Of course I would be alarmed. Can you talk to your sister?

I'm a single mom and I understand that leaving children with care takers is necessary. Does she have options other than boyfriend or is he convenient? I hope that your nephew is just going through a phase and there is nothing serious going on, but listen to your instincts. This is one of the reasons I don't even date much. I really don't know if I would ever be able to leave my child with someone else. I know that a lot of people do, and it's perfectly fine. It's my issue mainly, but I'm just being overly protective.

Anonymous wrote:The bf has been around for awhile. At least a year, and this behaviour is new. Bf has also pulled some spectacular stunts in the past, getting stoned, coming home drunk, etc. I'm wondering if kid is being asked to keep secrets or else is being left alone as bf goes out, etc.

Abusers don't start right away -- they groom the victim, and make sure the mom is dependent on them (i.e. for child care!)

Sounds like a loser, too.

And do you know how abusers manipulate their victims?

they do things to young kids, that on some level the kids may actually enjoy. THAT is how they manipulate them. The young boys are so embarrassed that they are having a response, and the abuser tells them that it means that they really want this, and that their moms will hate them if learn about it.

So even if mom takes son aside and tries to have a chat with him, he won't be willing to risk talking about it. He will say everything is OK.

She can't risk it. This is too likely to be a bad situation. She needs to honor his feelings and his response, even if there's a chance that the boy is just pitching a fit for some other reason.

Parents of 10 year old children need to put their children first in this situation. When he is older, she can have a boyfriend again. Right now kids come first.

The bf has been around for awhile. At least a year, and this behaviour is new. Bf has also pulled some spectacular stunts in the past, getting stoned, coming home drunk, etc. I'm wondering if kid is being asked to keep secrets or else is being left alone as bf goes out, etc.

Anonymous wrote:Of course an instinct is to jump to conclusions (especially since you mention the BF's tainted background) but a lot has to do with the child and you know him.

Is this a new relationship? What is his relationship with his father? Could he be acting out in attempt to push the BF out of the family dynamic? I can think of 10 year olds I know who would pitch a fit to manipulate situations.

I don't think that matters. Even if the kid is pitching a fit to not be left with the Boyfriend, I think mom should honor that. Mom's Boyfriend should NOT be the daycare provider for her 10 year old. It's just not a good idea.

Of course an instinct is to jump to conclusions (especially since you mention the BF's tainted background) but a lot has to do with the child and you know him.

Is this a new relationship? What is his relationship with his father? Could he be acting out in attempt to push the BF out of the family dynamic? I can think of 10 year olds I know who would pitch a fit to manipulate situations.

You can also offer to pay for some nanny cams for her to place around the house when she leaves. Some parents refuse to pay attention unless they see it with their own eyes.

Tell your sister that this is absolutely not normal, and even if there isn't anything nefarious going on, she can not, must not EVER leave her son alone with her boyfriend, ever again. Because it is causing her son emotional distress, enough to cry. They boy doesn't have to explain himself, doesn't have to have a reason.

She MUST find someone else to watch him when she is at work. The boyfriend can NOT be the person who watches him.

Make plans to go and visit for a weekend and say you want to take him out for the day. Arrange to take him someplace fun (is there an amusement park near them that you can spend the day at?) If you can't find something like that (or the price is out of your budget) then find a mall with a movie theater, take him to a matinee of a movie he wants to see and then dinner. Make nice with him and enjoy the day and when he's comfortable, maybe at dinner, ask him if there is something about the boyfriend that makes him uncomfortable. Make sure that he understands that you want what's best for him and that want to know if there is a reason why his mom going to work makes him cry.

See if he will open up and tell you what's bothering him. He needs to have some confidante who will listen to his concerns and try to address them, if possible.

His mother told me he has called her crying the last two nights she's worked, and he had an epic meltdown in front of his great grandmother when his mom left to drive great grandmother home.

That's how I know. My mom was concerned enough to mention it to me. I said something to my niece as well, but I don't know that she takes it as seriously as I do.

She's supposed to talk to him today and depending on what she does, I'll decide about calling cps

How do you know he is crying? Does he call you? If so, document and play it for her.

I might call CPS for suspected abuse in a worse-case senario

A 10 year old crying like this?? I have a son around that age and I can't even imagine him reacting like this to staying with someone unless there was something horrible happening. All kids are different, but really, someone needs to get some answers.

I wouldn't let one more night go by before I figured out someone to call or something to do. This child cannot spent one more minute alone with this guy, and you, as the only one who seems to realize he needs someone to help him, are the one who needs to act. He's your nephew, and I don't think this is a case of minding your own business. Call someone in a position to investigate this if his mom isn't doing anything.

Can you contact his school and speak to a counselor there? They may be able to talk to him.

Is your sister concerned about this behavior? Does she I tend to find an alternate arrangement?? Ugh, so sad.

Anonymous wrote:Alarming. I would suspect abuse. What are u going to do about this?

Not sure what I can do, if his mama won't listen to me.