Anonymous wrote:We are estranged to put it lightly. Every few years she will reach out to me with a story about some terminal illness. One year it's congestive heart failure, the next it's various types of cancer. Eventually the truth comes out but she still sticks to her story and everyone just shakes their head. This time she's telling everyone via facebook that she has stage 3 colon cancer. I know this because my cousin delivered a message for her and because my cousin 'likes' all of her posts so they show up in my feed. Her page is public of course because why be a crazy person without an audience. I'm perplexed on how it could be undetected for so long given the number of times she claims to have gone to the hospital for various tests.

On the night before Election Day she posted that she was going in for surgery that morning and later that day posted she had voted. Now apparently this week she had surgery AND chemo on Tuesday and chemo again yesterday. Tonight she posts a pic of herself with a scarf around her head and tears in her eyes. She apparently forgot to shave her eyebrows to make it look real. Before I get flamed for being insensitive you should know that she's cried wolf many times and many times I have tried to reconcile with her, even doing family therapy. The therapist basically told me to cut bait and run. She is toxic and dysfunctional on so many levels and I don't want my children to be exposed to this craziness.

She has also done some pretty evil shit and refuses to take responsibility. I don't want to debate whether this really is the big one this time. Just please someone tell me I'm not the only one with a mother this bad. She is one disturbed human being and I want to hide my cousin from my feed but I just can't turn away from the train wreck. In a way I think I watch just to remind myself to stay far far away.

None of my friends know about my crazy mother and I sometimes wonder if she stole me from a sane person.

OP, I also have a crazy mother. Most people cannot understand what it's like to live with that level of insanity. I've cut off my mother, I still love her and always will but I choose to live sane and healthy. I still struggle with the sadness of not having a mom but I am 100% certain that I did the right thing. Don't let anyone make you doubt the decisions you make to protect yourself and your children. I strongly encourage you to consider either leaving Facebook or somehow blocking your mother directly or through hiding the cousin. I left Facebook altogether and I don't miss it. My second suggestion is that you get serious about grieving your mother. I don't know why but I have this nagging feeling that you are still somehow holding out a glimmer of hope that she will one day be miraculously normal and able to love you properly. She won't. You deserved a much better mother than the one you got. It's painful to watch other people with their sane and normal moms. You deserve better and I am sorry you didn't get better from her.

Vicky, I'm sorry for everything that you have experienced that has been so painful, and unfair. You have been through a lot, and it sounds like there are not a lot of people there who have shown you true, unconditional love. Please know that it exists - and do not blame yourself. Stop looking to family for validation - they do not know how to love you. There is so much pain in your post, I don't think it is something that is understood by many .... but I honestly do believe that there is peace found in seeking unconditional love through God. I pray you can find a path to that peace. Love to you.

First, to the woman who does not believe her relative is ill because of a cluster of auto-immune issues that tend to come together. They tend to come together. So, when she gets ms. allopeacia diabetes, or ms, you can pretend to yourself that is one more illness she is faking.

I have breast cancer. Stage 3 invasive ductal, had a double mastectomy. treatments and am currently on oral chemo [femara] I'm doing good,so far NED, and I should be fine, especially since it is nearly 3 years since diagnosis and side effects from meds are very minimal.

I almost killed myself last year. I am autistic, and I know that I will never e ms. popularity or anything, but, I really thought people cared,like a mascot or something. I grew up in a grossly dysfunctional family, and being the "spazzy little retard" was constantly raped and beaten by family members. When I was finally able to talk about it, I was told "you remember things different than they were" or "You are a liar," from most family members.

Over the years I grew close to my dad. he felt so terrible about his part in everything. When he died, after 40 years, they turned on me again. WHen I was diagnosed, they said I was faking. I had not thought they would give me support, but I thought those in the community would. My family convinced people I thought really caredaout me that I was faking. They were so mad that they decided to get together and do a breast cancer research fund raiser. I wanted to help but was told that it was innapropriate because I was faking breast cancer. Anytime anything happened in our comunity, it was decided it must be Vicky.

