Anonymous wrote:OP here. I think an earlier poster nailed it (pardon the pun).

I miss the newness. I miss flirting and genuinely having someone be interested in me. I miss the first kiss etc. And feeling passion. For various reasons there is no passion in my house. :-/

Yep. NP here and in the same boat, except I had somewhere around 15-20 partners before marriage. I don't think it's the number that matters but how the current marriage is. Newness and passion is tough to maintain, though clearly some ppl manage it. I'm working on getting it back with DH but we have young kids and it's tough.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you are romanticizing what all this "fun" sex is really like.

You're married. Are you in love? Work on making the sex in your relationship the best it can be.

Find your "fun" elsewhere, get a hobby.

in other words -- grow up.

I am guessing you have a low sex drive or you must be a bad sex partner and had bad sex before marriage. I had lots of great sex with people pre-marriage and I miss the variety/novelty as do most people I know.

Well, you guessed wrong. Been married more than 10 years and I still have great sex with my DH several times a week. Had some great sex with BFs before marriage. But my life isn't empty and I am in love with my DH so I am satisfied. Doesn't mean I don't fantasize, everyone does, at least I hope. But there's a difference between some daydreaming and actually questioning your marriage because you didn't sleep around enough.

Maybe you married the wrong guy?

Anonymous wrote:I have come to the realization that I should have had more fun before marriage. My number of partners in total before marriage including DH is 5. Now I desperately wish I had more fun. Does anyone else feel like this?

I'm a DH and if my wife felt this way would open the marriage under the condition that 1) everything is discussed, no don't ask, don't tell, 2) no kissing the other guy and 3) if she started developing feelings, it ends or I leave.

Anonymous wrote:I think five partners is about average/normal.

If you are thinking that you didn't sow enough wild oats however, perhaps it is not due to the number of partners you had but is more about the state of your union.

OP, don't listen to this drivel about there being something wrong in your marriage. Seriously, most people, no matter how many partners they had fantasize about sex with people outside their marriage. I absolutely promise you that every single man wants to have sex with a woman other than his wife.

http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=3518


What your feeling is totally normal.

I think five partners is about average/normal.

If you are thinking that you didn't sow enough wild oats however, perhaps it is not due to the number of partners you had but is more about the state of your union.

I can imagine feeling like that if I hadn't been around the block several times before meeting DH. Looking back, I dated lots of different kinds of guys many of whom were nor relationship/marriage material and it was a lot of fun although occasionally very difficult. It's nice having all those memories to look back on even though we're happily married. I'm also glad that DH had lots of girlfriends and flings before me. We were both well and truly ready to settle down when we met and we both had enough relationship experience to know something special when we found it.

Anonymous wrote:I have come to the realization that I should have had more fun before marriage. My number of partners in total before marriage including DH is 5. Now I desperately wish I had more fun. Does anyone else feel like this?

No, and my total was 0 before DH.

OP here. I think an earlier poster nailed it (pardon the pun).

I miss the newness. I miss flirting and genuinely having someone be interested in me. I miss the first kiss etc. And feeling passion. For various reasons there is no passion in my house. :-/

Anonymous wrote:
Strange you should equate "fun" with "number of partners".

I only had DH. Got married at 23, and eleven years and two children later, don't regret anything.

Me too. Married a few yrs later than you and married 10yrs. No regrets.
But I have a very satisfying sex life.

OP whats the problem with your sex life with DH?

Anonymous wrote:If you are sexually fulfilled the number doesn't matter.

So are you sexually happy?

+1

Anonymous wrote:OP, for every person in your shoes, there's another wishing that she hadn't screwed around as much.

but not me! slept with over 30 and no regrets