Anonymous
Post 11/10/2014 07:22     Subject: A mom-friend outted her DD to me yesterday
Anonymous wrote:We had drinks while our girls were playing with two other girls. I asked something about if her girl was interested in boys yet, as my girl (4 months younger) is not. She hesitated, and I said, "Oh, I don't mean to pry," and she replied "I'm trying to think how to tell you without violating DD's confidentiality .... DD is identifying as bi. She thinks she likes girls right now." I asked if she was out, and the mom said, "I think she's telling her friends one by one, as she feels comfortable telling them," so I just said "Okay, I won't tell my DD then."

But after I got home it struck me how much it seems she totally DID violate her daughter's confidentiality! Am I crazy on this one? My own DD would be SO upset if she'd told me a secret and then found out I was telling the moms of her friends!


Judgmental bi**ch much?
Anonymous
Post 11/09/2014 23:16     Subject: Re:A mom-friend outted her DD to me yesterday
Anonymous wrote:What's with the parents on DCUM? Why are you so interested in the sexual life, sexual preference of your children and other people's children? Why are all these kids telling their parents that they are gay and bi and whatnot? You are sexualizing these children without any reason. Let them be kids, for God's sake!


Well since there are pregnant kids in my DC's middle school, I would have to think it is not the parents sexualizing the kids.
Anonymous
Post 11/09/2014 23:09     Subject: Re:A mom-friend outted her DD to me yesterday
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What's with the parents on DCUM? Why are you so interested in the sexual life, sexual preference of your children and other people's children? Why are all these kids telling their parents that they are gay and bi and whatnot? You are sexualizing these children without any reason. Let them be kids, for God's sake!

By the time I was 12, I had kissed 5 boys. Another girl in my class got to third base. I'd been masturbating for 7 years and fooled around with a female neighbor. Adults aren't sexualizing kids, kids are sexual. That's not to say that parents should be particularly interested in their child's sexuality, but still.


I could ask why you were promiscuous at the age of 12, but that would make me like OP. Why would I be having this discussion with my friend or acquaintance about what my kid or her kid is doing sexually? And if this is normal conversation then why the outrage over Lena Dunham's writing about her sexual adventures with her sister?



Anonymous
Post 11/09/2014 23:04     Subject: A mom-friend outted her DD to me yesterday

Well, why don't you just shut up about it, OP?
Goodness, they're only 12!
Bi or otherwise will probably not be permanent.
(And that was that mother's mistake - you don't identify your child as anything at that age).


Anonymous
Post 11/09/2014 22:52     Subject: Re:A mom-friend outted her DD to me yesterday
Anonymous wrote:What's with the parents on DCUM? Why are you so interested in the sexual life, sexual preference of your children and other people's children? Why are all these kids telling their parents that they are gay and bi and whatnot? You are sexualizing these children without any reason. Let them be kids, for God's sake!

By the time I was 12, I had kissed 5 boys. Another girl in my class got to third base. I'd been masturbating for 7 years and fooled around with a female neighbor. Adults aren't sexualizing kids, kids are sexual. That's not to say that parents should be particularly interested in their child's sexuality, but still.
Anonymous
Post 11/09/2014 22:33     Subject: A mom-friend outted her DD to me yesterday
That's awesome that you're telling the entire internet, OP.
Anonymous
Post 11/09/2014 22:09     Subject: A mom-friend outted her DD to me yesterday
Who is Darla???
Anonymous
Post 11/09/2014 21:54     Subject: A mom-friend outted her DD to me yesterday
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't think she violated her DD's privacy. She obviously hesitated, but obviously trusted you and your DD to be supportive people.

Stop over-thinking this. You're being unfair to her.


really? I suspect you are not the parent of a teen. This mom needs to learn that her child isn't an extension of herself. She can confide in a close friend if she wants, but she shouldn't be telling her daugher's story in passing.

OP - What you should take away from this is that Darla's mom can't be trusted with a confidence. Beyond that, just pretend you don't know. It isn't your story to tell.


You're right, I'm not a parent of a teen.

It doesn't seem like she was "telling her daughter's story in passing." And the fact that you take this to mean Darla's mom is untrustworthy seems unreasonable.


At some point around middle school, you really have to stop talking about your children's details to everyone who is not a close friend. I get the feeling these moms are friends, but not confidantes. You just start to keep your mouth shut. Darla's mom clearly doesn't know this yet. How would Darla feel to know that there were moms in the community that knew anything at all about her sex life? Do you talk about yours?
Anonymous
Post 11/09/2014 21:28     Subject: Re:A mom-friend outted her DD to me yesterday
What's with the parents on DCUM? Why are you so interested in the sexual life, sexual preference of your children and other people's children? Why are all these kids telling their parents that they are gay and bi and whatnot? You are sexualizing these children without any reason. Let them be kids, for God's sake!
Anonymous
Post 11/09/2014 20:52     Subject: A mom-friend outted her DD to me yesterday
Anonymous wrote:Just curious, how old are these girls?


Her girl is just turning 12, and mine turns 12 in three months.
Anonymous
Post 11/09/2014 20:49     Subject: A mom-friend outted her DD to me yesterday
Anonymous wrote:Mom was caught off guard. It's a compliment that she trusts you to care about her kid and not go blabbing this info. I would give her a break. She may also need help and support in supporting her daughter through this, so try to be there for her.


+1 just be supportive.
Anonymous
Post 11/09/2014 20:22     Subject: A mom-friend outted her DD to me yesterday
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don't think she violated her DD's privacy. She obviously hesitated, but obviously trusted you and your DD to be supportive people.

Stop over-thinking this. You're being unfair to her.


really? I suspect you are not the parent of a teen. This mom needs to learn that her child isn't an extension of herself. She can confide in a close friend if she wants, but she shouldn't be telling her daugher's story in passing.

OP - What you should take away from this is that Darla's mom can't be trusted with a confidence. Beyond that, just pretend you don't know. It isn't your story to tell.


You're right, I'm not a parent of a teen.

It doesn't seem like she was "telling her daughter's story in passing." And the fact that you take this to mean Darla's mom is untrustworthy seems unreasonable.
Anonymous
Post 11/09/2014 20:15     Subject: A mom-friend outted her DD to me yesterday
Mixed feelings on this. Yes, it wasn't the mom's business to tell but being the mom of a queer kid I also know that I don't see this as a big deal and maybe the mom was trying to show OP how normal this was to her.
Anonymous
Post 11/09/2014 20:12     Subject: Re:A mom-friend outted her DD to me yesterday
Just don't tell ANYONE and everything is fine! She trusted you.
Anonymous
Post 11/09/2014 14:55     Subject: A mom-friend outted her DD to me yesterday
Why did you presume the girl liked boys? What exactly was the mother supposed to say?