Anonymous wrote:How is she with giving BJs? DW here. Since I gained 30 extra pounds I no longer feel sexy. There is nothing my husband could say or do to make me feel otherwise. So, because I still want to be close to him I improvise. Talk to her. You can have your period and still give BJs and they don't take as long as sex (for most guys).

What a totally clueless or intentionally insensitive and unhelpful post! Oh honey you've been denying me swear every opportunity but how about taking the time for a nice bj while I sit back! Yeah right.

Are you making it worthwhile for her when it does happen?

DH here in a sexless marriage. Perhaps my experiences are framing my take, but I think your wife is intentionally narrowing the window. And when you acquiesce you are reinforcing her training of you. You are being trained to not want nor ask for sex. As long as you don't make it too difficult for her it will keep getting more restrictive until one day there won't need to be a list of times that you are alllowed to make a move - it will be simply understood that there is no sex. I understand the challenge because of young oness. I too have young children and sexless marriage is killing our family dynamic. Can't wait to divorce. If you can, you need to be very firm and call bullshit. You need to take control of the situation because you are on the path to no sex. I no because that is how mine started. Work hard to be firm and call bullshit or quietly accept a sexless marriage. Best of luck.

PP here - I meant to say "most diligent among our social circle."

Anonymous wrote:Your kids stay up way too late for 8 and 9 year olds. Putting them to bed earlier might help all of you.

Seriously? We've historically been among the most diligent about bedtimes for our kids over the years. At 8 & 9, we start bed time at 8 - they're in jammies, teeth brushed and a little reading by the parents is usually finished by about 8:30-8:45. Then they read on their own for a little while. They get up about 7 for 9 or 9.5 hours of sleep.

In terms of how it applies to the sex rules, my wife has to have a high level of confidence they won't interrupt. For me, I'd say lock the door and let 'em knock until we're done.

Anonymous wrote:How is she with giving BJs? DW here. Since I gained 30 extra pounds I no longer feel sexy. There is nothing my husband could say or do to make me feel otherwise. So, because I still want to be close to him I improvise. Talk to her. You can have your period and still give BJs and they don't take as long as sex (for most guys).

Her jaw gets tired.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait till she falls asleep

That's called rape.

I empathize with OP, and sex is an important part of any relationship, but I'm appalled that you'd suggest rape--even sarcastically.

How can you rape your wife? If she won't put out, take it! She might surprise you by telling you she's wanted to be taken, a little roughly, made to feel so desireable you couldn't help yourself. I agree with the caveman - time to man up!

A valiant attempt at trolling, but incompetently executed. 1/10.

How is she with giving BJs? DW here. Since I gained 30 extra pounds I no longer feel sexy. There is nothing my husband could say or do to make me feel otherwise. So, because I still want to be close to him I improvise. Talk to her. You can have your period and still give BJs and they don't take as long as sex (for most guys).

Anonymous wrote:Your kids stay up way too late for 8 and 9 year olds. Putting them to bed earlier might help all of you.

+1.

Your kids stay up way too late for 8 and 9 year olds. Putting them to bed earlier might help all of you.

tell her to initiate twice a week (and you be flexible) or you will be very unhappy/unfufilled and not sure where that would lead..

There's a great AM radio host named Dennis Prager--he is local but the station here doesn't play all three hours so I'd do this through the iHeart Radio app and select "The Answer" in Los Angeles. (or you can find the local station)

He is a conservative commentator (but not like other conservative commentators, I assure you.) BUT that is an aside; here is what is relevant:

One hour a week he devotes to a non-political topic, called "The Male/Female Hour." I think it's Tuesdays. In this hour, he really gets into the differences between men and women and it's good for women to hear this stuff.

As another aside, he has two other hours, my favorite, on Fridays is "The Happiness Hour"--amazing. You wouldn't think there was so much to discuss. There's another called "The Ultimate Issues Hour" which devotes the hour to the big philosophical questions in life.

These three hours are not political.

Ok I commented up above; just want to reiterate that you keep trying to fix the problem by coming up with options and she shuts your option down. Stop playing this game OP because you'll never win. Tell her to come up with an acceptable day and time and make it happen. Make it her problem to come up with the option. If she can't come up with an option, that's your starting point in the discussion of "is this marriage going sexless, then…?"

Anonymous wrote:Schedule sex every Monday and Thursday. Done.

Twice in one week?! And, and, what if she's having her period?! Even if there are guests? What if she feels bloated? What if one of the kids can't sleep? And the pressure of scheduled sex will be such a turn off. What if she falls asleep on the couch first - won't she have trouble getting back to sleep if we have sex. And, and, and...

It's as if you don't give a shit about THE RULES.

Schedule sex every Monday and Thursday. Done.

You're going to need to sit her down and discuss this. Scheduled sex may be unsexy, but it's better than the alternative.