Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop making excuses for him and find a way to have him return the stuff to the camp.

Agreed. it's sat now so will try on Monday to locate people. It is not right but I am also worried of the consequences. Will they report him to the police?

OP, make him face the music now or the police will be involved eventually when he continues down this path post-18. Covering up for him would be a terrible mistake.

OP here. Got a reply from the email I sent this morning. The camp director said an admin person will get in touch with me end of next week as she is away but so far, he has checked the file and no one has reported anything missing. I have confiscated the stuff and will returning it to the camp. Thanks all.


P/s : They are all random stuff so it may also well be likely he stole from the lost and found. He is grounded nonetheless.

OP, you need to make your son face the consequences of his actions PRONTO. If that means he's banned from this camp in the future? If that means there are changes pressed (doubtful)? If that means you are too embarrassed to send him again? If that means you lose out on a little money you've paid for camp so he can be properly grounded? GOOD.

My grandmother shielded her two youngest daughters from consequences with similar excuses (oh, it'll be a hardship for me, oh, it's embarrassing, oh, it'll mean they will have fewer opportunities in the future). The elder two siblings had been punished and faced consequences because my grandfather was alive -- he'd died by the time the younger two (much younger) were your son's age. Guess what? Both of them were getting prosecuted for things like shoplifting, drunk driving, vandalism, etc by the time they were in high school.

Neither has done anything productive with their lives (one is on SSD and one works at a truck stop) because they were shielded from consequences early on when punishment and facing those consequences would have made a difference, and subsequently "learned" that they could get away with whatever they wanted. Well, that's all well and good when you're a minor, but someday you'll be an adult who will end up in jail, and then you won't ever get a good job, and then your whole life -- poof! -- down the toilet.

These are girls who started out doing things like stealing small amounts of money from neighbors or "borrowing" someone's bike without asking, etc. Could have been nipped in the bud at that stage with some discipline and higher expectations of doing the wrong thing.

I don't know about you, but I'd rather be out some money for a week of non-refundable camp than be out the bail money when my undisciplined kid is prosecuted for worse crimes, all because he learned you would protect him from the consequences.

Anonymous wrote:Calm down, everyone. Maybe the camp said, whatever is left over is free to take. What else would they do with things at the lost and found if camp is over -- keep them for next year?

OP, how did your DS explain it and why would you jump to the conclusion that he is lying and stealing?

And how did he get 4 backbacks home without you noticing it?

Agree with this. I used to be a camp counselor and one of the requirements was that kids came with a detailed list of what was brought. At the end of each session counselors watched over the kids packing and they crossed off each thing as it was packed (the kids not counselors). If kids were missing items then we searched the cabin and lost and found. Leftover items in the lost and found were held over from session to session as kind of a back up if kids forgot something or ruined something. At the end of the last session , it was basically a free for all. Althiugh I don't think we ever had enough for 1 kid to take 4 backpacks full of things.

What are the items? Things that kids could have legitimately left behind? (Sweatshirt, towel, Etc) or something else. Also, is there a reason your kid felt compelled to take these items?

Just seems there are a lot of issues worth exploring

Calm down, everyone. Maybe the camp said, whatever is left over is free to take. What else would they do with things at the lost and found if camp is over -- keep them for next year?

OP, how did your DS explain it and why would you jump to the conclusion that he is lying and stealing?

And how did he get 4 backbacks home without you noticing it?

OP - I posted already, but your original post stayed with me. Time to grow a pair, step up to the plate, do some hard parenting....

You grounded your kid for two days for stealing, and won't let punishment interfere with any of the fun times he's got planned this summer?

You needed other people to tell you to call the camp?

This isn't rocket science here.

OP,

Did he think it was stealing? Lost and founds often turn into free stuff. Was he confused, or was this actually premeditated theft?

I'd handle it with the camp.

11 is pretty old. He had some clue as to the home consequences of these actions before he did it. He knew his parent wouldn't be outraged or at a minimum be afraid of his consequences. By 11, we all knew what would get us in big trouble and this boy wasn't worried.

Count yourself lucky that you found out with irrefutable evidence because it could've been one of those he said/he said discussions and you'd have defended your child thinking he didn't do anything wrong and he would've gotten further confirmation of the limits he was working with.

You should probably have him see someone to get to the bottom of this behavior. You finding all this stuff was a blessing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't have help on the punishment, but please return the backpacks to the camp. My son is still bitter over items he had stolen from him at camp.

The problem is that the camp is closed and no one is returning next week. The stuff are all not labelled either so I am sure the admin wouldn't even know where to start. I am also worried what the camp would do with a boy who "stole". Will they report him? Or ban him from ever attending again? (they run good programs) They are not all very valuable stuff and there are like no cell phones there etc. but there are things that would have cost a little to buy, eg. some camping gear, 2 camelbaks (which i know he wanted for this summer for his bike riding), some other kids sweaters and other personal stuff too.

But it is also possible that these were really in the lost and found I also remembered seeing a big big big heap at the lost and found when I went into the grounds and picked him up one day at camp.

He stole things that did not belong to him. Even if they were in the lost and found, they belong to someone. The value of the items doesn't matter either.

If they ban him from attending again, so be it. It's a fair punishment.

And what will you do about his next camp experience? I would lay down the law that he has lost your trust and will need to work hard to prove he is trustworthy. You need to take the time to check his back pack every day for the rest of the summer whatever program he is enrolled in, and if there is anything missing, he goes right back in to the camp director with it. You also need to talk to your son about why he did what he did. One time maybe, but four times........

I have no doubt the stuff was left behind by kids but that doesn't mean parents won't be looking for it. I work in a school and it always amazes me what kids will lose and not notice or "lose" on purpose so they can get something new.

I would contact the camp and explain that your son took these things home thinking they were unclaimed but that you believe people will be looking for them and make arrangements for him to return them.

Anonymous wrote:Confiscate the stuff. Call on Monday and find a way to return.

For all you know, the mom of the kid missing the camelback will also be calling the camp to find it, and maybe owes his mom for the camelback out of his allowance through Christmas.

It shouldn't matter if your kid gets thrown out, because by the time you finish talking to the administration and return the stuff, you should be too embarrassed to send him again.

To the extent you do not work with the camp and your son to make amends and get the things back to their owners, you are complicit.

Consequences should be dire.

And how did your kid leave the place with this much stuff, anyway?

+1

I agree with the fact that he needs to apologize and return the stuff to the camp. If it's not a local camp, he needs to pay for the shipping out of his own money.

Do your very best to contact the camp. If they never get back to you, I say you still have your son box everything up as if you're mailing it back, and perhaps also have him include an apology letter, then drop the box off yourself at good will.

Confiscate the stuff. Call on Monday and find a way to return.

For all you know, the mom of the kid missing the camelback will also be calling the camp to find it, and maybe owes his mom for the camelback out of his allowance through Christmas.

It shouldn't matter if your kid gets thrown out, because by the time you finish talking to the administration and return the stuff, you should be too embarrassed to send him again.

To the extent you do not work with the camp and your son to make amends and get the things back to their owners, you are complicit.

Consequences should be dire.

And how did your kid leave the place with this much stuff, anyway?