Stop bailing family out. Since you mother and sister are capable sane adults, let them figure it out. If you want to help your mother, look for apartment buildings that tend to cater to the over 50 crowd and are near a senior center or community center so she can have a social life on her own. Sort of like a step before assisted living.

but=by

Anonymous wrote:OP, what does your parent want? It sounds as though your parent is capable of living on his/her own, and has at least some financial resources. Does s/he want to continue living with your sister? Live alone if s/he can afford it? Live with you? You seem to be see your parent as a football -- an object to be thrown around, one that has no cognitive abilities or feelings. But your emails suggest otherwise.
If I were in your shoes I would stop focusing on your sister, and start focusing on your parent, trying to figure out what s/he wants, and whether you can or are willing to help make that a reality. If you can't do even that, then I think you owe both parent and sister a statement saying that you have decided to abandon both family members.

Emails? I think you mean posts?

OP here. I think my sister is the one that treats the parent as a "football" - with no feelings, just money for her to get her filthy hands on, unfortunately. At this point, I think I know the answer. Frankly, we are a little tired of bailing everyone out. We pay for all of the big ticket items in the family, without going into detail (please and thank you). I think we are being used but the sister, just as the parent is being used by the sister. Since you asked.

Sister wants to be "rid of" parent, now that sister has gotten everything she can from her, sadly.

We can't take parent in, because parent was emotionally abusive growing up, and we have small children to consider. We need to protect them. As parents, I am sure you understand that perspective?

In addition, parent is the type that does not want to be alone, yet is never happy, so there is no pleasing parent. Or sister, for that matter. I think we have given all we can, and sister should consider herself lucky at this point.

OP, what does your parent want? It sounds as though your parent is capable of living on his/her own, and has at least some financial resources. Does s/he want to continue living with your sister? Live alone if s/he can afford it? Live with you? You seem to be see your parent as a football -- an object to be thrown around, one that has no cognitive abilities or feelings. But your emails suggest otherwise.
If I were in your shoes I would stop focusing on your sister, and start focusing on your parent, trying to figure out what s/he wants, and whether you can or are willing to help make that a reality. If you can't do even that, then I think you owe both parent and sister a statement saying that you have decided to abandon both family members.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do not have a choice in what facility has a MedicAid bed open . You have to wait for a bed to open. And they arw limited much like the limitations Doctor offices have on their Medicaid Medicare patients to keep the ratio cost effective.
You quote me in your disagreement but we are saying the same thing .
I do this for a living, trust me when I say you are lucky of you got to shop around at all. Many areas are not fortunate enough to have any options at all, ie, one or two facilities per county .

Glad we did not go to you for help. It was not easy but you are not correct. We are in the #1 rated facility and they have many medicaid patients though some were private pay first. It is a great facility and even have a private room. With a strong advocate anything is possible. We absolutely had a choice but had trouble finding someone who would accept it.

But, this is not op issue.

This is crazy, you keep telling me how incorrect I am but then are saying the same thing I am . Lol!!

And what's really crazy is that you guys keep derailing the thread with this, since the parent in question apparently won't even remotely qualify for nursing home care.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You do not have a choice in what facility has a MedicAid bed open . You have to wait for a bed to open. And they arw limited much like the limitations Doctor offices have on their Medicaid Medicare patients to keep the ratio cost effective.
You quote me in your disagreement but we are saying the same thing .
I do this for a living, trust me when I say you are lucky of you got to shop around at all. Many areas are not fortunate enough to have any options at all, ie, one or two facilities per county .

Glad we did not go to you for help. It was not easy but you are not correct. We are in the #1 rated facility and they have many medicaid patients though some were private pay first. It is a great facility and even have a private room. With a strong advocate anything is possible. We absolutely had a choice but had trouble finding someone who would accept it.

But, this is not op issue.

This is crazy, you keep telling me how incorrect I am but then are saying the same thing I am . Lol!!

The responsible thing to do would be to help your sister find somewhere to put her

If your parent can care for the self, then get them in a subsidized program by income. That is your best option.

Anonymous wrote:You do not have a choice in what facility has a MedicAid bed open . You have to wait for a bed to open. And they arw limited much like the limitations Doctor offices have on their Medicaid Medicare patients to keep the ratio cost effective.
You quote me in your disagreement but we are saying the same thing .
I do this for a living, trust me when I say you are lucky of you got to shop around at all. Many areas are not fortunate enough to have any options at all, ie, one or two facilities per county .

Glad we did not go to you for help. It was not easy but you are not correct. We are in the #1 rated facility and they have many medicaid patients though some were private pay first. It is a great facility and even have a private room. With a strong advocate anything is possible. We absolutely had a choice but had trouble finding someone who would accept it.

But, this is not op issue.

Anonymous wrote:Could sibling get in trouble for squandering parents' money? Could sibling be held accountable?

If parent has a sound mind, I'm guessing no.

Probably not. We reported the theft to adult protective services, the police, medicaid, Medicare, and others and none would do anything about my family members missing money, car, house, jewelry, clothing and more. And, we had some proof.

Sounds familiar.

Can your parent be persuaded to live elsewhere without toxic sibling, so that the money you send will only be used for the parent?

Could sibling get in trouble for squandering parents' money? Could sibling be held accountable?

If parent has a sound mind, I'm guessing no.

Thanks for those who took the time to respond. Parent is able bodied and of full mental capacity, perfectly capable. Parent cooks and cleans for sibling, cleans up after animals (all day), and is generally used by sibling for money.

Parent paid monthly rent to sibling for first four years; then sibling (knows systems very well and works them accordingly, in her favor) had parent's ss raised considerably (don't know how!!??). Parent has medicaid/care (whichever applies) for all health care and prescriptions, no out of pocket health care, no exigent circumstances or exorbitant expenses.

Sibling has alcohol and spending problem. Sibling has taken money from other siblings, systematically, in past. Sibling wants help in care of parent, now that sibling has spent all of parent's money on herself. Parent had considerable savings after other parent died, but wrote considerable checks to sibling "just because" (no reason).

Could sibling get in trouble for squandering parents' money? Could sibling be held accountable?

In other words, parent was fine to live with sibling when sibling wanted parents money and belongings; now sibling wants no responsibility, a few years later.

You do not have a choice in what facility has a MedicAid bed open . You have to wait for a bed to open. And they arw limited much like the limitations Doctor offices have on their Medicaid Medicare patients to keep the ratio cost effective.
You quote me in your disagreement but we are saying the same thing .
I do this for a living, trust me when I say you are lucky of you got to shop around at all. Many areas are not fortunate enough to have any options at all, ie, one or two facilities per county .