 times a day.
We're busy at our jobs.
Here is your input: move on in your life. No bf you
Meet is going to understand or want you talking
To some ex 2-3 times a day. Not normal.
Heck I don't even talk to my wife 2-3 times a day.
We're busy at our jobs.
Here is your input: move on in your life. No bf you
Meet is going to understand or want you talking
To some ex 2-3 times a day. Not normal.
Anonymous
11/16/2014 01:11
Subject: Ex boyfriend is lying about being engaged
Oh OP. Hugs. I could have written this exact post 5 years ago. All the people in the world can tell you to stop talking to this guy but you just...can't. The only way you'll be able to move on is when you've *finally* had enough of the drama, lies and BS. One day you'll look at yourself in the mirror and think, "wow, I deserve much better". And it'll be as easy as pie to stop talking to him. But not until you are able to respect yourself.
Anonymous
11/16/2014 01:11
Subject: Re:Ex boyfriend is lying about being engaged
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:PP here - I just read all of your previous posts OP. I hope you are drunk (not that being intoxicated excuses your wild posts). I am glad your ex has moved on.
Seek help. You really, really, REALLY need it.
OP Here: the level of bitchiness on his forum is amazing. Funny how people grow some big balls when they get to hide behind their computer and be anonymous.
You asked for opinions and we are giving you them. Sorry you don't like the answers so you feel the need to belittle others when you don't approve of the answer they give you. You need to grow up, little girl. Seek therapy and leave this man alone. He's engaged, any doesn't want you any longer. Stop stalking and obsessing and move on. This is just weird.
NP here, but do you not think he's the xrazy one? The dude has a fiancé but is going to his ex for naked pictures and phone sex? I feel bad for his fiancé. He seems more crazy then OP.
Anonymous
11/16/2014 01:02
Subject: Ex boyfriend is lying about being engaged
OP, it seems a lot of people here haven't experienced a relationship like the one you are talking about so their only response is 'move on, he doesn't want you, get therapy' but it's not quite that simple.
He very much wants you in his life. That's why he calls you constantly. That's why he's lying to you now. But the other huge thing here is that as much as he wants you in his life, he wants her more.
This hurts, because we always assume the reason someone wants someone else more is because they are better than us, or have something we don't, or we just aren't lovable. Well that's not always the case. Sometimes people choose another person for reasons completely other than love- you only need skim these forums to see evidence of that everywhere.
The bottom line is, he isn't who you want him to be. That sucks but the way he is handling this engagement should just solidify this for you. You can do better. You can still be his friend, but you need to get some distance for your own good- this situation is messing with your head and you can't be in two places at one time.
Take the difficult step and cut your friendship back, tell him to leave you be for awhile. Not because that will force him to tell you the truth, but because you need to change the dynamic between the two of you so YOU can be okay and move on and get your own fiancé. Best of luck to you!
He very much wants you in his life. That's why he calls you constantly. That's why he's lying to you now. But the other huge thing here is that as much as he wants you in his life, he wants her more.
This hurts, because we always assume the reason someone wants someone else more is because they are better than us, or have something we don't, or we just aren't lovable. Well that's not always the case. Sometimes people choose another person for reasons completely other than love- you only need skim these forums to see evidence of that everywhere.
The bottom line is, he isn't who you want him to be. That sucks but the way he is handling this engagement should just solidify this for you. You can do better. You can still be his friend, but you need to get some distance for your own good- this situation is messing with your head and you can't be in two places at one time.
Take the difficult step and cut your friendship back, tell him to leave you be for awhile. Not because that will force him to tell you the truth, but because you need to change the dynamic between the two of you so YOU can be okay and move on and get your own fiancé. Best of luck to you!
Anonymous
11/16/2014 00:59
Subject: Re:Ex boyfriend is lying about being engaged
OP, you are unhinged. Yes. That's an over-used DCUM phrase but it applies here. Truly. You are nuts. Go back and read your posts from the beginning. The MAN DODGED A BULLET and no one here is being MEAN. Call a therapist tomorrow or go to an AA meeting. Seriously. Something is not ticking right with you.
You clearly are very angry and are very immature. Please seek help and do not date until you are more self aware.
