Anonymous wrote:This is to a pp. There is no reason or need for anyone other than the parents to "bond" with a child. I'd never heard of this until recently. It is inappropriate for MIL to make such parenting decisions. She isn't the parent.

Um, what? I think that parents get to make parenting decisions. But if you decide that no one else gets to "bond" with your kid, your child will be very, very, lonely.

Lady, grow a spine.

You are allowing your MIL to dictate the situation with YOUR babysitter for YOUR child? Find another childcare situation.

You are quietly allowing your MIL to force a cup against your child's face even though DD is protesting? Say something.

Boundaries!!!!!

Unless you're financially dependent on ILs, you need to put some distance between MIL and DD. All the force feeding may result in an eating disorder down the line. You first loyalty should be to your child, not to ILs.

MIL is Chinese and I have heard that Chinese elder expects younger to accommodate them. For example, when DD was under 6mth old, I was told by DH that when ILs came, we supposed to hand the baby over, not them come over us to ask for holding the baby or pick the baby up. (DH didn't even know that himself, he found out after having a talk with MIL). So as FTM, I am worrying than I am doing something unusual to ILs. I am half Chinese as well but not that extreme or following Chinese culture strictly. I did mention to DH if they want us to follow some kinds of culture rules, gotta let us know because I don't know any of them. And obviously I don't want to cause any difficulties in relationship with ILs so I have been trying to figure out if I was wrong or it is just their problem.

To the feeding issue, yes I am very strict as I try to be best not to have picky eater ( I have seen how much headache it is to have picky eater toddler). I do all I can to get DD to fully self feeding (not just feed herself, I meant to recognize her fullness and eat happily). I have heard forcing will cause food hating, one more bite will cause obesity later in life, etc. Well these are prediction and research and thoughts and every body is different, I know that but hey as a mother we try to do our best for our child. This should be personal thing, thank to PP to understand it.

How old is DD?

I wouldn't move her and cause caregiver instability or a disrupted attachment for your child just because your MIL drops in. You and the daycare workers need to have better boundaries and enforce them.

You sound very strict about food and eating rules. Regardless, your MIL should not be doing things you have asked her not to. just put your daughter beside you at meal time and not beside MIL and you feed her.

I think you need to stop worrying about your MIL's feelings so much and start standing up for yourself.

So, she doesn't interact with your kid when she's there...why would you blame yourself for that?

MIL brings her own food to bring DD, then encourages her to have more when she's done..."MIL, stop, she knows when she's full." "MIL, I've got DD's meal times covered, thanks" "No, really, we have it covered."

Your MIL is an interfering busybody who for some reason can't acknowledge that you're perfectly able to prepare a meal and feed your kid.

OP here. This is slightly different than the topic but I want to keep it together so you all know some background information. As other PP said about bonding, I paid more attention when MIL came last weekend like usual. I thought she didn't have enough time spent with DD so maybe it is why she went to the daycare to see and play with DD. But turn out that she didn't even play with DD much when she visited us last Saturday. She was with us from 4pm to 10pm. DD woke up at 5pm and went to sleep at 9:30pm. The whole time there, she just played or talked to DD a little, like 5 to 10 minutes every hour (estimate). Most of the time she spent reading her newspapers she brought along. I had to keep DD(20 month old) occupied most of the time when I wasn't doing some chores.(DH was working on his car outside until dinner time that day, fyi). Do you think MIL doesn't want to play with DD because I am there? Do I need to leave the house for her to be comfortable to play with DD? (although this sounds ridiculous to me). She rarely joins us when we play. Is it why she rather visit daycare to see DD?

When she was at my house, she put the food she made in the bowl for us but I said 'I don't feed DD 2 hours before dinner (some little snack allow) because DD doesn't eat well if she is half full and wake up at night being often being hungry'. She said 'but you have to feed something her when it is late'. It is 30 minutes later than usual dinner time. After DD had done with dinner for about 15mins. I asked her if she wanted milk. She said yes so I gave her a 1 cup of milk. She drank 2/3 of it and stopped, didn't want it anymore.(MIL was next to DD the entire dinner time.) MIL immediately took the cup and hold it up against DD's mouth to make her drink but DD leaned her head back and refused drinking it. I was right there next to DD waiting for her to be done to wash her hand. I didn't say anything to MIL but asked DD "are you done" and when she nodded, I picked her up to go wash her hand and face. Should I have said something like "she doesn't want anymore, she has enough mom" or "she has enough, don't force her" instead of what I did?

This is to a pp. There is no reason or need for anyone other than the parents to "bond" with a child. I'd never heard of this until recently. It is inappropriate for MIL to make such parenting decisions. She isn't the parent.

Anonymous wrote:Just an update. DH said he told his mom all the points I talked to him. However I found that after DH said so, MIL was still at the daycare when DH picked up DD. MIL also sends her food to daycare lady the day before to feed DD the next day, which I am fine with that. I am not totally happy with it but what else can I do when changing daycare location is not an option ATM.

Talk with the babysitter. Tell her that you only want the baby fed food that you bring her and to refuse food that MIL brings. Also tell her that you're no longer comfortable with MIL's frequent visits to the daycare, and you would prefer she not visit at all.

Ultimately, you need to find another daycare. This is not the end of the world, trust me. You can do it.

Just an update. DH said he told his mom all the points I talked to him. However I found that after DH said so, MIL was still at the daycare when DH picked up DD. MIL also sends her food to daycare lady the day before to feed DD the next day, which I am fine with that. I am not totally happy with it but what else can I do when changing daycare location is not an option ATM.

I talked to DH about these issues. He said he will let me know when he talks to his mom. Hope this doesn't turn out ugly.

My MIL over feeds my kids constantly from the day they were born. It is very annoying, but something I think their generation did. Just say we don't force DC to eat when they are full. You are going to have to repeat yourself over and over.