Anonymous wrote:This isn't an all-or-nothing thing; on the one hand, if your son is uncomfortable and has clearly expressed his preference to his teacher, I think the teacher needs to respect that, and it's worth you reinforcing his request to the teacher.

On the other hand, it does sound like your son could benefit from some counseling to help him 1) make peace with the absence of his father and 2) learn some strategies to manage his anger.

+1, on both counts. the boy's got some big feelings he needs to learn to manage/put in perspective/etc. lots of boys do.

Anonymous wrote:13:43 again -- It's worth noting that in some communities, calling someone "son" is equivalent to patronizing them. (There's actually an urban dictionary entry on "sonning" someone.)

But in other communities, its a caring term for young men. Actually in communities where there is "sonning", its used out of care as well. Honestly, the last time I heard sonning was in early 90s rap, the kid won't know about that.

I concur to use both strategies, talk to teach and get kid some help- not either or

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Son" has meaning by reference to a parent. It describes a specific relationship. No need for teacher to use it.

No need to get so upset about it either.

No need for me to get upset about a lot of things that bother me, yet they do. If a colleague called me "mother" in all of our interactions, I'd be really, really irritated. If I asked the colleague to stop and he/he continued, I'd get angry. If I tried again to get colleague to stop and colleague did not, I'd be simmering mad too. I'm an adult and am not going to hit the colleague, but inside my head I'd certainly be screaming.

In this case, it's a young kid with serious parent issues. The teacher is being inappropriate by continuing to say this even when asked by the student not to do so. That's when it becomes a big deal. Maybe if the kid started calling his teacher by a specific descriptor (why not son? - also accurate description of teacher!) the teacher would get the drift.

13:43 again -- It's worth noting that in some communities, calling someone "son" is equivalent to patronizing them. (There's actually an urban dictionary entry on "sonning" someone.)

This isn't an all-or-nothing thing; on the one hand, if your son is uncomfortable and has clearly expressed his preference to his teacher, I think the teacher needs to respect that, and it's worth you reinforcing his request to the teacher.

On the other hand, it does sound like your son could benefit from some counseling to help him 1) make peace with the absence of his father and 2) learn some strategies to manage his anger.

Email the teacher, or go in in person and talk with him. Explain in a very kind way that your son gets all bent around the axle about being called "son" and he wants to be called by his first name. You know that the teacher's intention is kindness, but it is backfiring and the boy has asked not to be referred to that way.

Please, can he refrain from calling him "son"? It will improve his relationship with the boy, not hurt it.

Before you leave, make sure that the teacher understands this and isn't treating it flippantly.

How old is your son and have you ever talked to the teacher?

Anonymous wrote:"Son" has meaning by reference to a parent. It describes a specific relationship. No need for teacher to use it.

No need to get so upset about it either.

"Son" has meaning by reference to a parent. It describes a specific relationship. No need for teacher to use it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I mean this in a non-snarky way- if this is causing your son to tremble and to have to actively try not to punch someone, you need to get him in therapy right away.

This. Your kid is messed up. Get him some help before he shoots up his school.

Not OP but that is uncalled for.

What do you think is the appropriate next step?


For your son to learn to control his anger? I mean look, I understand why he doesn't like it and it's rude for teacher to insist, even if he uses 'son' like some people use 'buddy'. But to be trembling with rage? I think your son is having a lot of troubles surrounding his dad and they should be addressed. This is a symptom, not the problem.

Could be this. Could be that teacher is making this into a power struggle and DS feels powerless. I'd get pretty enraged, too, if someone who wielded so much power over me refused to comply with such a personal request. Definitely talk to the teacher, but if it becomes apparent that he won't change for any reason, please help your son with coping strategies. They'll serve him well in life!

Anonymous wrote:OP, I mean this in a non-snarky way- if this is causing your son to tremble and to have to actively try not to punch someone, you need to get him in therapy right away.

This. Your kid is messed up. Get him some help before he shoots up his school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

What do you think is the appropriate next step?

For your son to learn to control his anger? I mean look, I understand why he doesn't like it and it's rude for teacher to insist, even if he uses 'son' like some people use 'buddy'. But to be trembling with rage? I think your son is having a lot of troubles surrounding his dad and they should be addressed. This is a symptom, not the problem.

yes please, this little boy needs help.

Anonymous wrote:While I don't dismiss your child being upset that he is not being called by his name I am unclear on what is particularly offensive about "son". Your son is still a son even with no father in the picture. He is your son. Is it b/c a male authority figure is calling him son? I assume yes b/c you must refer to him as son without him getting angry. As others have said if the teacher calls all the boys son and your child is so upset about it you need to address this with your son. Why does that word bother him so much? As was said by PP this is a symptom of a larger problem.

This. I don't understand why this is an issue at all. He has one parent, he is still a son.

OP who taught him to be this sensitive?