Anonymous wrote:
Any thoughts on what to say to friends, family and colleagues when I do leave ?

Sorry, meant to sarcastically respond to this one, you pussy.

Anonymous wrote:
"In order to be the best dad I can be to my children, both biological and step, I need to be separated from Suzie. I appreciate your love and support through this difficult time."

Jesus H Christ.

Anonymous wrote:Plus I have a standard high powered DC career

Go fuck yourself, you pussy.

Why did you start by mentioning that you usually have a profile name but this time aren't using it?

Why mention your high status career?

How old are the children?

You know you need individual therapy. Line it up ASAP. Were you abused as a child? Heavily criticized? Do you know why you have been gravitating towards this? It's not about blaming yourself or "taking responsibility" that I point this out; in the long-run, for you to have any sense of self or any chance at a balanced relationship with anyone else, you need to know.

It also sounds like you know your current spouse is not going to change.

Is she hypercritical of the kids?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You chose to abandon your children and you choose to be abused. Grow a pair.

This isn't fair. Abused women do this all the time and get a pass because they are in a very dysfunctional place. Abuse takes power away. When he gets healthy and-or gets away from this woman, he will be able to reconnect with his kids.

That's because women are weaker and are not expected to stand up to men. Men are expected to stand up to women. If you'd stand up to your wife, my guess is that everyone would be in a better place.

LOL!!!!

Oh, you were serious, weren't you?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You chose to abandon your children and you choose to be abused. Grow a pair.

This isn't fair. Abused women do this all the time and get a pass because they are in a very dysfunctional place. Abuse takes power away. When he gets healthy and-or gets away from this woman, he will be able to reconnect with his kids.

My advice to a woman who chose to abandon her birth children to go support a stranger's children would actually be much harsher. I'm not buying the oh helpless me victim mentality. He chose this, he needs to own his choice and create a solution. If they aren't his kids, he has no rights. And that's fine, because he should be spending his money, time and effort on the ones he actually fathered.

You are just showing how ignorant you are about the devastating effects of emotional abuse.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You chose to abandon your children and you choose to be abused. Grow a pair.

This isn't fair. Abused women do this all the time and get a pass because they are in a very dysfunctional place. Abuse takes power away. When he gets healthy and-or gets away from this woman, he will be able to reconnect with his kids.

My advice to a woman who chose to abandon her birth children to go support a stranger's children would actually be much harsher. I'm not buying the oh helpless me victim mentality. He chose this, he needs to own his choice and create a solution. If they aren't his kids, he has no rights. And that's fine, because he should be spending his money, time and effort on the ones he actually fathered.

Not the place to go for advise. This is a man hating zone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You chose to abandon your children and you choose to be abused. Grow a pair.

This isn't fair. Abused women do this all the time and get a pass because they are in a very dysfunctional place. Abuse takes power away. When he gets healthy and-or gets away from this woman, he will be able to reconnect with his kids.

That's because women are weaker and are not expected to stand up to men. Men are expected to stand up to women. If you'd stand up to your wife, my guess is that everyone would be in a better place.

The things keeping me from walking out are worry for her and the children's future financial welfare and fear that she'll destroy the few personal items I have. Plus I have a standard high powered DC career and don't want any further embarrassment.

It sounds like you care more about your step-children and material things than you do your own children. You're really fucked up. You sound like my own mother who let my siblings and I be abused and witness abuse. She always showed more consideration for other people and her 'things' than she did us. Because of my personal history, I have very little sympathy for people like you.

Im no expert at this, but I would suggest sitting down with the kids (without DW). Let them know that you and she are having problems and while you would like to work on them and stay married, it may not be possible. Let the kids know that this is not their fault and that you still love them very much. Also tell them that no matter what anyone tells them, you are going to always be there for them and they can call you anytime.

If possible, reinforce to close family friends that you want to remain in the lives of the kids. Your DW sounds like she will poison them against you. You are the adult here. You need to make the effort to keep reaching out to the kids -- first and second marriage. Although they may reject you time after time, they will know that you are trying. Someday they may come to appreciate your efforts.

Good luck Your friends and family will likely be far more supportive of your decision than you could imagine. Tell the truth, but spare everyone the gory details.

Those are great "stock" answers. I truly appreciate it.

Anonymous wrote:1-800-799-SAFE

Good luck to you.

+1

Consider leaving although you might not get custody rights to the step-kids.

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all for the ideas. They help so much.

Any thoughts on what to say to friends, family and colleagues when I do leave ?

OP

Depends if you need a support system. For those you think can help you non-judgmentally, tell them the truth. Otherwise a simple "it didn't work out" is sufficient.