Anonymous
Post 11/05/2014 12:26     Subject: If you don't like your DIL
Anonymous wrote:My MIL prefers her daughter who is helpless. She loves being a martyr and swooping in to save the day. She really really resents that DH and I don't need her help with money, childcare, advice, etc. Of course her daughter isn't married, so I'm the only in-law and there's no one else to "steal" holidays away from her etc.

The kicker is that she is always dropping hints that she wants to help us, bc she loves saving the day, but when we ask for help (honestly, just to make her happy) she acts like we've tasked her to be our servant. So then we don't ask and she tells us we clearly don't want her around. It's a never ending cycle and is SO tiring.



Yes. ILs are hurt that we don't need them in a dependent way.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2014 12:24     Subject: Re:If you don't like your DIL
Anonymous wrote:I'm very WASPy and my MIL finds me cold. She loves nothing more than to give a big hug and kiss, or when everyone's sitting on the couch after dinner to put a throw over everyone's laps and "be cozy". She's just thrown by how non-demonstrative I am. I also parent more strictly than she did and am not a kid person. Those things throw her too.


Everyone cozy up under a throw together?? Stick to your WASPy ways, pp!
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2014 12:15     Subject: If you don't like your DIL
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My MIL has actually had family meetings (not including me or DH of course) about how much she dislikes me. I asked my BIL if there were good refreshments at the meeting. I'm sure she needed the extra energy for all the hate



Try to understand where she is coming from (prolly messed up). Take the high road....she is family!


Oh we've tried. I won't completely hijack the thread, but she has issues. They all kowtow to her and I called her on her bs and she no longer likes me.
You sound like a bitch.


Yes, I'm a bitch for standing up for myself after her deplorable behavior.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2014 12:11     Subject: Re:If you don't like your DIL
Any of you poor DILs who are not at fault for anything have sons?
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2014 11:56     Subject: Re:If you don't like your DIL
Anonymous wrote:I love mine because she gave me two amazing, wonderful, loving grandchildren.


Yeah, that's how MILs often see their DILs - as an attachment to the children that MIL thinks she owns.

These are not your children, they're hers.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2014 11:50     Subject: If you don't like your DIL
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My MIL has actually had family meetings (not including me or DH of course) about how much she dislikes me. I asked my BIL if there were good refreshments at the meeting. I'm sure she needed the extra energy for all the hate



Try to understand where she is coming from (prolly messed up). Take the high road....she is family!


Oh we've tried. I won't completely hijack the thread, but she has issues. They all kowtow to her and I called her on her bs and she no longer likes me.
You sound like a bitch.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2014 11:29     Subject: If you don't like your DIL
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My MIL has actually had family meetings (not including me or DH of course) about how much she dislikes me. I asked my BIL if there were good refreshments at the meeting. I'm sure she needed the extra energy for all the hate



Try to understand where she is coming from (prolly messed up). Take the high road....she is family!


Oh we've tried. I won't completely hijack the thread, but she has issues. They all kowtow to her and I called her on her bs and she no longer likes me.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2014 11:19     Subject: If you don't like your DIL
Anonymous wrote:My MIL has actually had family meetings (not including me or DH of course) about how much she dislikes me. I asked my BIL if there were good refreshments at the meeting. I'm sure she needed the extra energy for all the hate



Try to understand where she is coming from (prolly messed up). Take the high road....she is family!
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2014 11:12     Subject: If you don't like your DIL
My MIL has actually had family meetings (not including me or DH of course) about how much she dislikes me. I asked my BIL if there were good refreshments at the meeting. I'm sure she needed the extra energy for all the hate

Anonymous
Post 11/05/2014 11:06     Subject: If you don't like your DIL
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My MIL doesn't hate me, but I definitely rocked the boat when I came along and didn't just go along with her passive -aggressive behavior for the sake of "family peace."


+1

I, too, think MIL is threatened by me because I am so different from her. As if it is some kind of insult or personal affront to her, that I am so opposite in every way. I try to celebrate differences in people; that is what I was taught to do, and it is why I have some remarkable friends and family. In MIL's tiny world, "different" is "negative". In MIL's world, it is her way, it is about her, or forget it; especially if it is a wedding, funeral, birth - any kind of event about someone else.

I really would like to get along with her, and have tried. It is just too much work. She's not a happy person, and I'm not a professional therapist by trade.

Funny, few or no MILs are chiming in.


Most of the responses so far have been DILs criticizing their MILs, and it is pretty obvious that any MILs who post are going to get attacked. Not to mention that the demographics of the board tend young enough that there probably aren't loads of people reading this whose kids are married. I know my mom and MIL don't look at forums like this.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2014 10:54     Subject: Re:If you don't like your DIL
If you don't like you DIL, shame on you! Figure out a way to like her. You are the older adult in this picture and, at whatever age you are, you should know how to understand your DIL. The world has changed so much....figure out how to roll with the changes and teach your daughter what respect is by respecting her!
She is family.
SIGNED, A MIL 2x.
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2014 10:50     Subject: If you don't like your DIL
Anonymous wrote:DILs get off this thread! The op has asked MILs this question.

We have plenty of DIL blah blah blah on other threads

I agree, and I am one of those "blah blah blah DILs"
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2014 10:47     Subject: If you don't like your DIL
DILs get off this thread! The op has asked MILs this question.

We have plenty of DIL blah blah blah on other threads
Anonymous
Post 11/05/2014 10:43     Subject: If you don't like your DIL
My MIL prefers her daughter who is helpless. She loves being a martyr and swooping in to save the day. She really really resents that DH and I don't need her help with money, childcare, advice, etc. Of course her daughter isn't married, so I'm the only in-law and there's no one else to "steal" holidays away from her etc.

The kicker is that she is always dropping hints that she wants to help us, bc she loves saving the day, but when we ask for help (honestly, just to make her happy) she acts like we've tasked her to be our servant. So then we don't ask and she tells us we clearly don't want her around. It's a never ending cycle and is SO tiring.

Anonymous
Post 11/05/2014 10:26     Subject: Re:If you don't like your DIL
I'm very WASPy and my MIL finds me cold. She loves nothing more than to give a big hug and kiss, or when everyone's sitting on the couch after dinner to put a throw over everyone's laps and "be cozy". She's just thrown by how non-demonstrative I am. I also parent more strictly than she did and am not a kid person. Those things throw her too.