Anonymous
07/17/2014 18:37
Subject: My D wants to go away with BF and family
Anonymous wrote:My D who is 17 has had a BF for about a year. Really nice kid, nice family,etc..they own a house by the shore, are going for 10 days next week. Invited my D to go, when the invite occurred I was out of town on business, my H said it was fine and she has been eagerly awaiting the trip.
I was not happy when I got home to find out that he didn't discuss it with me. I called the BF's mom to be sure what the arrangements would be, but was met with a laugh and a "well, of course she will be in the guest room but I cannot promise what might change in the middle of the night" (insert laugh). It kind of reconfirmed my worst fears.
I cannot stop thinking of this and though I have relented, I am uneasy with it. The BF is 18 and like a man, my D to me at least is still a young lady but still a "girl" not a woman! He towers over her as he is 6'2" and she is rather petite. My H tells me I am being silly and overprotective.
I know many of you are going to say she is having sex. She has sworn updown and sideways they are not. What to do!
You are REALLY stupid if you believe they aren't banging.
Anonymous
07/17/2014 18:32
Subject: My D wants to go away with BF and family
Hello again, the thing is I am going to be going away on business to the west coast for 7 of the days. My H is going on a golf trip with his brother and my other D is in camp, so we could not go and get her and I wouldn't feel comfortable asking them to drive 4-5 hours to bring her home early.
It's either she goes or stays (in which case now she would be alone). My H planned his trip once he knew she was going. I have spoken to her ad nauseum but she rolls her eyes as she is tired of hearing the same thing over and over.
Bottom line, lets put everything else aside, would you let your 17 year old go to a beach trip with her BF and his family?
Just curious if I am being overly reactive or most would be like me.
It's either she goes or stays (in which case now she would be alone). My H planned his trip once he knew she was going. I have spoken to her ad nauseum but she rolls her eyes as she is tired of hearing the same thing over and over.
Bottom line, lets put everything else aside, would you let your 17 year old go to a beach trip with her BF and his family?
Just curious if I am being overly reactive or most would be like me.
Anonymous
07/17/2014 18:28
Subject: My D wants to go away with BF and family
Your husband blew-it parenting-wise by not talking to you first. Ridiculous. I suggest you/he now find a way to pick your daughter up, have her some home early - say on day 3. The entire vacation is too long. It's not the sex exactly that I'd worry about. That's going to happen sometime, and it sounds like she has a significant relationship with this young man. However, the length of the trip is not reasonable for this age. Bad decisions are likely to result from having such little control. It's too long a visit.
Anonymous
07/17/2014 18:07
Subject: Re:My D wants to go away with BF and family
OP, if nothing else you can take a stand on the fact that 10 days is too long for a trip like this, which it is.
I don't know what to do about your DH, but I wouldn't like this either. A weekend, I could possibly let slide, but this is really overkill. Could you compromise and have her go for a few days?
I don't know what to do about your DH, but I wouldn't like this either. A weekend, I could possibly let slide, but this is really overkill. Could you compromise and have her go for a few days?
Anonymous
07/17/2014 18:07
Subject: My D wants to go away with BF and family
I'd say no. This really shouldn't affect the relationship if she stays home. She'll be mad at you, but what' s new with teens?
Anonymous
07/17/2014 18:04
Subject: Re:My D wants to go away with BF and family
Anonymous wrote:OP,
If she has a nice boyfriend whom she's been with a year, I would let her go. (I wouldn't have appreciated the his mom's flip response about the sleeping arrangements.)
You need to talk with your DD about being responsible about sex if she decides to have it and/or is already having it. Seriously, your kid could be having sex any time any where.
I knew someone in college who wouldn't go for a pelvic exam/preventative health screening. She said, "My mom will think I'm having sex." I responded, "But you are having sex." Which she was with her boyfriend. I wasn't sexually active yet, but as a woman, you go for the dreaded pelvic exam. It's time to let your kid grow up. She's going to have sex eventually whether you think she's ready or not. She should be prepared.
