Wow, so much for spending time getting to know each other sexually and just enjoying the process. Damn.

No wonder women don't want to date me after first time sex. I always do mild hair pulling and a couple of butt slaps assuming they all liked this. Next time I'll ask.

I wonder if you had sex with my ex. I really, REALLY liked him but the sex was just terrible. After we had dated a bit longer, I found out that I was literally his 3rd or 4th partner (he was 35) and none of his relationships had been long ones due to military deployments. I think he honestly just doesn't know how.

(he also didn't know how to use condoms, apparently, which is how we ended up as coparents.)

I was sad when we broke up - for other reasons - but the idea of living with bad sex forever made the breakup a little easier. It can be hard to teach a guy that age new tricks.

Meh. I'd probably give it another chance, but not have very high hopes. I'm big into chemistry. If sexual chemistry is not there, it is not there.

What guy might be a rock-star to ME in bed might be a total flop for YOU in bed…the difference is chemistry.

Maybe his precious marriage was with someone who was also bad in the sack, leaving him with bad habits.

What I don't understand is why you don't just communicate what you want instead of acting as though a guy who doesn't get you off can never learn, as long as he is not uptight about being corrected.

Now, if he has a bad attitude and refuses to change or be "coached up," then that's when you have to give up. But, he may just be an otherwise nice person who wants to please you but doesn't know how, but is willing to learn.

Anonymous wrote:I'm not OP and I don't expect rockstar performance, but if it's not even close to being satisfying the first time, that's a bright pink flag. I'm pretty vocal about what I like and am willing to do 50% of the work (more if I'm feeling extra generous) to make sure a good time is had by both of us.

I am OP and I kinda agree. I do not have crazy unreasonable expectations. He is not the first person I have had sex with for the first time and it truly has never been this underwhelming. Was very surprised. He was married and has dated so not new to sex I am sure.

I'm not OP and I don't expect rockstar performance, but if it's not even close to being satisfying the first time, that's a bright pink flag. I'm pretty vocal about what I like and am willing to do 50% of the work (more if I'm feeling extra generous) to make sure a good time is had by both of us.

Jesus. One time and you are ready to be done with him? You women are something else. Not only do we have to get over first time nerves and awkwardness in order to perform at all, we also have to be rock-star in the sack the very first time we've ever been intimate with you. Unreal. Give us a f'ing chance for crying out loud.

Clit

Anonymous wrote:You should have spoken up.

My DH was good but not great until I spoke to him and guided him to my clit.

How can a grown man not know where to find a clot?

PP is right, but forgot to add that every woman likes things a little different, but doesn't know that. Some women like you to press hard here and light there and never directly on top of there, others recoil if you touch here but want you to tap like a telegraph operator on biker speed RIGHT THERE.

Can't you just tell him what you want?

It seems silly to just reject someone for being bad in the sack. A lot of it has to do with experience. A lot of women seem to expect men to just instictively know everything, but it doesn't work that way.

OP, who did more work during sex? Was it 50/50? Or was the man doing all the thrusting? Did you ride him?

Anonymous wrote:I've found that the first time with someone new generally isn't great for me (female)...give it another go if he seems like a quality person. GL

+1

I usually give it to 2-3 times. Sometimes the first time is just awkward.

Next time, just tell him (in a nice way) what you want to be different. Men are not mind-readers.