This is very hard, OP. We were with FIL in his last days.

Wishing you peace, and the strength to get through this and the time to come.

I'm sorry OP. It is so hard to be there as someone is dying, but it's also a gift in a strange way. You will never have to feel guilt about not having been there.

I wish you, and your mom, peace.

She's also seemingly more peaceful than she was when I first posted.

OP here. Thank you all. And yeah, I'm hiding in the bathroom again. She's still here, but likely passing tonight or tomorrow. It's nice to know Ina way that death is for everybody.

My dad passed in June from liver cancer. He lasted about 6 days at home in hospice care. It is so difficult - but being there for your mom will comfort you so much after she is gone. My thoughts and prayers go out to you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it ends, but it is so painful while it is happening. It is heartbreaking to watch a parent with a zest for life reaching the end. I am tearing up right now remembering my own mother clutching at those last days of life. I am continually surprised by how the grief resurfaces.

Take good care of yourself during this time, OP, and know you are doing a good thing, giving your mother all the love and comfort you can during the end of her life. Be very gentle with herself after the end, because while you may feel very fragile for a long time afterwards. Lean on the people around you.

Sending you hugs.

Yes, yes - this poster has it exactly right.

+1. I was with my father throughout his cancer and then at the end. The poster who says its takes so much out of you is right. Say what you need to say to your mother now. You will be glad you did, even if you think she can't hear you. My understanding is that even in this state they know voices, so she knows you are there. Also, it is normal to be overwhelmed and want to get away from the situation. It is. That's ok. Please ask the hospice nurse what the end will be like, so you are aware: there are signs, such as changes in breathing, that will tell you. Hold her hand, kiss her, be close to her. It's so hard, but you will remember that by doing the hard thing you were doing exactly the most you could do. Hugs to you.

I just saw this thread-- OP, I hope you are hanging in there. I was with both my grandparents (who raised me) during their last weeks ... my Grandmother lasted a little more than 2 weeks in hospice care, my Grandfather a few days. I am sitting here writing with tears in my eyes because as exhausting and draining and emotionally raw and fragile a time it is, as I look back now, I realize what an honor it was to sit by two people's bedsides that I adored and to have had those final moments with them. For me, I was able to talk to them and hold their hands even when they couldn't respond, and as unsettling as some of the times were when they were clearly uncomfortable/under the influence of medication, when they got to the very end it was peaceful. They both just sort of slipped away. To this day, I'm happy knowing they left this world surrounded by love and light, which is what they gave me every single day of my childhood. I miss them dearly and reading something like this brings up so many memories, but I'm thankful to have a minute this morning to sit and think about how wonderful they really were. I hope the final journey you take with your mother is filled with quiet reflections and happy memories. I'm sending prayers for you.

Just checking in on OP. I hope you are doing ok today.

Anonymous wrote:I sang to my mother for the week when she was in hospice care. (We were in the church choir together decades before.) Every so often her lips would move as if she was trying to sing with me. It was the only thing that I could do for her.

I am very sorry.

This is so nice to read. Ann and Nancy Wilson from the band Heart sang to both their parents as their lives ended. I imagine that was a sweet way to leave this world.

I've been through this three times - my FIL (although at the time DH and I were only newly engaged), my great aunt and my grandfather. It's hard and exhausting. Be good to yourself. Don't forget to eat, sleep and take long hot showers. It will help a lot. And if anyone offers to bring food, do a load of laundry or whatever, take the help.

Sending you peace and love, OP. This is one of the hardest parts of life but I promise you won't regret being there for your mom. You're far, far stronger than you think.

I spent four days in hospice with my grandmother, who was like a mother to me. My sister and i were both there and we gave each other breaks. I know now that while it was one of the most difficult experiences of my entire life, it also was the most important and I am so very grateful I was there.

OP, I am so sorry. Be gentle with yourself and please know we all are here keeping you and your family in our thoughts.

I sang to my mother for the week when she was in hospice care. (We were in the church choir together decades before.) Every so often her lips would move as if she was trying to sing with me. It was the only thing that I could do for her.

I am very sorry.

I am so sorry OP. I have been there for the last days with both grandparents, most recently fully taking over the medications duty for my grandfather on the last day as my Mom simply couldn't face it again because of the trauma from her Mom's.

It is hard. So, so hard. But so incredibly important. Caring for a loved one as they pass so they can do so surrounded by love is one of the most important things you can do, I firmly believe that. And hopefully you will have the moments of lucidity at the end that give you back a moment or two with the one you love.

Lean on the hospice nurses - some of them are angels on earth, and they have seen this journey play out many times, they can help you.

And if you are ready, let them know it's OK to let go.

My thoughts are with you.

My MIL (who was very much a mother to me, too) spent her last week with her family by her side. We took turns sitting with her alone, so each of us could have private time with her. She was nonresponsive, but they say you can still hear, so I talked to her. I told her how much I loved her, and how much I felt her love in my life. I wanted her to know that I knew she loved me, even though she could no longer say it out loud. I also told her we would take care of my FIL, because I am sure she worried about that. It was hard, but I am grateful we had the chance to say goodbye. Many people don't get that opportunity.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it ends, but it is so painful while it is happening. It is heartbreaking to watch a parent with a zest for life reaching the end. I am tearing up right now remembering my own mother clutching at those last days of life. I am continually surprised by how the grief resurfaces.

Take good care of yourself during this time, OP, and know you are doing a good thing, giving your mother all the love and comfort you can during the end of her life. Be very gentle with herself after the end, because while you may feel very fragile for a long time afterwards. Lean on the people around you.

Sending you hugs.

Yes, yes - this poster has it exactly right.