Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore and drink wine.

This. But it's vodka. Not enough to get blitzed, but enough not to care.

And what do you do when MIL thinks any drinking at all is a sign of alcoholism? And brings her end-of-days books and pamphlets into the kitchen and living room and strategically places them near wineglasses?

put it in a different glass/bottle

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore and drink wine.

This. But it's vodka. Not enough to get blitzed, but enough not to care.

And what do you do when MIL thinks any drinking at all is a sign of alcoholism? And brings her end-of-days books and pamphlets into the kitchen and living room and strategically places them near wineglasses?

Don't use a wine glass. Figure out a drink that you can add vodka to and sip it out of a reusable travel cup.

Anonymous wrote:Alcohol, nicotine, prescription drugs, runs to the store to get something "you forgot," getting lost in your PEDs, this list goes on....

Yes, I have spent an hour in Safeway before, "picking up a few things". I have also read on my phone in the parking lot.

Tolerance is what is needed and what is sadly lacking in many of these discussions about in-laws.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore and drink wine.

This. But it's vodka. Not enough to get blitzed, but enough not to care.

And what do you do when MIL thinks any drinking at all is a sign of alcoholism? And brings her end-of-days books and pamphlets into the kitchen and living room and strategically places them near wineglasses?

Alcohol, nicotine, prescription drugs, runs to the store to get something "you forgot," getting lost in your PEDs, this list goes on....

I let my DH know my expectations so he understands and anticipates when an issue with them might arise.

Communication is KEY!

Mine just left today after a one week visit. When they are here, I drink every single night. Normally I only drink on the weekends or not at all. They like to sit and visit every night. I just can't do that. So I stopped. I do it for a little while, then I get busy cleaning and organizing, then I go to bed. Everyone seems to have adjusted.

When they're here, I also take a lot of walks, runs, naps, and run errands.

The thing that's helped me the most though is to stand up for myself more. My FIL is constantly trying to get me to eat or drink. It's a control thing. I used to take a little bit to be polite, but now I just say, "I can't, sorry, too full!". For some reason it was really hard for me to do this over the years. He likes to try to get me to eat junk candy with him so he won't be the only one. This year when he shoved Mike and Ikes in front of me and said, "I know you like to eat these too!", I said, "I would never eat those." It felt great.

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the suggestions. I will plan on not accompanying DH for every trip over there and casually sipping something to drink when I am over there

Giving MIL tasks is not an option, as she is not interested in helping or assisting in any way. She expects to be waited on. Back in her home, she has always had someone to clean and cook for her, so she sure as hell is not going to help with any type of household tasks or projects around the house. She has never cooked (or offered) dinner or even lifted a finger to boil water when she and FIL visit.

Drinking it is

Edited to add: Yes, I am VERY grateful they are not staying with us. Although isn't it horrible that I'm hesitant about moving to a larger space because they have already commented that they will start staying with us as soon as we get the room.

Thanks for the suggestions. I will plan on not accompanying DH for every trip over there and casually sipping something to drink when I am over there

Giving MIL tasks is not an option, as she is not interested in helping or assisting in any way. She expects to be waited on. Back in her home, she has always had someone to clean and cook for her, so she sure as hell is not going to help with any type of household tasks or projects around the house. She has never cooked (or offered) dinner or even lifted a finger to boil water when she and FIL visit.

Drinking it is

I continue to work and go about my business while they are here. I am not taking my vacation days to entertain them, if H wants to do so, he's more than welcome to as they are his parents.

Be grateful they aren't staying with you.

I drink enough while they are here to try to block out the incessant complaints.

I plan activities (nothing major as they are getting up in age). I give them -esp. MIL, tasks to "help."
I drink.

So op, how long can you sit and visit? 45min? once or twice a day? Decide on the amount of time you can handle. Schedule activities around it.

You decide.

Anonymous wrote:I would say I had to go into work. I even said this the day after Thanksgiving when it was a holiday for my office. Just leave the house.

I can probably pull leaving the house and not going along to see them one of the days. Any more than that will start to get conspicuous, I think.

I go to bed early. I like my in-laws,but get bored hearing them talk about people I will never know. DH enjoys it though, so I let him spend some quality time with his parents.