I wish you well.
You clearly are very angry and are very immature. Please seek help and do not date until you are more self aware.
I wish you well.
Anonymous
11/16/2014 00:48
Subject: Re:Ex boyfriend is lying about being engaged
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:PP here - I just read all of your previous posts OP. I hope you are drunk (not that being intoxicated excuses your wild posts). I am glad your ex has moved on.
Seek help. You really, really, REALLY need it.
OP Here: the level of bitchiness on his forum is amazing. Funny how people grow some big balls when they get to hide behind their computer and be anonymous.
You asked for opinions and we are giving you them. Sorry you don't like the answers so you feel the need to belittle others when you don't approve of the answer they give you. You need to grow up, little girl. Seek therapy and leave this man alone. He's engaged, any doesn't want you any longer. Stop stalking and obsessing and move on. This is just weird.
Anonymous
11/16/2014 00:44
Subject: Ex boyfriend is lying about being engaged
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This man is your ex for a reason. He has moved on and now has a fiancé. He doesn't owe you any type of explanation. I'm worried why you care that this ex ( who you broke up with) is engaged to someone else. Honestly you sound obsessed and I think he is trying to be private. It isn't any of your business and he doesn't need to tell you anything. Please move on and leave this man alone.
+1. You sound like an obsessed stalker. He enjoys your company because you are an ego boost. That's it. He isn't interested in you at all. Move on and cut contact.
OP Here: lol yes, I'm such an obsessed stalker...that's why he calls me every day and we talk every day and he talks to me about work issues and family issues and bad days, etc. Grow up.
You're the one that needs to grow up. You're allowing him to treat you this way. You must have low self-esteem.
Anonymous
11/16/2014 00:38
Subject: Re:Ex boyfriend is lying about being engaged
Anonymous wrote:PP here - I just read all of your previous posts OP. I hope you are drunk (not that being intoxicated excuses your wild posts). I am glad your ex has moved on.
Seek help. You really, really, REALLY need it.
OP Here: the level of bitchiness on his forum is amazing. Funny how people grow some big balls when they get to hide behind their computer and be anonymous.
Anonymous
11/16/2014 00:35
Subject: Re:Ex boyfriend is lying about being engaged
PP here - I just read all of your previous posts OP. I hope you are drunk (not that being intoxicated excuses your wild posts). I am glad your ex has moved on.
Seek help. You really, really, REALLY need it.
Seek help. You really, really, REALLY need it.
Anonymous
11/16/2014 00:33
Subject: Re:Ex boyfriend is lying about being engaged
Anonymous wrote:Dearest OP,
I hope you are tucked in now.
26 is still VERY young.
I know you think you are an adult but if you simply skim through your posts you sound like a 12 year old. With a bad attitude.
I didn't read through the whole drama because you cannot seem to write in sensible paragraphs but I get the gist of the scenario.
See a therapist, forget about the guy and move on with your life.
Good luck and God speed.
OP Here: Oh I'm so sorry that I didn't care enough to type in paragraphs while typing from my iphone. I'm sorry you had such a hard time reading a post without it being in two paragraphs. Night mom.
Anonymous
11/16/2014 00:30
Subject: Re:Ex boyfriend is lying about being engaged
Dearest OP,
I hope you are tucked in now.
26 is still VERY young.
I know you think you are an adult but if you simply skim through your posts you sound like a 12 year old. With a bad attitude.
I didn't read through the whole drama because you cannot seem to write in sensible paragraphs but I get the gist of the scenario.
See a therapist, forget about the guy and move on with your life.
Good luck and God speed.
I hope you are tucked in now.
26 is still VERY young.
I know you think you are an adult but if you simply skim through your posts you sound like a 12 year old. With a bad attitude.
I didn't read through the whole drama because you cannot seem to write in sensible paragraphs but I get the gist of the scenario.
See a therapist, forget about the guy and move on with your life.
Good luck and God speed.
Anonymous
11/16/2014 00:22
Subject: Ex boyfriend is lying about being engaged
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This man is your ex for a reason. He has moved on and now has a fiancé. He doesn't owe you any type of explanation. I'm worried why you care that this ex ( who you broke up with) is engaged to someone else. Honestly you sound obsessed and I think he is trying to be private. It isn't any of your business and he doesn't need to tell you anything. Please move on and leave this man alone.
