I'm so terribly sorry you are going through this, OP. I wanted to chime in to add that you should make sure you have good health insurance for when things do take a turn for the worst and that you have a good life insurance policy on him too so you're not left in the lurch. Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I echo the chorus of people suggesting Al-Anon. It would probably benefit you greatly. Also, I would suggest calling his physician and scheduling a time to come in for a meeting with him/her by yourself. Tell them everything you know about his drinking habits and ask them to note his file. The next time he's due for a physical with blood work, it is imperative they run tests to check his kidney and liver functions. There's an excellent chance something will be amiss and hearing that news from a doctor just might be the wakeup call your husband needs to get into treatment. Good luck to you both.

Isn't this a medical privacy issue? Would a doctor agree to such a meeting?

It's not a medical privacy issue for a physician to take information about a patient from someone else, they just can't share information about that patient with the other person. Doctor might not do a meeting, but perhaps a phone call to hear the concerns. OP can't dictate testing/treatment, that's between the physician and the patient, but a more informed doctor is a better doctor.

Anonymous wrote:I echo the chorus of people suggesting Al-Anon. It would probably benefit you greatly. Also, I would suggest calling his physician and scheduling a time to come in for a meeting with him/her by yourself. Tell them everything you know about his drinking habits and ask them to note his file. The next time he's due for a physical with blood work, it is imperative they run tests to check his kidney and liver functions. There's an excellent chance something will be amiss and hearing that news from a doctor just might be the wakeup call your husband needs to get into treatment. Good luck to you both.

Isn't this a medical privacy issue? Would a doctor agree to such a meeting?

My dad ended up pickling his brain, quite literally, from a lifetime of alcoholism. Yes, he was a functional alcoholic with long periods of sobriety but things aren't going well for him. Let me list the ways;

- He lives in a nursing home
- alcohol has damaged his speech center; he is mute, although this was a slow progression. For ten years, he spoke with a halt and stutter, then couldn't remember words, then was limited to only the words yes and no, then got those mixed up, then a series of sputters and now, silence

- he's lost control of his bladder, wears diapers

- can't walk anymore, confined to a wheelchair

- profound memory loss

Your DH needs help. You do, too.

I echo the chorus of people suggesting Al-Anon. It would probably benefit you greatly. Also, I would suggest calling his physician and scheduling a time to come in for a meeting with him/her by yourself. Tell them everything you know about his drinking habits and ask them to note his file. The next time he's due for a physical with blood work, it is imperative they run tests to check his kidney and liver functions. There's an excellent chance something will be amiss and hearing that news from a doctor just might be the wakeup call your husband needs to get into treatment. Good luck to you both.

OP, it can end in death. A friend of mine recently died at 45 from long-term alcohol abuse. The official cause of death was kidney failure.

This won't necessarily happen to your husband, but it is a possibility. He'd be better off if he could cut back.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the Al-Anon suggestion ... It never occurred to me that I would benefit ... Always thought it was for the actual alcoholic alone. Yes, we have had quite a few confrontations through the years ... he does not believe he is an alcoholic (of course) and the disagreement over this interpretation of his behavior was indeed harming the family. So I just accepted that he was the only one who could decide to change his behavior. He is an educated person who ironically is very health conscious ... he absolutely knows what he is doing to himself at least on some level. I doubt he will be able to change. I will just hope for the best for him ... Not much else I can do. Thanks for the input.

Al-Anon is different from AA. AA is for the alcoholic, Al-Anon is for the family and loved ones of alcoholics.

Thank you ... I had no idea. Will look them up immediately.

OP, you might try a couple of different meetings before deciding whether Al-Anon is for you. While the structure of the meetings are basically the same, different meetings can draw different kinds of folks and that may make a difference as to whether you feel comfortable there. Good luck!

It is rough. You need support, as your DH is definitely an alcoholic. Sorry, OP, that you are going thru this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the Al-Anon suggestion ... It never occurred to me that I would benefit ... Always thought it was for the actual alcoholic alone. Yes, we have had quite a few confrontations through the years ... he does not believe he is an alcoholic (of course) and the disagreement over this interpretation of his behavior was indeed harming the family. So I just accepted that he was the only one who could decide to change his behavior. He is an educated person who ironically is very health conscious ... he absolutely knows what he is doing to himself at least on some level. I doubt he will be able to change. I will just hope for the best for him ... Not much else I can do. Thanks for the input.

Al-Anon is different from AA. AA is for the alcoholic, Al-Anon is for the family and loved ones of alcoholics.

Thank you ... I had no idea. Will look them up immediately.

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the Al-Anon suggestion ... It never occurred to me that I would benefit ... Always thought it was for the actual alcoholic alone. Yes, we have had quite a few confrontations through the years ... he does not believe he is an alcoholic (of course) and the disagreement over this interpretation of his behavior was indeed harming the family. So I just accepted that he was the only one who could decide to change his behavior. He is an educated person who ironically is very health conscious ... he absolutely knows what he is doing to himself at least on some level. I doubt he will be able to change. I will just hope for the best for him ... Not much else I can do. Thanks for the input.

Al-Anon is different from AA. AA is for the alcoholic, Al-Anon is for the family and loved ones of alcoholics.

hopefully it wasn't to painful*

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I know it doesn't end well ... I just was wondering if the end would be a long slow painful torture or more of a short, quick and more merciful thing. Not that either option is good, mind you.

My father died at 57 from cirrhosis of the liver. I would say he was pretty uncomfortable for about 2 years before his death, although he never quit drinking so that made things worse. His first noticeable symptom was water retention which slowly got worse and worse over the two years. By the end he was skin and bones, but his stomach was huge. He had a lot of confusion which was very painful to watch. I guess his actual death was quick though. His cause of death was bleeding from esophageal varices. He was found dead on the floor and blood was everywhere. I imagine he was scared when he started vomiting blood, but he would have just passed out from the rapid blood loss so hopefully not it wasn't too painful. If you have kids try to tell him how horrible it would be for them.

Thanks for the Al-Anon suggestion ... It never occurred to me that I would benefit ... Always thought it was for the actual alcoholic alone. Yes, we have had quite a few confrontations through the years ... he does not believe he is an alcoholic (of course) and the disagreement over this interpretation of his behavior was indeed harming the family. So I just accepted that he was the only one who could decide to change his behavior. He is an educated person who ironically is very health conscious ... he absolutely knows what he is doing to himself at least on some level. I doubt he will be able to change. I will just hope for the best for him ... Not much else I can do. Thanks for the input.

Anonymous wrote:My FIL drinks more than him, and he was going strong into his 80s.
I would not assume that he will necessarily have any negative health consequences from this level of drinking.

Yes, it all depends on genetics. I knew someone who died of cirrhosis in his 30's, and some who have gone on as above PP describes. But the odds are against it. Al Anon is a great suggestion.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I know it doesn't end well ... I just was wondering if the end would be a long slow painful torture or more of a short, quick and more merciful thing. Not that either option is good, mind you.

As PP mentioned, it really depends. For my FIL, the decline from functional to not was inside of a few years, but now it is just a slow holding pattern of misery and falls and denial. We've been in a pattern of one very serious "this is it" hospitalization about every 6 months. Sometimes it is internal -- pneumonia, organ shutdown, etc. -- other times it is related to blackout falls. So, in reality, a bad enough fall could kill him quickly, but it hasn't.