I reached a point where I decided that I must be faking cancer, and that I was delussional, and that if I was delussional about cancer, then I must be guilty of everything else I was being accused of. and that is was my responsibility to die.

The people at the hospital were asking how I could think I was faking. they said look at your scars, listen to your husband and kids, we've talked to your oncologist.

I still cry every day. i am crying now because this hurts so much. i am a shell of me, and, yes I am autistic, but I was and am an awesome person. i have shown them my chest, my meds, my infussion bands, parts of the doctors records. some of the people who believed the lies were actually with me in the hospital wen I had not only my matectomy but 3 other surgeries[fairly minor complications]

being accused of lying [autistic people are not fond of lying. most of us are compulively honest] has destroyed my life. please be careful who you do this to.

Anonymous wrote:I agree PP. That's why it's hard for me to understand advice to cut her off. That said, my mother has a more visible/clearly discernible mental illness (delusions, paranoia, etc.), like yours, whereas OP's mother seems to be more manipulative along the lines of a personality disorder, which maybe makes it harder to see the mental illness in it. That's why I suggested above to find ways for her mother to get attention and connection. Find ways to be loving and feed her human need for connection but keep strong boundaries so you don't get sucked in OP. Best wishes OP.

did you all not read where OP says her mom did some evil stuff? Having compassion does not have to include allowing sick people acess to do be destructive to you. Have you ever dealt with a sociopath or pathological liar? Those people can cause serious damage, i would never again KNOWINGLY expose myself or my kids to that kind of danger. Get real!There are people who are actually dangerous you know!!

When your mother inevitably falls sick, she will likely not make it known as much as the fake diseases. So you have to find a way of not reading the fake posts but still keep tabs on her if you plan on contributing to her care in some way.

Sorry for this situation, OP. My FIL has bipolar disorder and his four children have learnt to detach emotionally from his ups and downs, yet still be there intellectually for his material care. It can be done!

Here's a question OP-- if and when she does ACTUALLY get physically sick, what do you want your own response to be? Will you go care for her or will that be too much?

I ask because it's worth preparing for this eventuality. I would expect that when she does become truly sick, another relative will let you know and confirm to you that it is real (which might be a good system to set up in advance). Then you do need to make some choices one way or the other.

Hugs OP, this sounds so very hard.

My mom is a hypochondriac as well as a chronic liar (though she's never gone so far as to fake cancer). Lots of ER visits for suspected heart attacks, etc.

She once let slip that the only time her mother was ever kind to her was when she was sick. (Her mother was a truly evil, cruel person.) I thought that was pretty revealing.

It seems like your mom is desperate for attention. But you don't owe it to her. Just block your cousin from your feed and try to put her out of your mind. Unless she directly asks you for help, pretend you know none of this and try to just live your life.

Anonymous wrote:I agree PP. That's why it's hard for me to understand advice to cut her off. That said, my mother has a more visible/clearly discernible mental illness (delusions, paranoia, etc.), like yours, whereas OP's mother seems to be more manipulative along the lines of a personality disorder, which maybe makes it harder to see the mental illness in it. That's why I suggested above to find ways for her mother to get attention and connection. Find ways to be loving and feed her human need for connection but keep strong boundaries so you don't get sucked in OP. Best wishes OP.

These two things are contradictory, and VERY difficult to do.

My mother hasn't faked cancer (yet), but she has claimed to have Epstein-Barr, fibromyalgia, rheumatoid arthritis, and a host of other things. The biggie is a sulfur/sulfite allergy so she can't get eat eggs or get a flu shot. She gets a lot of attention for that. She basically goes to the doctor once or twice per week. Years ago I visited and brought lactaid tablets with me because I'm lactose intolerant. The next time I visited she had a box of those tablets, not for me, but because she had decided she was lactose intolerant. Never mind that she drinks milk and eats yogurt and ice cream without issue. It sucks trying to get any type of family health history because you can't get a straight answer; it's constantly changing. The last time I tried she said she had thyroid disease. Maybe she does, but after claiming to have so many other things, it's hard to believe.