OP Here: Really? We talk 2-3 time's a day. He calls me every morning after he wakes up and every afternoon on his way to work and then again at night when he gets off work and is on his way home. We talk about EVERYTHING. If he has a bad day at work or family issues, he calls me to discuss them and ask me for advice. I've always been the person he tells things to (since we were 17) and he still looks at me as that person. For you to say I am "obsessed" and to "leave him alone" is a bit out there. I am not FORCING him to talk to me every day or at all. We've remained in eachothers lives because we care about each other and have been friends for 9 years. Obviously I know he is engaged and I'm just baffled that he would lie about it to me. He's complained to me about her in the past and issues they have had so idk what is going on but I think there is a bigger reason.
Well, honestly you don't talk about everything if he won't even admit that he is engaged to you. You are fooling yourself.
OP here: I know that which is why I posted asking for advice. I'm not fooling myself at all because I KNOW he is lying. I am not sitting here saying that I don't think he is engaged because I KNOW he is. My issue is not knowing why he is lying to me about it. He knows that eventually the truth will come out if he keeps lying but he swears up and down that he isn't engaged and that he is just focused on his new career and that I "need" to believe him.
Why does it matter why? He is lying to you. That's all you need to know. Are you hoping for a reconciliation?
OP Here: Honestly? No. Did I at some point? Yes. For a year after we broke up and they were together, we talked about us getting back together. We knew that there was a lot we would have to work on but we talked about it A LOT. He wasn't happy with her for awhile. He would sneak outside at 11:00, 12:00 at night and call me from the balcony of their apartment and talk to me for an hour and we would just talk about trying to make it work. That ended though because we just kept getting into arguments about stupid things and the biggest thing was that I wasn't willing to move to where he re located to (Texas) and that was always an issue with us so we just went back to being "friends". However, us being "friends" has always been a flirtatious thing. He STILL to this day texts me asking me to send him "pictures" and he will ask me what I am wearing and things like that. I go along with it because it's fun but I am past the point of wanting us to work out again because we just work out better as friends. As for why it matters to me? Well because we tell eachother every thing and the fact that he would lie to me about something like that, pisses me off to be honest. And also...if he's engaged..he shouldn't be asking me for certain pics and saying certain things. Sure it wasn't okay when he had a gf but if he's really engaged..it's DEFINITELY not okay now.
Anonymous
11/16/2014 00:14
Subject: Ex boyfriend is lying about being engaged
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This man is your ex for a reason. He has moved on and now has a fiancé. He doesn't owe you any type of explanation. I'm worried why you care that this ex ( who you broke up with) is engaged to someone else. Honestly you sound obsessed and I think he is trying to be private. It isn't any of your business and he doesn't need to tell you anything. Please move on and leave this man alone.
OP Here: Really? We talk 2-3 time's a day. He calls me every morning after he wakes up and every afternoon on his way to work and then again at night when he gets off work and is on his way home. We talk about EVERYTHING. If he has a bad day at work or family issues, he calls me to discuss them and ask me for advice. I've always been the person he tells things to (since we were 17) and he still looks at me as that person. For you to say I am "obsessed" and to "leave him alone" is a bit out there. I am not FORCING him to talk to me every day or at all. We've remained in eachothers lives because we care about each other and have been friends for 9 years. Obviously I know he is engaged and I'm just baffled that he would lie about it to me. He's complained to me about her in the past and issues they have had so idk what is going on but I think there is a bigger reason.
Well, honestly you don't talk about everything if he won't even admit that he is engaged to you. You are fooling yourself.
OP here: I know that which is why I posted asking for advice. I'm not fooling myself at all because I KNOW he is lying. I am not sitting here saying that I don't think he is engaged because I KNOW he is. My issue is not knowing why he is lying to me about it. He knows that eventually the truth will come out if he keeps lying but he swears up and down that he isn't engaged and that he is just focused on his new career and that I "need" to believe him.
Why does it matter why? He is lying to you. That's all you need to know. Are you hoping for a reconciliation?