Sounds like an invite I got today...only the invite was short 70 ¢ postage. Gee, thanks.

Anonymous wrote:Remember that it is perfectly correct for a man to wear a dark suit to a black tie event

Is that true?

If you are going to do fancy pants black tie you should do traditional paper notifications. Email is crass, even for a Chuck-E-Cheese party.

What do you want to bet it's a cash bar?

Men past 25 and women of the same age should always own at least one tux and one full length gown for such occasions. How hard is that?

Anonymous wrote:op again - going to stop giving details after this since i'm probably not the only person on dcum who knows this couple...but the invitation specified "cocktail reception" after the ceremony, which starts at night.

so possibly - hopefully? - there will be snacks, but i don't think there's a meal. (and, yeah, wedding meals are usually terrible anyway - agree that heavy apps are usually better. i'm just feeling grumpy!)

i'm sure many people own tuxes/appropriate dresses and are psyched for the opportunity to wear them. those people probably probably didn't need the reminder. those who don't were probably hoping that they could just wear a nice suit or dress and toast the happy couple, and now are in the position of feeling like they're somehow violating the wedding's stupid rules/going to be inappropriate and should go spend lots of $ on something they didn't previously feel was needed in their lives.

harumph!

Whelp, if it's cocktails only, then I personally would wear cocktail attire -- cocktail dress and suit for DH.

Remember that it is perfectly correct for a man to wear a dark suit to a black tie event, and if it's just cocktails, women can get away with a fussy dress.

Anonymous wrote:In general I just don't get it when couples start stipulating a lot of requirements for their wedding. This includes:

- destination weddings to exotic and expensive places
- special dress codes like black tie
- setting up gift registeries to fund your honeymoons, your house downpayment, etc.
- asking that guests make donations to your favorite charity

What ever happened to just a regular wedding? It's like every wedding now needs to be a "special expression of our uniqueness." Gag. Just get married, drink some champagne and dance a little. Then go on a trip and have a nice life. Done!

you don't have to go.

Anonymous wrote:In general I just don't get it when couples start stipulating a lot of requirements for their wedding. This includes:

- destination weddings to exotic and expensive places
- special dress codes like black tie
- setting up gift registeries to fund your honeymoons, your house downpayment, etc.
- asking that guests make donations to your favorite charity

What ever happened to just a regular wedding? It's like every wedding now needs to be a "special expression of our uniqueness." Gag. Just get married, drink some champagne and dance a little. Then go on a trip and have a nice life. Done!

I think the honeymoon registry and charity donations are fine. Many people are getting married later in life. They are trying to merge two households. They are trying to downsize to one toaster and don't need a new one.

I'd be ok with a wedding that started late (like 8pm) and had cocktails, snacks, and dessert only. Those are the fun parts anyway! But it does seem incongruous to do black tie and no sit down dinner.

It does seem weird not to have a plated dinner at the reception if they're specifying black tie, but as long as there are good hors d'oeuvres and plenty of them (ie not just a cheese plate and veggies/dip) you should be ok. Definitely let us know what food they ended up serving!

but the invitation specified "cocktail reception" after the ceremony, which starts at night.

This sounds like heavy hors to me. And I agree with PP, a buffet of hors ALWAYS tastes better than a sit-down dinner. And you're not stuck with the same people for two hours. Sounds like fun to me, but report back!

half the folks at black tie events I go to are in what I'd consider cocktail attire: short, but fancy dresses for women, and suits/tie for men.

If they're breaking with etiquette (cocktail reception for black tie) you can too. I personally think a cocktail reception is more fun than a sit down dinner, but they do need to provide enough food that folks aren't' getting trashed on an empty stomach.

I was organizing another event at at a hotel recently, and had to walk past the room where a young couple was having their reception. They were posting childhood photos of the couple on every surface, and had erected a bulletin board where, apparently, guests were also required to bring and post photos of the bride and groom.

Nice idea, in theory, but I seriously don't need homework before a wedding. Oh, and they played the most atrocious music at the absolute loudest volume. I watched everyone over 40 race for the parking lot right after dinner.

op again - going to stop giving details after this since i'm probably not the only person on dcum who knows this couple...but the invitation specified "cocktail reception" after the ceremony, which starts at night.

so possibly - hopefully? - there will be snacks, but i don't think there's a meal. (and, yeah, wedding meals are usually terrible anyway - agree that heavy apps are usually better. i'm just feeling grumpy!)

i'm sure many people own tuxes/appropriate dresses and are psyched for the opportunity to wear them. those people probably probably didn't need the reminder. those who don't were probably hoping that they could just wear a nice suit or dress and toast the happy couple, and now are in the position of feeling like they're somehow violating the wedding's stupid rules/going to be inappropriate and should go spend lots of $ on something they didn't previously feel was needed in their lives.

harumph!