To the PP who said OP wasn't being compassionate, there is only so much compassion you can have for someone like this.

OP, I feel for you. I'd hide your cousin's feed.

I agree PP. That's why it's hard for me to understand advice to cut her off. That said, my mother has a more visible/clearly discernible mental illness (delusions, paranoia, etc.), like yours, whereas OP's mother seems to be more manipulative along the lines of a personality disorder, which maybe makes it harder to see the mental illness in it. That's why I suggested above to find ways for her mother to get attention and connection. Find ways to be loving and feed her human need for connection but keep strong boundaries so you don't get sucked in OP. Best wishes OP.

Anonymous wrote:We are estranged to put it lightly. Every few years she will reach out to me with a story about some terminal illness. One year it's congestive heart failure, the next it's various types of cancer. Eventually the truth comes out but she still sticks to her story and everyone just shakes their head. This time she's telling everyone via facebook that she has stage 3 colon cancer. I know this because my cousin delivered a message for her and because my cousin 'likes' all of her posts so they show up in my feed. Her page is public of course because why be a crazy person without an audience. I'm perplexed on how it could be undetected for so long given the number of times she claims to have gone to the hospital for various tests.

On the night before Election Day she posted that she was going in for surgery that morning and later that day posted she had voted. Now apparently this week she had surgery AND chemo on Tuesday and chemo again yesterday. Tonight she posts a pic of herself with a scarf around her head and tears in her eyes. She apparently forgot to shave her eyebrows to make it look real. Before I get flamed for being insensitive you should know that she's cried wolf many times and many times I have tried to reconcile with her, even doing family therapy. The therapist basically told me to cut bait and run. She is toxic and dysfunctional on so many levels and I don't want my children to be exposed to this craziness.

She has also done some pretty evil shit and refuses to take responsibility. I don't want to debate whether this really is the big one this time. Just please someone tell me I'm not the only one with a mother this bad. She is one disturbed human being and I want to hide my cousin from my feed but I just can't turn away from the train wreck. In a way I think I watch just to remind myself to stay far far away.

None of my friends know about my crazy mother and I sometimes wonder if she stole me from a sane person.

OP is your mother diagnosed with a mental illness? Because it sounds like she has one. And I don't want to be critical, but you don't sound very compassionate. Nobody want to be crazy and a burden on their family. She probably is not self-aware at all.

And I don't say this lightly, my mother has believed at times that I am a drug addict (I've never even been buzzed on alcohol), that my clumsy, overweight Arab husband is actually an Israeli spy, that my cousin was going to kidnap my daughter and give her to my sister-in-law, etc. And that's just scratching the surface. You need to constantly remind yourself: she is not well and it is not fun for her, either.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My sister had chemo and it did NOT fall out in two days. And she certainly never had her surgeries and chemo in the same week. PP's read the entire post.

There are many different chemo drugs and routines. I am the PP who pointed out that my eyebrows didn't fall out. I do think the mother is mentally ill, but wanted to note that it was possible to not be entirely bald. And mine fell out within a week.

I am currently on Xeloda and my eyelashes are what I've lost, no other hair.

Maybe help her find ways to get legitimate attention in life so she doesn't have to go to such lengths? Is there a social worker or someone involved that can do this for her?

I have a brother who did this. Come to find out he's lied (about big things) all his life. Faked a girl friend, a job, on and in. She sounds like a Pathological liar. If his mouth is moving....he is lying. It is sick. It will suck you in and hurt you. Cut her off. Seriously, CUT HER OFF.

Block your mom on Facebook. Then you won't see when your cousin likes/comments on her posts.