Anonymous
10/25/2014 20:49
Subject: Re:Does anyone have stories of MILs breaking up a marriage?
Anonymous wrote:MILs don't break up a marriage, the other spouse's refusal to set healthy boundaries with that MIL (or FIL) is what breaks up a marriage.
Very well said.
Anonymous
10/24/2014 15:17
Subject: Does anyone have stories of MILs breaking up a marriage?
Anonymous wrote:I also broke off an engagement due to future MIL. Had been living with my then fiancé. I moved into the house that he had already been renting, but we went 50/50 on the rent once I moved in. MIL had a key from back when he was single and may have needed an emergency set or whatever.
She apparently was in the area and needed to use the bathroom so she let herself in and called to complain that the house was a mess. I was shaking with anger. That morning before I left for work I was sorting the laundry & left a big pile of dirty laundry that I was about to wash. I would never have allowed someone to see my house in that state. Finance wouldn't talk to MIL, he said if I had a problem with her, I needed to take it up with her.
There were other incidences, but this was the one that made me realize how much control she had and I just couldn't live like that.
That's terrible.
But honestly, it was your ex-fiancé who messed up most here.
Anonymous
10/23/2014 12:12
Subject: Re:Does anyone have stories of MILs breaking up a marriage?
MIL does not try these things with DH and me, but I often wonder if she secretly hopes that her over 30yo daughters remain single. MIL is divorced, and I think she derives some pleasure in having "all her girls together."
Anonymous
10/23/2014 04:58
Subject: Does anyone have stories of MILs breaking up a marriage?
I also broke off an engagement due to future MIL. Had been living with my then fiancé. I moved into the house that he had already been renting, but we went 50/50 on the rent once I moved in. MIL had a key from back when he was single and may have needed an emergency set or whatever.
She apparently was in the area and needed to use the bathroom so she let herself in and called to complain that the house was a mess. I was shaking with anger. That morning before I left for work I was sorting the laundry & left a big pile of dirty laundry that I was about to wash. I would never have allowed someone to see my house in that state. Finance wouldn't talk to MIL, he said if I had a problem with her, I needed to take it up with her.
There were other incidences, but this was the one that made me realize how much control she had and I just couldn't live like that.
She apparently was in the area and needed to use the bathroom so she let herself in and called to complain that the house was a mess. I was shaking with anger. That morning before I left for work I was sorting the laundry & left a big pile of dirty laundry that I was about to wash. I would never have allowed someone to see my house in that state. Finance wouldn't talk to MIL, he said if I had a problem with her, I needed to take it up with her.
There were other incidences, but this was the one that made me realize how much control she had and I just couldn't live like that.
Anonymous
10/23/2014 00:10
Subject: Does anyone have stories of MILs breaking up a marriage?
My MIL has tried, and will keep trying. She wants a DIL from her culture. She and her son have a lot of trauma, baggage, and boundary issues between them, so it's been a nightmare for me. She's even set him up with other women. He's finally starting to understand the issues, and how her ruthless behavior has affected us both.
Anonymous
10/22/2014 02:13
Subject: Re:Does anyone have stories of MILs breaking up a marriage?
Anonymous wrote:While mil wasn't exclusively the reason for my first marriage breaking up she certainly
was a factor in our issues . Let's just say, when ex proposed we excitedly called our respective parents w the news. Future
Mil cried and cried over the phone; not with joy. Sat next to ex listening to him console her on phone thinking wtf. Was a giant red flag for the
Future.
OMG, we are still together, but my MIL did just this. When I got pregnant, DH went alone to tell her the news.
Anonymous
10/21/2014 23:42
Subject: Re:Does anyone have stories of MILs breaking up a marriage?
My mother played a giant role in the breakup of my early marriage. She tried to buy me off with cash that I would not marry him, threatened to disown my from inheritance if I married him and refused to talk to me for more than1 year after I went ahead with marriage.
I learned that I couldn't control her but could control how I reacted to her. I should have done things better and my failure to do that caused my ex H to resent me.
I learned that I couldn't control her but could control how I reacted to her. I should have done things better and my failure to do that caused my ex H to resent me.
Anonymous
10/21/2014 23:18
Subject: Re:Does anyone have stories of MILs breaking up a marriage?
While mil wasn't exclusively the reason for my first marriage breaking up she certainly
was a factor in our issues . Let's just say, when ex proposed we excitedly called our respective parents w the news. Future
Mil cried and cried over the phone; not with joy. Sat next to ex listening to him console her on phone thinking wtf. Was a giant red flag for the
Future.
was a factor in our issues . Let's just say, when ex proposed we excitedly called our respective parents w the news. Future
Mil cried and cried over the phone; not with joy. Sat next to ex listening to him console her on phone thinking wtf. Was a giant red flag for the
Future.
Anonymous
10/21/2014 20:54
Subject: Does anyone have stories of MILs breaking up a marriage?
This was a major concern for me for years. Specifically that DH would actively choose his mother or me. After a few situations, it became clear that was never going to be the case, and he would always side with his wife. His parents still drive us crazy, but funny enough after a few years (and me lowering the bar and expectations from them) I would say things are much better with them now. They drive DH crazy far more than me these days.
Anonymous
10/21/2014 13:13
Subject: Does anyone have stories of MILs breaking up a marriage?
My DH almost called off our wedding a week before because of my mom. She gave me so much guilt leading up to our wedding, and only looking back do I see how she was trying to make my wedding the one she never had (single mother who never got married).
It wasn't until I sought counsel from friends and a professional that I realized how bad my boundaries were. My mom should've seen how vulnerable I was to boundary issues and protected me, but instead she preyed on it because that's how she is.
Once I realized how bad it was, I was able to get help in making better boundaries.
I guarantee all of you on this thread that the people who get pushed around by their parents at the expense of their marriages have problems with saying no or standing up for themselves/others in all other aspects of life.
It wasn't until I sought counsel from friends and a professional that I realized how bad my boundaries were. My mom should've seen how vulnerable I was to boundary issues and protected me, but instead she preyed on it because that's how she is.
Once I realized how bad it was, I was able to get help in making better boundaries.
I guarantee all of you on this thread that the people who get pushed around by their parents at the expense of their marriages have problems with saying no or standing up for themselves/others in all other aspects of life.
Anonymous
10/21/2014 08:05
Subject: Does anyone have stories of MILs breaking up a marriage?
My mil. My dh has 4 siblings all above the age of 40. Dh and his brother were the only ones who escaped and married. All siblings except dh lived at home for many years into adulthood. Mil and Fil convinced bil to move back to home state for work leaving wife in other state. They worked on him the entire time. Mil wanted all her "little ducks back home". Yes, that is how she talks, The move was supposed to be temporary. He told his dw he wanted a divorce via email. The other sibs had few relationships outside of the family and his sisters have never dated. Ever.
We had lots of problems with them when we had children and they are cut off now. My dh is very glad he escaped.
We had lots of problems with them when we had children and they are cut off now. My dh is very glad he escaped.
Anonymous
10/20/2014 20:17
Subject: Does anyone have stories of MILs breaking up a marriage?
Anonymous wrote:My ex husband's first marriage was great until his inlaws came from their home country to live with them. Then it degenerated rapidly.
I am grateful I met him, but often feel sad that his perfectly good marriage was laid to waste by a domineering MIL.
What did he THINK was going to happen? Did he sign up for the whole family?
