Didn't read all the posts, but it reminded me of another thread where the daughter regretted meeting her biological dad before he died even though he had done bad things in his life. Have your kids met her? Maybe you could have a very brief meeting with your kids, just so she's not a mystery to them, but it doesn't sound like a relationship worth investing time in. So, if you don't feel like it, don't.

I guess my post in the non-explicit relationship forum was locked. Very annoyed that happened. I only posted in case others don't read this family forum.

I want nothing to do with my mom but I can't help but feel partially guilty. My mom cut contact with her sisters once she left us and found my step-dad. They didnt reconnect until I was 17. My dad never had any family and without my mothers family, it did leave a hole. I'd imagine what it would be like to have cousins and family reunions. It worries me that my children will have to grow up why those same feelings. Most of my family no longer talks to me because I cut contact with my mother.

I know DH wants the best but he sees how hurtful it is to not have my families support. We are no longer invited to family reunions, holidays, birthdays, etc. It can be isolating at times and he doesn't want our children to suffer that same reality. Of course he cares about our children safety and will becee allow ger contact if she crosses the line, but he is hopeful. He's an incredibly good-hearted man. I know what I'm doing is best but it doesn't make it any easier. I told him its end of discussion and I'm sticking to my guns on this. My mom deserves nothing from me and deserves no right to be apart of our lives.

OP, you shouldn't bring a Grandmother into your child's life because you WISH your daughter had a Grandmother.

Worse - because your husband "wishes"

Wishes are not reality. Your daughter deserves a Mother to protect her and have strong gasp of reality.

Don't risk your daughter.

I have a toxic mom too perhaps not as overtly toxic but in her own passive aggressive way she is. I definitely limit our contact with her and seriously bad people are bad, regardless how they are related to you. Save your child from heartaches and torment. Life is hard enough already and too short to put time and effort into dangerous relationships. Took me a lot of tears and time to just let her go but life is a lot better now.

I wouldn't let her anywhere near me or my children.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think you're in the right and I support your decision. I get DH's desire to have closure, but now it's too late for him and he shouldn't do it vicariously through your child. He needs to let the sleeping dog lie.

+1

He really shouldn't try to encourage this relationship with your child. Your toxic manipulative mother is going to use your child in toxic, manipulative ways. I've BTDT.

Don't do it. Keep your kid as far from her as possible.

OP, I think you're in the right and I support your decision. I get DH's desire to have closure, but now it's too late for him and he shouldn't do it vicariously through your child. He needs to let the sleeping dog lie.