You need to get over yourself - you're having a Bridezilla moment.

I was in a dire bad financial situation that VERY few people knew about and had to miss several weddings and big events. One friend said she'd fly me across the country to attend her wedding, and even though that's outrageously generous it was STILL unaffordable for me. I would have had to buy a dress, pay money to get from my house to the airport, pay to get from the airport to the wedding location (or impose on somebody), pay for a hotel of some sort (or again, impose on somebody) and whatever food I'd need to eat, etc. I couldn't bring myself to tell the friend "Hey, it's nice of you to offer to fly me over but that's not enough money and I'd need more to be able to get to your wedding." That's such an awkward and awful thing to say to someone.

Be gracious. Tell her you're sad and you'll miss her.

I would be hurt that she brought up her europe/wedding trip in the same email letting you know she couldn't make yours for financial reasons. that would be like a slap to the face.

I think you say, "I totally understand. I'll be bummed not to see you there, but I understand. Keep me posted, ok?" And then let it drop.

Here's the thing - I had to skip some travel weddings in my 20's and 30's because I just couldn't afford it. Part of it was that the expense was just not in the budget, but it was also because most folks were traveling as couples, and as a single person, it can suck to have to pay for a hotel room by yourself, to go to a wedding by yourself, where you may not know many people. It can make you feel like a loser, and a loser who is paying a lot to feel like a loser. So rather than spend a couple thousand on a wedding for a person who was no longer a big part of my life, I sent my regrets.

I'm spending a lot of money in the spring to go to a destination wedding of some very good friends. I really can't afford it. But I miss 99% of their trips with our other friends (I have a kid and less money), so it is really important to me to go to this wedding. It will be a financial burden. But probably worth it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Our location is in a fun, accessible city. Definitely not as cool as Europe, but then again, that would be harder for guests...

I do agree, some financial weight may have fallen on her shoulders more recently that I am not aware of. People choose to spend their money on what they choose to spend it on, and it looks like going to my wedding is not it. I guess it is a little hard to hear when sandwiched between detail on the vacation she just took and the travel she has next on tap.

But who knows, I could have done something to tick her off, but I am not sure what. Our conversations and tone are all the same; the email she sent yesterday was filled all the usual dating life, work, vacation chatter.

You're a bitch.

What? Same take away everyone else had said, in less nice ways. OP, it sucks and your friendship will survive or it won't. I would be upset too, but it's life.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have been in your shoes. It really stinks.

A good friend flaked on me at my wedding for the same reason. She got married the next year after mine and I went to her bachelorette, her bridal shower and her wedding, all of which were out of town for me. I couldn't attend her engagement party because of work travel I was doing and she was really upset. That kind of stung me too.

You call not being able to afford attendance at your wedding "flaking"?
Some of you heffas are real dumb behind divas!!

OP, I have been in your shoes. It really stinks.

A good friend flaked on me at my wedding for the same reason. She got married the next year after mine and I went to her bachelorette, her bridal shower and her wedding, all of which were out of town for me. I couldn't attend her engagement party because of work travel I was doing and she was really upset. That kind of stung me too.

Unless she's really dense she likely knows that this is hurtful to you and has been stressing over ways to soften the blow. As hard as it is, her reasons for declining are honestly not your business. Be kind, express your (genuine!) remorse over her absence, and get something on the calendar to get together afterwards. Maintain the friendship!

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Our location is in a fun, accessible city. Definitely not as cool as Europe, but then again, that would be harder for guests...

I do agree, some financial weight may have fallen on her shoulders more recently that I am not aware of. People choose to spend their money on what they choose to spend it on, and it looks like going to my wedding is not it. I guess it is a little hard to hear when sandwiched between detail on the vacation she just took and the travel she has next on tap.

But who knows, I could have done something to tick her off, but I am not sure what. Our conversations and tone are all the same; the email she sent yesterday was filled all the usual dating life, work, vacation chatter.

You're a bitch.

OP, I had a wedding in a different state and none of my closest friends were able to come due to child care and/or money issues. I was sad but was never angry about it. Money is tight with a lot of people these days, in case you haven't noticed.

It's your turn to BE a good friend and let her off the hook.

You want friends who you are close with to be excited for you and stand up for you at your wedding. I get that and where the original poster is coming from. She said she is having a small wedding and did not invite a lot of people, so the ones she did invite are presumably the ones she really is close with and wants to have there.

OP -- GROW UP
Seriously -- GROW UP!!
If this woman has been a dear friend, been there for you through ups and downs and says she cannot attend (for whatever reason) -- let it go. Yes you are disappointed, but life is wayyyyyy loonger than your wedding day.
I had close friends who could not attend my wedding, i wished they had been there, but they were there for me for LIFE, that one day did not erase everything else.
Oh and by the way, GROW UP!

OP here. Our location is in a fun, accessible city. Definitely not as cool as Europe, but then again, that would be harder for guests...

I do agree, some financial weight may have fallen on her shoulders more recently that I am not aware of. People choose to spend their money on what they choose to spend it on, and it looks like going to my wedding is not it. I guess it is a little hard to hear when sandwiched between detail on the vacation she just took and the travel she has next on tap.

But who knows, I could have done something to tick her off, but I am not sure what. Our conversations and tone are all the same; the email she sent yesterday was filled all the usual dating life, work, vacation chatter.

Why do people think everyone else is supposed to care deeply about heir own wedding?

Maybe you pissed her off and she's not telling you about it.