Anonymous
08/24/2014 09:31
Subject: Re:Toxic "friend" always judging
Those comments sound really hurtful to me. Why would you want someone to come over to your house and criticize everything you do? (... in the name of zen?)
Anonymous
08/24/2014 04:10
Subject: Toxic "friend" always judging
I had a "friend" just like that OP...EXACTLY like that in fact who used to judge everything about me, my children, my lifestyle, etc.
She acted like if I didn't believe in what she believed or lived the lifestyle she did that I wasn't doing right for my children, etc.
In my opinion, these types of people tend to be very close-minded in general along w/very selfish and I tend to not want to be around such toxic people.
So I ended the friendship.
I suggest you do the same. Because realistically, she will never change and will also never compromise either.
This so called friendship will have to always be on her terms and will always be one-sided and over time, you will grow to resent her more and more.
She acted like if I didn't believe in what she believed or lived the lifestyle she did that I wasn't doing right for my children, etc.
In my opinion, these types of people tend to be very close-minded in general along w/very selfish and I tend to not want to be around such toxic people.
So I ended the friendship.
I suggest you do the same. Because realistically, she will never change and will also never compromise either.
This so called friendship will have to always be on her terms and will always be one-sided and over time, you will grow to resent her more and more.
Anonymous
08/24/2014 00:51
Subject: Toxic "friend" always judging
Anonymous wrote:You have invited "toxic" into your home.
You are the problem - meaning why do you need this relationship if it's not pleasant.
Exactly. I have a friend who means well but micromanages me and everything in my house when she comes over to the point where she is digging around my kitchen drawers (not the cleanest) and asking me where is the ice cream scoop (we don't own one). Either you have to tell her that she needs to tone down the judgmental micromanagement or you have to pull out of the relationship.
Anonymous
08/23/2014 22:45
Subject: Re:Toxic "friend" always judging
I do? Are you the Yogi?
Anonymous
08/23/2014 22:35
Subject: Re:Toxic "friend" always judging
Anonymous wrote:22:11 you sound like someone I cut out of my life. A "holistic yoga master" of sorts who was ALWAYS giving her opinions and judging yet she was doing terrible things herself.
Furthermore she is one of these people who ALWAYS has to be right and always has to slam others. She's just an angry woman and I feel sorry for her despite her quest for zen via her yoga and holistic healing. I also feel sorry for her husband who seems like a lovely chap.
She ALWAYS is complaining about others and especially service people - no one can ever get it right for her. She hates living in Washington. Every FB post is a rant about how some service person did her wrong, did a terrible job, how she hates living here.
I cannot imagine that all of that meditation and yoga doesn't help this person! She claims to be the calming force yet she is the toxic one.
It's sad to have to cut someone off but do it. You don't need someone like that in your life.
As for my former Yogi friend, I hope she finds her inner Zen and hopefully can get out of the area. Apparently the residents and service people of DC are KILLING her!!!
NAMASTE.
You sound awful.
Anonymous
08/23/2014 22:32
Subject: Re:Toxic "friend" always judging
Anonymous wrote:22:11 you sound like someone I cut out of my life. A "holistic yoga master" of sorts who was ALWAYS giving her opinions and judging yet she was doing terrible things herself.
Furthermore she is one of these people who ALWAYS has to be right and always has to slam others. She's just an angry woman and I feel sorry for her despite her quest for zen via her yoga and holistic healing. I also feel sorry for her husband who seems like a lovely chap.
She ALWAYS is complaining about others and especially service people - no one can ever get it right for her. She hates living in Washington. Every FB post is a rant about how some service person did her wrong, did a terrible job, how she hates living here.
I cannot imagine that all of that meditation and yoga doesn't help this person! She claims to be the calming force yet she is the toxic one.
It's sad to have to cut someone off but do it. You don't need someone like that in your life.
As for my former Yogi friend, I hope she finds her inner Zen and hopefully can get out of the area. Apparently the residents and service people of DC are KILLING her!!!
NAMASTE.
Yoga seems to be a hotbed for this sort of mentality!
Anonymous
08/23/2014 22:30
Subject: Toxic "friend" always judging
Anonymous wrote:OP, you're an adult. Can't you just deal with having someone in your life who makes comments that annoy you? I don't understand how that is "toxic" especially if you don't give a crap about the issues, which you seem to be saying. It takes all kinds of people to make the world go around, even ones who judge cookie eating. How does that threaten you?
No one likes to constantly be judged and lectured too. She's not a juvenile delinquent, she's a grown woman and should be treated with some respect.
OP, if you have to deal with her, I would just politely, but honestly, tell her that she seems to constantly be judging and criticizing and you and it hurts, and just adds to your stress level.
She'll probably respond with "sorry. I was just trying to help." At that point, try to resist the urge to say "don't help me."
Anonymous
08/23/2014 22:28
Subject: Toxic "friend" always judging
Anonymous wrote:OP, you're an adult. Can't you just deal with having someone in your life who makes comments that annoy you? I don't understand how that is "toxic" especially if you don't give a crap about the issues, which you seem to be saying. It takes all kinds of people to make the world go around, even ones who judge cookie eating. How does that threaten you?
