Anonymous
10/23/2014 15:12
Subject: Re:How do you handle nosy people, esp MIL asking if you are TTC
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'll definitely let you know when there's anything to share!
Nope- don't give her that foot in the door. You want to shut the convo down and make it clear this is between you and DH.
God...some of you are so uptight. You are one of those DIL. It's fairly normal for a parent of an adult, married child to hope for and inquire about grandchildren. Yes, it is for the couple to decide when to discuss or give news, but you make it sound like she's a paparazzi. The former PP's statement is pretty clear and a heck of a lot more polite. This is the way to be nice to your in-laws instead of alienating them.
I used a similar phrase, "We'll be sure to tell you when there's any news to share." We still controlled when we announced, but both of our curious mothers got the hint and waited until we told them and stopped hinting/asking after we said the above (and we didn't have children for many years after we got married).
Disagree. It's bad form and none of their business.
You must be one of those self-centered millenials.
She's family. Get over yourself.
Anonymous
10/23/2014 15:09
Subject: Re:How do you handle nosy people, esp MIL asking if you are TTC
We don't know. We're still trying to get an answeer from the urlogist if the vasectomy can be reversed.
That should stop her from asking or at least make her talk to your husband instead. If you are the husband, substitute tubes tied.
That should stop her from asking or at least make her talk to your husband instead. If you are the husband, substitute tubes tied.
Anonymous
10/23/2014 15:07
Subject: How do you handle nosy people, esp MIL asking if you are TTC
Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one not weirded out by inquiries about future grandchildren? I would just give an honest answer - we're thinking about it or no, not right now or we're open minded about it but not specifically trying right now.
No one actually wants details. Just a simple, honest answer to the question will do. Yes/No/We'll take what we get
yes. it's intrusive and none of your business.
Anonymous
10/23/2014 14:50
Subject: How do you handle nosy people, esp MIL asking if you are TTC
Anonymous wrote:I had to have this conversation with my mother... "Mom, stop asking. You'll be the first to know when there's something to share. Until then the subject is off limits." It mostly worked. I had to be consistent about ignoring further inquires (which were infrequent after that).
I had a similar conversation with my mother. But it's harder to be that rude/blunt with others.
Anonymous
10/23/2014 14:49
Subject: How do you handle nosy people, esp MIL asking if you are TTC
Am I the only one not weirded out by inquiries about future grandchildren? I would just give an honest answer - we're thinking about it or no, not right now or we're open minded about it but not specifically trying right now.
No one actually wants details. Just a simple, honest answer to the question will do. Yes/No/We'll take what we get
No one actually wants details. Just a simple, honest answer to the question will do. Yes/No/We'll take what we get
Anonymous
10/23/2014 13:51
Subject: Re:How do you handle nosy people, esp MIL asking if you are TTC
"Why do you ask?" Then look puzzled. Whatever she says, respond "Huh."
If you need something stronger: "Why would you ask such a personal question?" Look politely shocked.
If you need something stronger: "Why would you ask such a personal question?" Look politely shocked.
Anonymous
10/23/2014 13:49
Subject: How do you handle nosy people, esp MIL asking if you are TTC
When I was going through infertility and people would ask (not my in-laws, bc they know about the IF) when we were going to have kids I always would answer with "I don't know" (which was true, I couldn't get pregnant so I had no control over when) and then if they asked follow up questions about when we were going to start trying I always said: "Oh you'll be the first to know!". That usually shut them up.
Anonymous
10/23/2014 13:48
Subject: How do you handle nosy people, esp MIL asking if you are TTC
I had to have this conversation with my mother... "Mom, stop asking. You'll be the first to know when there's something to share. Until then the subject is off limits." It mostly worked. I had to be consistent about ignoring further inquires (which were infrequent after that).
Anonymous
10/23/2014 13:40
Subject: Re:How do you handle nosy people, esp MIL asking if you are TTC
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
OP here. This approach might work for some, but my MIL has no concept of boundaries. To hear, hearing the word "No" means "I can keep asking until someone changes his mind." Hearing the words "We'll let you know when there is news" means "I'm going to keep asking until there is news."
She is not versed in the art of context clues or subtlety.
In that case, ask your husband to tell his mom to stop. Have him tell his mom that she is making you both uncomfortable.
I will try this and hope it works out better than during wedding planning. For various reasons, DH and I decided to not engage in ANY wedding planning for several weeks after we became engaged. He explained this to his mom and I assumed she would respect our wishes. She did not. She continued to badger and pester me with questions and suggestions. Eventually he had to hurt her feelings to get her to back off.
Like I stated before, bad track record of respecting boundaries.
Anonymous
10/23/2014 13:31
Subject: Re:How do you handle nosy people, esp MIL asking if you are TTC
Anonymous wrote:
OP here. This approach might work for some, but my MIL has no concept of boundaries. To hear, hearing the word "No" means "I can keep asking until someone changes his mind." Hearing the words "We'll let you know when there is news" means "I'm going to keep asking until there is news."
She is not versed in the art of context clues or subtlety.
In that case, ask your husband to tell his mom to stop. Have him tell his mom that she is making you both uncomfortable.
Anonymous
10/23/2014 13:16
Subject: How do you handle nosy people, esp MIL asking if you are TTC
Anonymous wrote:If she goes in a roundabout way, just smile and ignore.
If she or someone else asks you directly, just say, "we're hoping for the best!" or something generic like that. Then quickly switch topics. Don't engage.
+1
Anonymous
10/23/2014 13:07
Subject: How do you handle nosy people, esp MIL asking if you are TTC
If she goes in a roundabout way, just smile and ignore.
If she or someone else asks you directly, just say, "we're hoping for the best!" or something generic like that. Then quickly switch topics. Don't engage.
If she or someone else asks you directly, just say, "we're hoping for the best!" or something generic like that. Then quickly switch topics. Don't engage.
Anonymous
10/23/2014 13:06
Subject: Re:How do you handle nosy people, esp MIL asking if you are TTC
Anonymous wrote:I'll definitely let you know when there's anything to share!
This!
Anonymous
10/23/2014 13:01
Subject: How do you handle nosy people, esp MIL asking if you are TTC
Hmm...I would say either a bland non-response or a very direct one, once.
So, the first type: "Oh, well that's interesting." "Well, we'll see what the future holds."
More direct: "Gee, that's presumptuous of you! I'll thank you not to bring up that topic again." "Wow, I can't believe you just said that. That's really none of your business."
So, the first type: "Oh, well that's interesting." "Well, we'll see what the future holds."
More direct: "Gee, that's presumptuous of you! I'll thank you not to bring up that topic again." "Wow, I can't believe you just said that. That's really none of your business."
Anonymous
10/23/2014 12:56
Subject: Re:How do you handle nosy people, esp MIL asking if you are TTC
Anonymous wrote:
OP here. This approach might work for some, but my MIL has no concept of boundaries. To hear, hearing the word "No" means "I can keep asking until someone changes his mind." Hearing the words "We'll let you know when there is news" means "I'm going to keep asking until there is news."
She is not versed in the art of context clues or subtlety.
PP with the vague response here. You are going to need to be very direct in that case. I would say something like, "MIL, DH and I know how excited you are to have grandchildren and we hope to someday start a family. But for now, this is a topic that makes me uncomfortable. Please stop asking me about our plans." Or you can have DH deliver that message. Chances are high that your MIL doesn't want to ask your son about baby-making.