Sounds like a good plan, OP. Sorry that your DH has to deal with this, but he seems to be rather aware of the family drama and is right to want to avoid the stress. Hope that you and DH will have a nice, stress-free holiday.

OP here, DH will be telling MIL we won't be able to host this year. I can already feel the tension that is going to be there but I think it's best for everyone. My DH feels that in the rare chance we were to host, the family would just put on a show and rhetoric for the holidays then come next year we wouldn't hear from them until the next big holiday, and that would hurt the most.

12:22 here. WTF is wrong with your husband's family that they have not at least offered to help you and asked YOU what you needed, OP? This is what I don't understand about IL's, they seem "across the board" selfish! GROSS.

Anonymous wrote:Helllllll no. Do they even plan on helping out or is it just so they have a place to entertain the rest of their family? My MIL is incredibly selfish. One time she invited her side of the family to a gathering at our house w/o clearing it with me, then she sat back and had DH and I waiting on everyone hand and foot. Thanksgiving is a lot of work.

Top this: did you actually have to invite your IL's IL's to your wedding?

Helllllll no. Do they even plan on helping out or is it just so they have a place to entertain the rest of their family? My MIL is incredibly selfish. One time she invited her side of the family to a gathering at our house w/o clearing it with me, then she sat back and had DH and I waiting on everyone hand and foot. Thanksgiving is a lot of work.

Anonymous wrote:OP here, DH has been bedridden for almost an year... the entire family lives within a 10 mile radius. Just offering emotional support would have been more than enough. The sad part is prior to my DH illness we used to offer a lot of support to the entire family.

OP, I feel for you. We are in the same boat. His family only talks to us when they want something. Other than that, they are cold, distant and deflective. Accepting responsibility for their actions, and being considerate is NOT in their repertoire. They think that poorly feigning oblivious is a legitimate excuse.

They are sorry excuses for family. Some people are just selfish and lame. Do you need help at this point, or are you independent? I ask because there are many other people I would ask before giving DH's family an opportunity to shoot us down (after all we have done for them). If you really do need their help, and really want them around (think about this one) - I would try to tell them via email. People like this are NOTORIOUS for saying "I must have thought you meant this (insert lame excuse here)". Boring and predictable. Give them something specific, that doesn't involve you" "can you come over Tuesday at 7 to drive Mildred down the street to soccer?" Of course, DH's family (especially MIL) is always late, so I would have to stand on my head and spit nickels about being specific ("no later than 7"). Exhausting! She always has some BS point to prove.

For the love of God, do NOT host holidays for these people while your DH is out of commission! Just say "this is not a good time for us, given (DH's) illness. Maybe next year, if things are somewhat back to normal." Answer passive aggressive attempts at drama - right in the face. GL.