Anonymous wrote:No more overnight visits if they are going to bad mouth you in front of your kids.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Critical of parenting = my FIL complaining my children are too energetic, that they eat better when they are with them (inlaws kept them for 2 nights), that I cannot discipline them well, that they have bad manners, Etc

Anonymous wrote:Is it both of them, OP, or just one of them? Just wondering if both grandparents are against you in a united front, or if one of them, the more vocal one, is doing the talking here.

Also (different point than above) if it's one, is that one getting older/feebler/mentally ok? Any health scares, pain issues, or friends dying going on with them?

Anonymous wrote:Words DH needs to use: "She is my wife, and I love her just the way he is, and I won't listen to you talk about her this way. And if the kids ever hear you criticizing their mom again, there will be consequences. You hurt my wife and owe her an apology."

You: "DH, I need you to realize I am not managing your parents for you anymore. Cards, photos of friends, presents, Mother's Day, calls, figuring out visits...that is your job, and I am not doing it for you anymore."

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Critical of parenting = my FIL complaining my children are too energetic, that they eat better when they are with them (inlaws kept them for 2 nights), that I cannot discipline them well, that they have bad manners, Etc

Critical of me = I don't talk to them and engage them enough that I am boring that I don't look them in the eye all the time, etc.

My children are very energetic, this is why I stopped after 2, didn't want to risk a 3rd like this, ILs constantly say the kids are exactly like DH was as a kid, just need to run run run run, talk talk talk talk. Energetic isn't necessarily naughty, they aren't being terrible. They just need to be outside a lot. And they are disciplined, systematically, routinely, etc. I am not a pushover with kids. I don't let my kids call the shots. They are expected to behave, face consequences, I follow through. But they do need a ton of physical activity because I can't understand why they have so much energy all the time.

I am very introverted, quiet, don't need to talk a lot. Ironically my parents can't understand where my kids came from because according to them I was super calm all the time.

I now think they may have always thought this way. I cried to DH about it. I guess I am too sensitive. He said he does defend me (so I said why are you defending me. What did I do?) but he also said he doesn't see his parents often and doestnt want a war breaking out over this.

Anonymous wrote:Odds are this has been going on all along and your kids are just old enough now to eavesdrop and report back. Definitely get your husband involved - both to figure out if something happened or if this was always the case. And, more importantly, to tell them that if they can't keep their big mouths shut in front of the kids they won't be seeing the kids. Totally appalling.

Keep in mind that even if they've always felt this way, it's a reflection on them, not you.