Your husband sounds like he is out-of-control and is becoming abusive.

If he hits or shoves you or acts violently like punching a wall or breaking a table, call the police. This must be documented. It sends the message that you are not going to put up with his behavior. The documentation should help when it comes time for a custody agreement. Make a plan to leave. The abuse is going to escalate.

OP here. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your comments, you wonderful strong women.
I am going to leave but worried he will come to find me and kids (I have family nearby). I can't imagine going to a shelter.
Could someone tell me what a protective order entails. Does he get escorted away by police? (I wouldn't want my kids to see that either), do you have to file immediately after the incident?
Thank you all so much.

OP, are you in VA, MD, or DC? Maybe we can help you with specifics. In the meantime, can you call this number to talk through some options? You need to develop a safe exit plan, including informing others, getting copies to important documents, medication, keys, access to funds and of course a protective order. You will need to make sure that all places your children go (school, daycare, etc) are informed and will act upon a protective order/custody order.

National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-SAFE (24 hour / toll-free)

Doesn't matter. Hitting is never okay.

Hey, in many situations I say Hell Yes ' Give him complete blow jobs and swallow that cum where he knows you love him '

BUT NOT IN THIS SITUATION

I think he's crossed the point of " No Return ". Therapy will help both of you ........... but for your marriage it's too late. He won't change for you. He might change for someone new after LOTS of help and self control. People like that rarely change within the relationship

I'm sorry OP. You're having to give up on all your dreams. Try to be positivie and you'll find new dreams in time. You're gotten some tremendous practical advice from PP.

Please keep us posted. Many here would like to know that things are getting better for you.

Anonymous wrote:Accept the fact that life on Earth, in the end is not satisfying. No matter what you do there will be huge issues, pain and fatigue. For people temporarily escaping... It will come. My belief is that God makes it that way so that we get glimpses of heaven but not heaven on earth. I pray for perspective and only really care about not being a problem for my children. Anything after that is on the table and decisions are usually based on what brings the least abuse/fatigue factor.

Worst. Advice. Ever.

Accept the fact that life on Earth, in the end is not satisfying. No matter what you do there will be huge issues, pain and fatigue. For people temporarily escaping... It will come. My belief is that God makes it that way so that we get glimpses of heaven but not heaven on earth. I pray for perspective and only really care about not being a problem for my children. Anything after that is on the table and decisions are usually based on what brings the least abuse/fatigue factor.

He is totally screwing up your kids. I can't believe he would say that to a 4 yr old. If you won't leave for yourself then you need to leave for your kids.

I should have added that the police and advocates are helpful with information and protective orders. If the police escort him to the house to get his things, they should be able to notify you before they arrive. Just take the kids out for a bit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Each of you take a piece of paper and write down what you like and don't like about the other. Fold the papers so you can't see the "don't likes." Then compare the "likes."

I hope that was a joke.

OP here. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your comments, you wonderful strong women.
I am going to leave but worried he will come to find me and kids (I have family nearby). I can't imagine going to a shelter.
Could someone tell me what a protective order entails. Does he get escorted away by police? (I wouldn't want my kids to see that either), do you have to file immediately after the incident?
Thank you all so much.

Protective orders can be filed in domestic and family relations court. At least in Fairfax county, the judge hears your side only that same day and decides whether or not to issue a temporary/emergency order. If it's issued, the judge sets the rules and the police notify your husband. Once he is notified, the order is in effect and he will be arrested if he defies the rules. The judge sets a hearing date. Both of you explain your side to a judge at the hearing and he/she decides if they should extend it. I think the maximum is 2 years. They can reissue after that if there is a need. It is a civil court order, not a criminal case.

Each of you take a piece of paper and write down what you like and don't like about the other. Fold the papers so you can't see the "don't likes." Then compare the "likes."

um, this couple is far past that.

OP, I concur. Your first sentence paints a picture of unbearable fear, tension and despair for everyone. Please get to therapy, get some help and start exiting now.

Is your H going to flip about separation? custody? you need support and to be prepared.

I'm so sorry. But I agree--for your children's sake, please remove them from this toxic environment. Its incredibly damaging.

Anonymous wrote:Each of you take a piece of paper and write down what you like and don't like about the other. Fold the papers so you can't see the "don't likes." Then compare the "likes."

I hope that was a joke.

OP here. I can't tell you how much I appreciate your comments, you wonderful strong women.
I am going to leave but worried he will come to find me and kids (I have family nearby). I can't imagine going to a shelter.
Could someone tell me what a protective order entails. Does he get escorted away by police? (I wouldn't want my kids to see that either), do you have to file immediately after the incident?
Thank you all so much.

You need to get out now. His abuse is escalating. It is a toxic and UNSAFE environment for you and your child. Call a friend, your family member, a shelter, etc and get out with your child. Be sure to file a protective order. Do not discuss your plan with your husband or members of his family. I wish you luck.

Get the fuck out. You are hurting your kids.

Each of you take a piece of paper and write down what you like and don't like about the other. Fold the papers so you can't see the "don't likes." Then compare the "likes."