Anonymous
08/23/2014 17:37
Subject: Re:Mom is furious I didn't share MIL's diagnosis with her...
PP again: If you can not keep a 'secret' whatever it is, ask not to be told. There is NOTHING I will not tell my husband, but whenever someone asks me "I need to tell you this, but please don't tell anyone else." I ALWAYS reply "I share everything with my husband. You know him, he doesn't tell anyone else - but if you don't want HIM to know, don't tell ME."
People understand that.
People understand that.
Anonymous
08/23/2014 17:35
Subject: Re:Mom is furious I didn't share MIL's diagnosis with her...
I just want to send an ehug 
I can understand your Mother, especially with her history. But I can also understand that you chose to respect your MILs wishes and not tell anyone as you were asked to. Try not to hate your Mom for having wanted to know - you can understand she would have loved to help out and now feels weird about not knowing, right? It might not be an appropriate feeling but hey, we can understand she feels that way! So take a breath, relax, offer to talk about it in a calm manner once everybody is a bit more grounded 
And then make sure your Mom understands: "Now this is about MIL getting healthy and recover - let's focus on that shall we?"
I can understand your Mother, especially with her history. But I can also understand that you chose to respect your MILs wishes and not tell anyone as you were asked to. Try not to hate your Mom for having wanted to know - you can understand she would have loved to help out and now feels weird about not knowing, right? It might not be an appropriate feeling but hey, we can understand she feels that way! So take a breath, relax, offer to talk about it in a calm manner once everybody is a bit more grounded
And then make sure your Mom understands: "Now this is about MIL getting healthy and recover - let's focus on that shall we?"
Anonymous
08/04/2014 18:10
Subject: Mom is furious I didn't share MIL's diagnosis with her...
Anonymous wrote:My MIL was diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer about a month ago. She only shared
With immediate family (husband, son, daughter) because she wanted to wait until after surgery to share with others. Unfortunately it looks like she's going to need some treatment to completely get rid of the cancer.
She's now telling other people, including my parents. They get along very well and get together alone from time to time, and correspond through email/phone about once a week but they aren't close friends. My mom lost her sister to breast cancer about 10 years ago and since then has been involve in volunteer work. My mom has a habit of forcing herself into situations and taking over. We recently had an argument about her involvement in our house hunting process and over inserting herself. Because of this,mil had specifically asked Me not to share with my mom until she was ready.
Anyways, my mom has sent me several emails and texts saying how I obviously don't respect her enough to share the info with her. How I don't trust her enough to not tell anyone else/get involved, etc. I finally sent her a text saying "with all due respect, MIL's diagnosis and how she is choosing to go about it is not about you." She then called me a bitch.
Ugh. I guess this is more of a vent than anything. Anyone else have moms who over insert themselves into situations?
This is where I often stop while reading posts here. This is a deal breaker. I don't care how upset someone is about a situation, if my mother, father, MIL, brother, sister called me a bitch then I'm done. Family ties do not entitle you to treat me without an ounce of respect.
But then, maybe that's the way some posters communicate back to their family members.
Anonymous
08/04/2014 17:30
Subject: Mom is furious I didn't share MIL's diagnosis with her...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:All bets are off when your mother calls you a bitch. Do not contact her or speak to her until she apologizes.
This.
But also, it depends on your mom. I have trusted my mom with things about DHs family that I was asked not to share but I needed someone with whom to talk. I made clear that she had to pretend not to know once it became public (or to never have known if it never did). I knew I could trust her to keep it quiet.
I would be hurt if, when grown, my DD didn't feel like she could confide in me and trust me to keep a secret. I would be hurt if I were your mom in this particular situation. I WOULD NEVER call you a bitch for what you did. I'm sorry that happened to you.
You are not trustworthy. If you cannot be trusted not to tell what is TEQUESTED TO BE KEPT QUIET, then you needto request not to be told .
How are you going to be hurt that an adult child is NOT going around spreading news that is not hers to tell.
Everything in life is not about you.
Anonymous
08/04/2014 14:31
Subject: Mom is furious I didn't share MIL's diagnosis with her...
Give your mom a little time to process, especially if she responds emotionally in general, as mine does. I agree with saying it wasn't your information to share, as that was obviously the case. Also calling you a bitch was obviously out of line, and IMO not excusable, but give her a week or so and see how things go.
Anonymous
08/04/2014 12:53
Subject: Mom is furious I didn't share MIL's diagnosis with her...
blame HIPA.
Kidding aside, she was frustrated and likes to be in control of things and needs to relax. She'll come around, she'll understand. Be patient, she's old and as people age it takes adjustment.
Kidding aside, she was frustrated and likes to be in control of things and needs to relax. She'll come around, she'll understand. Be patient, she's old and as people age it takes adjustment.
Anonymous
08/03/2014 19:37
Subject: Mom is furious I didn't share MIL's diagnosis with her...
Agree - this was not your information to share. You respected your MIL's requests. That is all.