My family lives 5 minutes away from us. I like having them close, but just a little farther would be better - like 20 minutes to half an hour. I don't like unannounced drop-bys, which the extreme proximity encourages.

Perfect for me would be down the street. I wish. It's so, so nice to have the help and love of parents around when you have little ones.

2 hours - it's possible for them to get to you or you to get to them fairly quickly in case of an emergency but otherwise it takes a little planning for weekend trips!

Since my parents can't drive, they can be as close as they want and I still have total control over when I see them, heh heh.

Anonymous wrote:Now that they are older and need help, the closer the better.

This- I think now about how they would help with the kids, but know that in 10-20 years it will be more how I can help them. Alas, we have 3 sets of parents and multiple step siblings now so I am sure its all going to be a bit tricky later on.

My mother is helpful and awesome and lives about 15 minutes from us. It's perfect, I wouldn't mind living on the same street to be honest.

My in-laws are way more annoying and emotionally high maintenance, they live about 45 mins to an hour away. I think in a lot of ways it's the perfect distance. It's not so far that we have to spend the night when we visit and can easily do a day trip. But it's far enough (down a heavy traffic corridor) that there aren't any visits that aren't planned in advance. My MIL loved to complain we didn't go see them enough before the baby. Since our DC was born, our MIL has been coming to us and she is FULL of complaints about traffic and how far it is. Yeah, I know, that's why we don't always want to come to you. I'd hate having to spend like 4 solid days with my in-laws, afternoon visits is fine. Even better now with our baby because we can't linger (my MIL loves to stall our departure by bringing up random things or asking random favors as we are putting on our coats) and when we have to go, we have to go.

I wish my parents were within an hour's drive. They're about 300 miles away. They have good boundaries and would be helpful.

ILs are divorced and each lives over 1000 miles away. They're good people at their core, but lack boundaries, and wouldn't be particularly good caregivers in a pinch anyway. So I'd rather keep them at arm's length. MIL stresses DH out and they aren't close.

I would like less than 30 mins. But ours are a plane ride away.

Now that they are older and need help, the closer the better.

My parents are helpful and respect boundaries, so for me I'd love to live 30 minutes from them.

I'd be happy to have MIL closer, but FIL has his own issues and it would be challenging for everyone involved if he were nearby.

For me, its same city/ metro area.

My parents don't drive me or my DH crazy and really neither does my MIL. Her husband (not DH father) kind of does drive me nuts and DH does better with him but he makes MIL happy for some reason so I wouldn't mind having her in town either.

The one thing I am sad about with kids is them missing out on the close multigenerational bond that comes from being in the same area. There is something different about having visits vs. being able to go to school plays or whatever. Its actually kind of easier too- the time with parents can be an hour here and there and not the intensity of multiday visits that I think a lot of people with parent problems dread. Or at least that's my theory.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Transatlantic is good for us.

I feel you.

I prefer Transcaribbean.

Parents are 1 mile and 5 miles away. ILs, when they were alive, were initially 2.5 hours, then 45 minutes away. I prefer close because we don't spend any of our vacation time or $ traveling to see family, and it's nice to have family be able to participate in kid events without it being a big production. They can come to games, performances, etc. when they want to. Thanksgiving and Christmas are local.

I wish we were around 30 minutes from my parents. That would be ideal.

My ILs are a 6 hour plane flight away. I'd prefer if it were 16 hours.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Transatlantic is good for us.

I feel you.

We decided to do this- literally- as my mother-in-law was really, really hard on our marriage. That said, now when she visits she stays with us for weeks. better for the marriage overall but sucks more in other ways.