Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You couldn't pay me enough to vacation with my husband's family.

+1

You couldn't pay my DH enough to vacation with HIS family, which is fine by me!

That, too.

We have done long weekend trips away with my family (getting ready to do one with DH's family) and it's been awesome. I feel like we leave before we're at each other's throats. Even DH claimed he had a great time! Maybe a shorter trip somewhere would be ideal. Less commitment, less risk of losing a whole week to a crappy family vacation. Then, if it goes well, maybe they'd be happy to do something else longer in the future.

But I get it. I keep mentioning it to my dad, someone with whom I have been working to establish a closer connection (I grew up 800 miles from him...his choice). He is my only surviving parent. He's just not into it. When they visit, it's only ever for a long weekend. Makes me sad, but what can I do? I want him to have a great relationship with his grandson (I ADORED my grandparents growing up and saw them often), but it just doesn't seem to be in the cards.

Anonymous wrote:NP here, right now I am taking a 4 week long vacation with my parents and kids in my home country, and reading the responses to this thread is so soothing to my frazzled nerves.

4 weeks, holy shit. could not do it.

It depends on the family, OP. My BFF has IL's that, 90% of the vacation time, or any time, sit around in a circle watching t.v. and/or reading. Which would be fine, but my friend is really an outgoing, sparkly, social, upbeat type. The IL's, not so much.

I think BFF would be far less annoyed if she had much vacation time, but she doesn't, so it sucks. Not much for her to look forward to Her MIL, for example, is the type to try to leave BFF out of photos, mostly out of jealousy. Mil complained about DIL, and MIL's friends chimed in about how pretty she is (she is, she is the prettiest of our friends, IMO) - so MIL got REALLY ticked off! Kind of funny, that MIL's nastiness backfired on her.

Some people do the family vacation for their spouses. Her spouse kind of acts like his family, but more personality, thankfully. I feel bad for my BFF, because she is going through enough (she doesn't talk about it, and isn't the type), so my wish for her is that she would have something to look forward to once in a while - other than a nasty MIL who thinks she is somehow doing them a favor.

If you have anything in common with your IL's, and your family is able to take time off at the same time, I would say: why not do the extended family vacation; perhaps at different, close by rental houses, so it might feel like more of a vacation than cramming everyone into a house?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the same boat, OP. My sister and her kids go to the same beach house every year. This year we rented house very near (a quick walk) so the cousins could play together during the day (they're all around the same age). We all had a wonderful time… I thought. We babysat so they could go out without the kids one night. The kids bounced out of bed excited to see their cousins every day.

Got back home, chatting to my sister about next year. She says they had a great time, but want to keep the beach house vacation just for family… their family.

I was cheerful about it, then hung up and cried.

hm. maybe that's part of the problem? Are you a very sensitive person?

Maybe? I'm usually pretty low-drama -- but this was important to me. We grew up with little to no relationship with extended family, and I really want things to be different for this generation. I don't think it can happen unless we both want it, though. Makes me pretty sad. We live far from each other, so I thought this would be a great opportunity. I'm not angry, but I was terribly disappointed.

Two houses is a great compromise, but if your sister and her family are used to a low-key vacation and don't want to think about socializing daily then I could understand that. Even though I love my family, spending every day together would drain me.

Vacationing together? Ever since he was widowed, my father refuses to spend any holidays with any of his children or grandchildren, so I imagine vacationing would be out of the question....

I wanted this too, and vacationed with my ILs last year.

Tips:

(1) don't let childless people pick the hotel. My FIL picked the cheapest hotel with no pool, tiny rooms, no cribs, no fridge to put baby food and bottles, and one that was very far away in an area where parking was impossible. It was impossible to entertain my toddler, who was forced to cosleep with us. I hated carrying a heavy toddler uphill many times a day too.

(2) Don't let them decide the plans. My inlaws chose the following plans for us. I was pregnant and had a 18 month old. (a) hot springs swimming (b) steep hiking where they had warnings about bringing kids (c) museum with lots of breakables where my son was screamed at to the point where we left in tears.

(3) Don;t let them pick the restaurants. Sushi, ice cream shop FOR DINNER, crazy vegan health store where they only had "raw milk and raw cheese" Hello Listeria!

That was the last vacation I took with them. I felt like an angry shrew the whole time, and we came back even more exhausted than when we left.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the same boat, OP. My sister and her kids go to the same beach house every year. This year we rented house very near (a quick walk) so the cousins could play together during the day (they're all around the same age). We all had a wonderful time… I thought. We babysat so they could go out without the kids one night. The kids bounced out of bed excited to see their cousins every day.

Got back home, chatting to my sister about next year. She says they had a great time, but want to keep the beach house vacation just for family… their family.

I was cheerful about it, then hung up and cried.

hm. maybe that's part of the problem? Are you a very sensitive person?

Maybe? I'm usually pretty low-drama -- but this was important to me. We grew up with little to no relationship with extended family, and I really want things to be different for this generation. I don't think it can happen unless we both want it, though. Makes me pretty sad. We live far from each other, so I thought this would be a great opportunity. I'm not angry, but I was terribly disappointed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the same boat, OP. My sister and her kids go to the same beach house every year. This year we rented house very near (a quick walk) so the cousins could play together during the day (they're all around the same age). We all had a wonderful time… I thought. We babysat so they could go out without the kids one night. The kids bounced out of bed excited to see their cousins every day.

Got back home, chatting to my sister about next year. She says they had a great time, but want to keep the beach house vacation just for family… their family.

I was cheerful about it, then hung up and cried.

hm. maybe that's part of the problem? Are you a very sensitive person?

That would have put me in tears too.

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the same boat, OP. My sister and her kids go to the same beach house every year. This year we rented house very near (a quick walk) so the cousins could play together during the day (they're all around the same age). We all had a wonderful time… I thought. We babysat so they could go out without the kids one night. The kids bounced out of bed excited to see their cousins every day.

Got back home, chatting to my sister about next year. She says they had a great time, but want to keep the beach house vacation just for family… their family.

I was cheerful about it, then hung up and cried.

hm. maybe that's part of the problem? Are you a very sensitive person?

I'm in the same boat, OP. My sister and her kids go to the same beach house every year. This year we rented house very near (a quick walk) so the cousins could play together during the day (they're all around the same age). We all had a wonderful time… I thought. We babysat so they could go out without the kids one night. The kids bounced out of bed excited to see their cousins every day.

Got back home, chatting to my sister about next year. She says they had a great time, but want to keep the beach house vacation just for family… their family.

I was cheerful about it, then hung up and cried.

I've had the same thoughts as original poster. Sometimes I feel jealous of "normal" families. We spend time with our respective families but with much stress involved.

I was thrilled this year when just the 4 of us were able to take a trip that didn't involve staying with extended family. Can't wait to do it again!

Vacation with families? Gosh, OP, enjoy, I personally hate family reunions of any kind but brace myself once a year. I want to vacation just with my DH and DS, I don't need anyone else and their drama.

Maybe your parents realize something you don't. Maybe they are against family vacations because they don't want to start awkward arguments. My advice is to let it go and don't feel so insulted about it.

Anonymous wrote:Currently at OBX with what's left of our families. It's pretty awesome. DH is an only child and his parents have passed away. My brother is here with his 2 kids-- he's in the middle of a divorce so no SIL. Our younger sister is here with her BFF from preschool. And our kids. It is amazingly relaxing. I suspect it helps that there is only 1 4 yr old and any many more adults/babysitting age children.

I'm sure that's very helpful to OP, thanks.