Anonymous wrote:Teacher here. Intervene!!!! He needs you!!!! New school, new environment, new expectations, new peer pressures. Give him a little support. At least in the beginning!!

Sounds like you don't want to deal with a student who is having a hrd time at it. It makes your job easier.

Let him struiggle and find his way. The grades are free now, in high school they won't be and they will end up relying on you more.

Anonymous wrote:Dear 9:14 - you had me till you felt the need to point out your own gifted kids who are clearly head and shoulders above the rest.

Dear 9:51 - I was pointing out that you don't have to helicopter your kids into good schools and colleges. You can shift the burden onto them and they will still end up in good places. If it's your habit to take everything as a personal rebuke, I can't help that.

My 10 year old son has ADHD, which manifests itself most in organizational issues and time management problems, and also in poor impulse control (wants to read or play before working, etc).

So from that standpoint, and knowing this is a new environment for him, I would:

1. Be very hands-on at first! Guide him through a working afternoon, with snack, homework, and then free play. We have a dry-erase easel with the day's schedule on it, as well as a Time-Timer, which is a visual count-down clock. Be there with him, help him with all details and use language like: "when you do this by yourself next week, remember to set your timer when you start working / put away the previous homework when you start another subject / etc..." or whatever he's having trouble with.

2. Then you gradually pull away. Do something else, but be in the house somewhere and issue verbal reminders of what he should be doing.
Then at some point you won't even have to be there.

3. Incentives for putting forth his best effort without going all perfectionist (perfectionism is NOT a good thing - trust me, I know)! Video games only if he's done his work.

Dear 9:14 - you had me till you felt the need to point out your own gifted kids who are clearly head and shoulders above the rest.

Take away computer games and TV during the week. Take away the iPhone from 7-10 or whatever works for your family (texting and social media are huge distractions).

You can hire tutors who will just work on organization skills. Often bright kids cruise through ES and even MS with minimal effort. I know my kid got straight As just studying in the 5 minutes before the tests were handed out. So many kids don't have the organizational and study skills for middle and high school. If this is going to cause strife or be heard as nagging, hire someone else. We used Thinking Organized in MD but there are others.

Of course your middle schooler still needs to be quizzed on vocab and history facts. Also, you can brainstorm with them That's different from rewriting the essay for him or reading the English novel along with him, which at this age is too much. Also, even the quizzing stuff should phase out by junior or senior year, so they're independent by college. By then, if they need quizzing, they can make flash cards or use Quizlet.

Signed, one kid now at an Ivy and another in a magnet

Why are parents so quick to cut the apron strings for a minor child? I don't get it. My DD is a senior in a big 3 school, and she still benefits from organizational help for time management. She does all the work, but if she needs help studying for a test (quizzing her, etc.) we always are there for her, and since she gets great grades and high SAT scores, etc., it's not like she could only be getting great grades because we are supervising. When these kids take tests, they are on their own, but there's nothing wrong with helping them understand the material if they need it. My DD isn't old enough to legally drink, smoke, vote or bowl on a Friday or Saturday night at Lucky Strike, and she certainly doesn't write the huge tuition checks every year, which is why we are the parents and she is still called our child. Most parents on this site would admit that they get help for their occupation, or even just housework help or yard work help, etc. It's not realistic to teach your kid that they are totally on their own. There will come a time when none of us would want our kids to treat us like that! ?

Take away the computer games during the week. Mon-Thurs night.

Anonymous wrote:My DS went through something similar this year, starting a new school, and he is doing much better. I think its normal. There are new demands, its probably more difficult, and the routines are different.

I don't think it ever works for parents to get involved in the substance of homework. It just amps up the tensions at home and, if successful, keeps the teachers from seeing where the student needs help. You should set up a structure for him to complete homework. Rules about when and where and what privileges have to wait until he's done. And then encourage him to meet with his teachers one on one to discuss problems. Learning how to take this step -- asking teachers for help -- was the most valuable skill my children acquired to make them successful students.

+1 on the above. Over time we saw that the teachers did an excellent job of gradually increasing study and organization skills. There were bumps but thankfully in middle school before anything really counts. The prep for upper school independence was invaluable. They never proposed that we get involved personally in the more challenging coursework though, so your school environment may be different. Looking back now, middle school was rougher than upper school in many ways. Hope it gets easier for you on the sooner.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teacher here. Intervene!!!! He needs you!!!! New school, new environment, new expectations, new peer pressures. Give him a little support. At least in the beginning!!

I've never heard a teacher say this. What I've heard teachers say is to bring the issues to her so she can work with the child.

I just think your wrong. Support, sure, but the bulk of the heavy lifting should be between the teacher and student.

Well I for one hear it all the time. In fact I've never heard a teacher say what you're suggesting -- every teacher I've ever worked with has wanted us to support academic work at home.

NO COMPUTER GAMES OR OTHER SCREENS DURING THE SCHOOL WEEK PERIOD. That is the rule in our home. On weekends, OK but onlyl after all homework and other tasks are done. Yes, they all turned out very well and placed well in the college sweepstakes.

Anonymous wrote:Teacher here. Intervene!!!! He needs you!!!! New school, new environment, new expectations, new peer pressures. Give him a little support. At least in the beginning!!

I've never heard a teacher say this. What I've heard teachers say is to bring the issues to her so she can work with the child.

I just think your wrong. Support, sure, but the bulk of the heavy lifting should be between the teacher and student.

Teacher here. Intervene!!!! He needs you!!!! New school, new environment, new expectations, new peer pressures. Give him a little support. At least in the beginning!!

Insist he meet with his teachers and ask them to go over anything he doesn't fully understand. If necessary he can set up weekly meetings. He needs to do this himself. I am not against you offering to support him with his homework, but the key to success at the top schools is self advocacy. He may need tutors in one or two topic
if you can afford it. This takes you out of the picture which is good for kids at this age.

Insist he meet with his teachers and ask them to go over anything he doesn't fully understand. If necessary he can set up weekly meetings. He needs to do this himself. I am not against you offering to support him with his homework, but the key to success at the top schools is self advocacy. He may need tutors in one or two topic
if you can afford it. This takes you out of the picture which is good for kids at this age.

This is a tough thing because he is in, what, 7th or 8th grade? If you help him selectively with the assignments for classes he is struggling in, you may miss an overarching problem or motivation issue. If you just let him figure it out, he might sink more than is optimal.

Does the current school (or did the previous one) systematically teach executive skills?

You say you're hearing two different things from the teachers. Does he have a homeroom teacher or advisor? What does that teacher say? Have you spoken with the counselor for his grade?

You never saw hints of disorganization or other issues prior to the change of schools?

How is his social adjustment in the new school?