I hear you, PP. If it were just an occasional comment, or a benign observation that we're different, it would be easy to overlook. What bothers me is feeling like I have to justify my decisions, regularly, just because she's so, um, "forward" about her opinions.
If it were just her, I would probably cut her loose. But, as I mentioned, she's part of a combo pack with someone I really like, and it would be incredibly difficult to keep one but ditch the other.
I'm grateful people suggested confronting her. I agree that there probably isn't an easier way to get the microaggressions to stop. I'm no fan of confrontation, but if it would help me save my friendship with "friend 2", I'll try it.
And no, this isn't really about vegetables. I didn't want to risk her recognizing the post, because that would be crummy for all involved.
Anonymous
08/23/2014 22:26
Subject: Re:Toxic "friend" always judging
22:11 you sound like someone I cut out of my life. A "holistic yoga master" of sorts who was ALWAYS giving her opinions and judging yet she was doing terrible things herself.
Furthermore she is one of these people who ALWAYS has to be right and always has to slam others. She's just an angry woman and I feel sorry for her despite her quest for zen via her yoga and holistic healing. I also feel sorry for her husband who seems like a lovely chap.
She ALWAYS is complaining about others and especially service people - no one can ever get it right for her. She hates living in Washington. Every FB post is a rant about how some service person did her wrong, did a terrible job, how she hates living here.
I cannot imagine that all of that meditation and yoga doesn't help this person! She claims to be the calming force yet she is the toxic one.
It's sad to have to cut someone off but do it. You don't need someone like that in your life.
As for my former Yogi friend, I hope she finds her inner Zen and hopefully can get out of the area. Apparently the residents and service people of DC are KILLING her!!!
NAMASTE.
Furthermore she is one of these people who ALWAYS has to be right and always has to slam others. She's just an angry woman and I feel sorry for her despite her quest for zen via her yoga and holistic healing. I also feel sorry for her husband who seems like a lovely chap.
She ALWAYS is complaining about others and especially service people - no one can ever get it right for her. She hates living in Washington. Every FB post is a rant about how some service person did her wrong, did a terrible job, how she hates living here.
I cannot imagine that all of that meditation and yoga doesn't help this person! She claims to be the calming force yet she is the toxic one.
It's sad to have to cut someone off but do it. You don't need someone like that in your life.
As for my former Yogi friend, I hope she finds her inner Zen and hopefully can get out of the area. Apparently the residents and service people of DC are KILLING her!!!
NAMASTE.
Anonymous
08/23/2014 22:20
Subject: Re:Toxic "friend" always judging
Anonymous wrote:I don't judge, don't judge me
Faaaaabulous!
Anonymous
08/23/2014 22:20
Subject: Re:Toxic "friend" always judging
Anonymous wrote:Just state the obvious. When she says a dig call her out. Say "why are you saying that?" She will probably respond with "what?" And then tell her how her comments sometimes come across as X.
If you don't want to cut her out of your life, then a tiny bit of confrontation is in order, OP, like PP suggested.
Anonymous
08/23/2014 22:18
Subject: Re:Toxic "friend" always judging
I don't judge, don't judge me
Anonymous
08/23/2014 22:11
Subject: Toxic "friend" always judging
OP, you're an adult. Can't you just deal with having someone in your life who makes comments that annoy you? I don't understand how that is "toxic" especially if you don't give a crap about the issues, which you seem to be saying. It takes all kinds of people to make the world go around, even ones who judge cookie eating. How does that threaten you?
Anonymous
08/23/2014 22:09
Subject: Toxic "friend" always judging
Anonymous wrote:
Dump her. Send her an email that says "Rosa, I've put up with your judgmental comments for a long time but I will not and cannot allow your behavior and comments to extend to my children. I wish you all the best but you are no longer welcome in my home."
right....
Anonymous
08/23/2014 21:31
Subject: Toxic "friend" always judging
You need to call her out on her judginess in the moment, comment by judgmental comment. Tell her repeatedly that you two just have very different perspectives, and you're just going to have to agree to respect each other's choices or else there will be too much friction (hint, hint!). If you have the kind of relationship where you can tell her she's becoming like a stereotype of a Born-Again Christian or someone on Weight Watchers or someone who has recently quit smoking -- too proselytizing and fixated and self-righteous. (No offense to anyone! I am in one of these categories myself.) If she can't knock it off, you're going to have to scale way back on how much time you spend with her.
As for comments involving your kids, you can just say that it's pretty much a universal norm that people without kids don't make judgmental comments about their friends with kids and how they parent.
She sounds pretty damned tedious, OP! Maybe she needs a hot-fudge sundae and a binge marathon of Netflix.
As for comments involving your kids, you can just say that it's pretty much a universal norm that people without kids don't make judgmental comments about their friends with kids and how they parent.
She sounds pretty damned tedious, OP! Maybe she needs a hot-fudge sundae and a binge marathon of Netflix.