OP, you're doing the right thing. Think about what's best for your kids, and start doing it TODAY. That is what will establish the pattern for the rest of their lives.

And unless MIL does things like this frequently, then I would chalk it up to her being in grief. But even grief does not make it ok for her to be incredibly pushy and screw up your family's routine for an entire day.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for the counterpoints as well. MIL is not close to the grandkids. She lives 10 minutes away and sees them only at major holidays. Now that I think about it, she may just want them there to show them off, as another poster suggested. I appreciate that maybe she wants someone to hug but it wouldn't be the twins unless to put on a show. I'll discuss again with DH in case he thought of a more compelling reason for them to attend.

Is there a luncheon after the funeral (and after naptime) you could bring them to if she just wants to show them off?

Anonymous wrote:No way. I think children should be exposed to death and funerals but not MIL's BFF's DH. Not a close enough relation.

Interesting. I would think that the death of someone who is not close is actually a good place to start introducing kids to the idea and to funeral customs; they can start to think about death with a death that doesn't actually personally affect them, which would be easier for them than dealing with their own grandma's death.

If I were in your shoes, I think I'd consider bringing the kids as a favor if the church/funeral home has a place where DH and I could take the kids out if they got rambunctious, but that's only because I know that my mom and MIL are not the type to request that type of thing if it isn't really important to them. If they were less reasonable, it would be a different story. I also don't have twins, though, so that is probably also a different story.

OP here. Thank you for the counterpoints as well. MIL is not close to the grandkids. She lives 10 minutes away and sees them only at major holidays. Now that I think about it, she may just want them there to show them off, as another poster suggested. I appreciate that maybe she wants someone to hug but it wouldn't be the twins unless to put on a show. I'll discuss again with DH in case he thought of a more compelling reason for them to attend.