OP, I know folks have offered advice here, already. I'll just tell you what we've done sometimes with occasionally sleep-resistant kids who don't act violently to bedtime (so, you know, different kids).

We read stories, then turn down (not off--get a dimmer switch if you don't have one) the light and snnnnnuuuuuugggle. I might whisper a story, but then I say, I'll stay for X minutes but we must be quiiiiiiiiet, no talking, only snuggling, okay?

And so I stay, and the kids usually fall asleep within 10-20 minutes. Sometimes we parents fall asleep too, and we parents have to come in for the rescue.

Because of scared-of-the-dark issues, we do leave the dimmer switch on, sometimes only halfway down, to be honest. Then when they're clearly asleep, I turn the dimmer switch further down, but never off. We've seen that if they wake up in the middle of the night to a completely dark room, they're likely to be scared and cry.

Also, we're a little lax with the older one (since around age late-4, maybe?), and let her snuggle up with books, the dimmer on veeeeery low, and a tiny LED lamp screwed to the side of her bedpost (don't want accidental strangulation from cord or fire with light touching sheets). She falls asleep eventually.

OP, why don't you just stay with him for a while?

nightlight?

Agreed, he sounds overtired. There are so many methods to getting kids back to sleeping on their own and since you are facing the repeat departures from bed and tantrums when you leave, I would opt for the gradual move out method. This is Pantley or Brazelton where you basically finish the bedtime routine and completely stay until he is asleep. If the most you've done to date is lay down beside him then for this first week, you lay down beside him. If the most you've done is sit beside him with your hand on his back then that's what you do. The next week you consistently do a little less. If you were laying down you then sit up for the week. If you were sitting with hand on his back, it's an intermittent hand on back. The goal is each week you make a shift from sitting beside to sitting a foot away in a comfy chair, the next week two feet. You make the transitions without him being alerted and there's no debate about it, you just moved the chair sometime earlier in the day.

There is also little to no talking, you don't want conversations to be part of the process.

Also, in the middle of the night, if he wakes you do whatever you were doing at bedtime for that week.

Yes, this takes a long time (several weeks) but it avoid the bed departures that check in methods get and far less crying that cry it out.

I actually did co-sleeping for quite a while and check-in method when we all felt ready with mine but they were much younger.

OP here. Here is the update. We have been doing a kazdin method chart for staying in bed and it has not worked. We have practiced the behavior during the day and he seems to go with it but at night he is out of control.

Yesterday he actually did fall asleep and I could not wake him. He slept for 2 hours and he dropped naps a year ago. I think the nap contributed to the late sleep time last night. My DH and I have this plan.

The number one priority is to address exhaustion so we are just going to stick DS in the car at 7pm to get him to sleep.
This may take a day or two. Then we will go back to the sticker chart and see how things so. I also think DS is scared. He is afraid of the dark and I think he is feeling pretty bad about himself because of him hitting us. Then we can gradually go back to just tucking him in and leaving. Which of course was how things were up until a month ago.

Thank you so much. You have all been helpful, supportive and non judgmental. So refreshing!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you bribed him? Like buy him a toy and bring it home and show it to him and say "if you stay in bed quietly you get this when you wake up".

Desperate times call for desperate measures. Do it for 4 days and by then he'll be well rested.

I would try this, only more of a sticker chart version since he's four. I'd say he can have something special after 5 days or a week of going to bed without a problem. That will help create the new habit.

I'm the one that posted about the bribe. For an overtired kid of any age, I would be surprised that a sticker would be motivating--an overtired kid is out of his mind. But see a legit toy in front of his face (not just the promise of one) and the motivation ramps up. It doesn't have to be expensive--think dollar store or five below. We have only used this method twice--once for each kid and it worked like a charm and they didn't ask for their morning prize after 3 nights, but their sleep was set back in motion on time and calmly. Forget the stickers--go for the big guns!!

He's SO overtired. Can you drive around in the middle of the day to give him a nap to catch up a bit?