We used to live in a tiny apartment in the middle of the city and the neighbors would freak every time our newborn baby cried. They thought we were abusing her. It was pretty much our main impetus for moving.

Anonymous wrote:My husband is a very loud yeller when we have fights. He also says some really screwed up stuff in the heat of the argument. I have no doubt the neighbors have heard him a number of times. It makes me cringe.

+1. And it will come out of nowhere, meaning we are having a reasonable "option c" style of discussion and then BLAM OUT OF NOWHERE HE JUST WENT FROM ZERO TO 60 AND THERE WAS NOTHING I COULD DO TO STOP IT.

We don't raise our voices with each other when we disagree. I can count on one hand the times we have done this in 15 years of marriage. We prefer to sweep it under the rug, let it fester, and then vent to others.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I'm very good friends with my neighbors. And when we fight in the morning, it gets loud. Usually I either text them or they text me to see what's up and if all is good. Not that there would be issues other than if I just need to vent. I've walked in on their fights too. It happens. Embarrassing, but whatever.

WTF???

Christ I'm glad you've all found each other. Glad I'm not living near you- what a way to live- on either end of it! I've never heard yelling like this. One time when I was a little girl I overheard our older neighbours bickering and then the wife whispered "stop arguing with me, (my name) will know we don't love each other anymore"... and took that gem home to my parents.

Well, that is very odd that they said that they didn't love each other. We have never said that. But, we do argue occassionally, and if you are in the hall, you hear everything. Generally we are all very happy and are in happy relationships, but sometimes we argue. I would much rather do that than hold it in and be passive aggressive.

Or you could use option C: discuss things in a respectful speaking voice without yelling. Just another option.

Very true. However, I am a pretty loud person in general (an attribute my husband loves), so this would probably take enough therapy to bankrupt us. Moreover, we are generally pretty happy, so I think we will just keep on keeping on. In the meantime, though, I mentioned this thread to my neighbors last night, who laughed hysterically. We had a fun time reminiscing about all the stupid arguments we have all been in over the years.

DH and I only yell if it is a political or cultural argument. All other arguments I never yell. He gets emotional and will raise his voice. Wow. We sound like we need therapy.

We aren't huge fighters, but I 100% will not listen and will walk away unless DH uses a normal, reasoned tone. I did this since we started dating and now neither of us ever raise our voices. I just can't listen to someone yell at me, my mind will just shut down and I think most people are like that. I see yelling as disrespect.

I've never once heard my parents argue or yell at each other, so I think a lot of it depends on how you were raised.

No not with DH. We don't yell at each other and rarely have fights. But I wouldn't be surprised if they heard me "fighting" with my 3 under 10.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just try not to make it a frequent occurrence. Most couples yell at each other/the kids on occasion. Just wait until you have teenagers!

Most couples argue, but most do not yell at each other. We don't.

And you know this how?

Probably. I don't think it's a big deal. People argue. They even use "potty words" sometimes.

POTTY words???

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I'm very good friends with my neighbors. And when we fight in the morning, it gets loud. Usually I either text them or they text me to see what's up and if all is good. Not that there would be issues other than if I just need to vent. I've walked in on their fights too. It happens. Embarrassing, but whatever.

WTF???

Christ I'm glad you've all found each other. Glad I'm not living near you- what a way to live- on either end of it! I've never heard yelling like this. One time when I was a little girl I overheard our older neighbours bickering and then the wife whispered "stop arguing with me, (my name) will know we don't love each other anymore"... and took that gem home to my parents.

Well, that is very odd that they said that they didn't love each other. We have never said that. But, we do argue occassionally, and if you are in the hall, you hear everything. Generally we are all very happy and are in happy relationships, but sometimes we argue. I would much rather do that than hold it in and be passive aggressive.

Or you could use option C: discuss things in a respectful speaking voice without yelling. Just another option.

That is a good option, but at the same time, it is not at all unusual for people to find that their voices change when they are involved in an emotional conversation. Our voices tend to reflect our emotions, more so when we feel strongly about something. Anger, sadness, disappointment, even annoyance or irritation are all emotions that can show up in a change in our voices. I'd be surprised to meet a person who can keep an even speaking voice when in an emotional discussion. It is possible to show emotion and still be respectful, but difficult to talk about strongly felt emotions in an even or monotone voice. Allowing depth of feeling to show does not equate with lack of respect.

My neighbors have definitely heard us yelling. I am married to a hot blooded Mediterranean woman. It's all good though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. I'm very good friends with my neighbors. And when we fight in the morning, it gets loud. Usually I either text them or they text me to see what's up and if all is good. Not that there would be issues other than if I just need to vent. I've walked in on their fights too. It happens. Embarrassing, but whatever.

WTF???

Christ I'm glad you've all found each other. Glad I'm not living near you- what a way to live- on either end of it! I've never heard yelling like this. One time when I was a little girl I overheard our older neighbours bickering and then the wife whispered "stop arguing with me, (my name) will know we don't love each other anymore"... and took that gem home to my parents.

Well, that is very odd that they said that they didn't love each other. We have never said that. But, we do argue occassionally, and if you are in the hall, you hear everything. Generally we are all very happy and are in happy relationships, but sometimes we argue. I would much rather do that than hold it in and be passive aggressive.

Or you could use option C: discuss things in a respectful speaking voice without yelling. Just another option.