Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No single answer to the question of why men and women pursue people who are in committed relationships.

Not to hijack your thread, but (on a related topic) I've been perplexed about why men who have just become engaged - seemingly very happily - have suddenly pursued me. It's offensive and upsetting, and I just don't get why. What happens to cause them to act as if they genuinely believe that someone as obviously conservative as I am would respond to them. I wasn't interested in them before they got engaged, and their engagements changed nothing about my feelings.

It has nothing to do with you so no need to feel offended and upset.

"...someone as obviously conservative as I am would respond to them.." I am not sure thats a factor. People are attracted to each other. Its mostly biological. Some people act on that attraction while others do not.

I don't think the issue is attraction. I was cheated on, but even before that I am just not OW type. I don't rationalize my own need over others, especially someone else's wife and kids first. That being said, now that I'm divorced, I found a few guys I work with attractive, there was some harmless flirtation over phone/email. When I met them, I found out they have a ring, I immediately ceased all contact. I keep it professional. No funny jokes, no nothing. I don't care to cross the line with them, even if other women don't mind. I know it start with rationalizing that you're harming no one, you're just friends, etc. And before you know it, some poor child has to split his time between two homes and a broken mom or dad who never saw the affair coming. No. Attraction is natural. Pursuing it in the very least selfish. S/He is in a committed relationship, I don't care if they're your soul mate, right now, they're with someone else who thinks they're their soul mates. If it's meant to be, you'll meet again later. And I agree with PPs, I'd never willingly consent to a relationship with a man I know cheated on his ex. If he cheats once, he'll probably cheat again, and if he cheats with you, he'll cheat on you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a single woman, I more often wonder why married men are attracted to me and why the feel the need to tell me. Why would I get involved with that? And if you're still married what do you think you have to offer me?

If you are attractive, you are going to be attractive to men whether they are single or married. Men don't go blind when they get married. As to why married men would tell you, it could be harmless flirtation or they could be looking to cheat. Total estimate, but maybe 20% of single women would sleep with married men, so if a man is looking to cheat it is really a numbers game.

But for the 80% of women who won't sleep with a married man, that kind of attention comes off as creepy.

Anonymous wrote:As a single woman, I more often wonder why married men are attracted to me and why the feel the need to tell me. Why would I get involved with that? And if you're still married what do you think you have to offer me?

If you are attractive, you are going to be attractive to men whether they are single or married. Men don't go blind when they get married. As to why married men would tell you, it could be harmless flirtation or they could be looking to cheat. Total estimate, but maybe 20% of single women would sleep with married men, so if a man is looking to cheat it is really a numbers game.

Anonymous wrote:

Smart single women are usually single for a reason. They have high standards,

Or few options. Or both.

As a single woman, I more often wonder why married men are attracted to me and why the feel the need to tell me. Why would I get involved with that? And if you're still married what do you think you have to offer me?

Anonymous wrote:Not all married men wear their wedding rings or talk about their wives or are honest about being married. Some married men act single.

Married women should be way more concerned about their DHs commiserating with and having sex and affairs with MARRIED women instead of single women.

Most affairs are between two married people, commiserating with each other and helping each other out of their miserable marriages.

Smart single women are usually single for a reason. They have high standards, and they would not put up with the bull most women put up with just to have a man in their lives. Why would those women have to settle or share a married man, and put up with his bratty kids and crazy ex wife? No thank you!

DH here, at the risk of being immodest, I am attractive and professionally successful. I actually disagree with this. Most of the women who hit on me are single. It is about 10-1 single versus married women who make themselves available.

I know there are obvious exceptions, but it generally seems true that women cheat on their husbands when they are unhappy but men cheat because they have a penis.

Not all married men wear their wedding rings or talk about their wives or are honest about being married. Some married men act single.

Married women should be way more concerned about their DHs commiserating with and having sex and affairs with MARRIED women instead of single women.

Most affairs are between two married people, commiserating with each other and helping each other out of their miserable marriages.

Smart single women are usually single for a reason. They have high standards, and they would not put up with the bull most women put up with just to have a man in their lives. Why would those women have to settle or share a married man, and put up with his bratty kids and crazy ex wife? No thank you!

