It's nice to have a choice you're secure in, when there are many that you/I/we all probably second guess.

I had a similar thing happen to me, except he told me all the stuff about himself (and was honest) - I hadn't looked him up since we split.

Ex boyfriend contacted me out of the blue probably 3 years after we split. We hadn't had any contact, at all, since the breakup. Told me he was getting divorced (near as I can tell he must have married the next woman he dated after me), was in therapy, was exploring relationship patterns as part of that. Therapist (allegedly) told him he had unresolved issues with me, so he sent me an email apologizing for the things he did wrong in the relationship, etc. That was all fine and good, I told him I was sorry to hear of his marriage ending, gave him props for at least trying to work on things in therapy, and basically wished him luck.

That opened Pandora's Box. He then wanted to know whether I was married/seeing anyone/whether I still thought of him, etc. I didn't reply. He sent about three more emails after that, increasingly direct - why wouldn't I answer questions about my current relationship status, was I just scared of the feelings I still had for him, etc. etc. I never answered any of them, and eventually he stopped trying. While the therapist may indeed have told him he had unresolved issues with me, I doubt any good one would have condoned him basically harassing me after I replied wishing him well but expressing zero interest in any further relationship.

Anonymous wrote:

I honestly wouldn't waste the time digging through public records on some old boyfriend. I guess I wonder how I would feel if my husband spent several hours (?) looking through all the public records he could on an old girlfriend when she wrote him. I'd be a little pissed, frankly. Your happiness with your husband doesn't have to come at the expense of another boyfriend's misery.


Everything she learned can be found in a matter of minutes. Literally. Please don't assume she spent a buttload of time searching out this information!

Why waste the time?

For somebody so concerned about wasting time PP, you seem to be doing plenty of it yourself.

I honestly wouldn't waste the time digging through public records on some old boyfriend. I guess I wonder how I would feel if my husband spent several hours (?) looking through all the public records he could on an old girlfriend when she wrote him. I'd be a little pissed, frankly. Your happiness with your husband doesn't have to come at the expense of another boyfriend's misery.


Everything she learned can be found in a matter of minutes. Literally. Please don't assume she spent a buttload of time searching out this information!

Why waste the time?

Ex GFs contacting me out of the blue is a pretty regular occurrence for me. It's happened three times in the last 10 years out of essentially five significant relationships I had before then.

One of the two who didn't was the most stable of the bunch.

Anonymous wrote:While it is great that you picked the right guy, there are people (myself included) who really loved their ex boyfriends and wished things could have been different. For me, he was such a good guy and I loved him and would have done anything for him. He didn't choose me and I will always wonder why and what it.

Sorry PP, I don't mean this in an insensitive way but he didn't chose you, that should be enough for you to move on. Don't beat yourself over something you do not have control over but instead focus on things and relationships you can. I know, easier said than done.

I agree to a point.

This is true in some cases...and not so true in others.

It depends on different people.

But for the most part, I would be highly suspicious of any ex who contacted me out of the blue, saying he missed me, how I was his one "regret," how he was now a changed man and so successful, blah, blah, blah, etc.

That would be a red flag.

I wouldn't waste my time on considering going back to him whether I was married or single.

If he was my ex then I am sure there was a very good reason for it.

Anonymous wrote:Awesome post.

+1