Anonymous wrote:No single answer to the question of why men and women pursue people who are in committed relationships.

Not to hijack your thread, but (on a related topic) I've been perplexed about why men who have just become engaged - seemingly very happily - have suddenly pursued me. It's offensive and upsetting, and I just don't get why. What happens to cause them to act as if they genuinely believe that someone as obviously conservative as I am would respond to them. I wasn't interested in them before they got engaged, and their engagements changed nothing about my feelings.

Because it doesn't matter if a man is single, engaged or happily married - he still has a strong desire to sleep with women other than his partner. That never goes away as long as he has a sex drive. A lot of men are respectful and/or smart enough not to try to act on those urges but for the rest (probably half?) they are just sending out signals to see if you might be interested.

Anonymous wrote:For the same reason married women are attracted to married men (not own husband), single women are attracted to single men or married women are attracted to married men.
Hetrosexual women like men they are attracted to.

So if your question is really about attraction it just happen sometimes. We have seen a few posts recently from married women attracted to male colleagues (married and single).

Now if you are asking why a single woman would date a married man, I am sure they are several answers. I think married women want to assume it is low self esteem but personally I can see the allure of a relationship that isn't going anywhere. All of the fun none of the committment. That said it is completely selfish on the part of both the woman and the man knowing the relationship has a third person who is being completely disrespected.

I think there is also a group of women who like to be "fixers". You know what I mean...oh poor married John, he is so unhappy b/c his wife is mean and never sleeps with him. I can be a hero and fix that.

Some other reasons have been mentioned above. We can't assume everyone enters a relationship with the best intentions.

+1

Also, as people hit their late 30s and early 40s the quality men (attractive and successful) are pretty much all married. There are still quite a few single women in their 30s who have trouble finding good men, a few topics here have lamented this. I think the combination of feeling lonely and the fact the attractive men are mostly married is going to lead to this phenomenon. Not to excuse it, but when you combine a lonely woman with a man thinking with his penis, things are going to happen from time to time.

When we first began dating, my DH mentioned how he noticed that women were smiling and flirting with him all of a sudden. Do not know if he was suddenly aware of them or if he was happy and therefore other women picked up on that and were interested. I thought he was leading up to a breakup discussion. I remember feeling sick and trying to brace myself for the bad news. Then he started talking about being exclusive. It surprised me because we had only been dating a few weeks.

I guess it is a huge ego boost for men when any pretty woman pays attention to them.

Anonymous wrote:No single answer to the question of why men and women pursue people who are in committed relationships.

Not to hijack your thread, but (on a related topic) I've been perplexed about why men who have just become engaged - seemingly very happily - have suddenly pursued me. It's offensive and upsetting, and I just don't get why. What happens to cause them to act as if they genuinely believe that someone as obviously conservative as I am would respond to them. I wasn't interested in them before they got engaged, and their engagements changed nothing about my feelings.

It has nothing to do with you so no need to feel offended and upset.

I'm super attracted to a couple of married men at work (because they are incredibly attractive!) but I never said a word to them beyond "hello."

No single answer to the question of why men and women pursue people who are in committed relationships.

Not to hijack your thread, but (on a related topic) I've been perplexed about why men who have just become engaged - seemingly very happily - have suddenly pursued me. It's offensive and upsetting, and I just don't get why. What happens to cause them to act as if they genuinely believe that someone as obviously conservative as I am would respond to them. I wasn't interested in them before they got engaged, and their engagements changed nothing about my feelings.

I was attracted to a married man. He was very much the pursuer in the situation. It took several months of me trying to rationalize my moral issues to sleep with him. The problem is that he is the best lover I have ever had. There's strong chemistry and he has amazing skills. There's also a comfort level that is difficult to describe.

I have never wanted him to leave his wife. There's no challenge in it. The sex is like an addictive drug, so I go and get a fix a few times a year. We don't get too close, or ask too much from one another. It's kind of the perfect affair because we are both getting what we want without any drama or need for more.