I agree with this, though I would also let her go. But maybe a follow up convo with mom where you thank them for looking after your DD during the trip and convey that your DD is still young and while you really like their son a lot and think they make a nice couple, you're conservative about certain things. Something calm and measured and avoiding anything that sounds like "your really tall son might be taking advantage of my underage daughter." It sounds like bf's mom could use a reminder that she still needs to exercise responsibility over your daughter while she's in her care, and at the least she will probably tone down the "jokes."
Anonymous
07/17/2014 18:03
Subject: My D wants to go away with BF and family
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:PS- I love that you posted this in Travel.
I know, my mistake, kind of new to this.
It got moved. But it made me laugh!
Anonymous
07/17/2014 18:02
Subject: My D wants to go away with BF and family
Anonymous wrote:And yes I do trust the parents, but they are known to be pretty liberal and open about a lot more than Iam.
They are also the parents of 3 boys, of whom this one is the youngest - sounds like all of us when we get to kid #3.
Anonymous
07/17/2014 18:01
Subject: My D wants to go away with BF and family
Anonymous wrote:OK need to clarify a few things- she just turned 17 last week and he is turning 19. So they are really 2 years apart.Assuming they are not having sex, and I don't think they are, this will give them ample opportunity, and yes they are alone here and there but when he comes to our house or her to his someones always around. In this case the parents are big golfers and will be gone most of the day (so the mother told me) and to various functions at night and she specifically said they are welcome to join them but she doesn't' think they will want to.
My H is adamant about not reneging on this, he is being very stubborn. Really doesn't think its a big deal. I know its me being paranoid but sub consciously when I mentioned his size and "manliness:" I guess I was just thinking if things got heated one night when no one is home and she didn't' want to take things to the next level and he did,that would really scare me. He in fairness seems like a great level headed kid but a hormone driven teen in the prime of his youth, all bets are off.
So have no idea how to handle this.
You are worried that they will have sex before she is ready. I get this. But this will not depend on going on this trip or not. Maybe now is the right time to really sit down and talk to her about sex, about what it means and the risks and make sure she knows you will be there for her whether she has sex or not. Make sure she is aware of all her birth control options, and make sure that she knows she can call you, any time any place to come get her if she needs it.
Then give her a kiss and send her on her way. You are simply not going to control her sex life and her body. All you can do is arm her to make good choices- and it sounds like she already has. The guy sounds lovely. And a 2 year difference is honestly not a lot, even in teens.
Anonymous
07/17/2014 18:01
Subject: My D wants to go away with BF and family
Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't let her go. My kids can take vacations with their boy / girl friends when they're on their own and pay their own bills. But I'm old fashioned like that...
+1000. She is only a teenager and he is her boyfriend and not her friend. Surprised the parents would invite her for ten days. She is not their DIL.
Anonymous
07/17/2014 17:59
Subject: Re:My D wants to go away with BF and family
OP,
If she has a nice boyfriend whom she's been with a year, I would let her go. (I wouldn't have appreciated the his mom's flip response about the sleeping arrangements.)
You need to talk with your DD about being responsible about sex if she decides to have it and/or is already having it. Seriously, your kid could be having sex any time any where.
I knew someone in college who wouldn't go for a pelvic exam/preventative health screening. She said, "My mom will think I'm having sex." I responded, "But you are having sex." Which she was with her boyfriend. I wasn't sexually active yet, but as a woman, you go for the dreaded pelvic exam. It's time to let your kid grow up. She's going to have sex eventually whether you think she's ready or not. She should be prepared.
If she has a nice boyfriend whom she's been with a year, I would let her go. (I wouldn't have appreciated the his mom's flip response about the sleeping arrangements.)
You need to talk with your DD about being responsible about sex if she decides to have it and/or is already having it. Seriously, your kid could be having sex any time any where.
I knew someone in college who wouldn't go for a pelvic exam/preventative health screening. She said, "My mom will think I'm having sex." I responded, "But you are having sex." Which she was with her boyfriend. I wasn't sexually active yet, but as a woman, you go for the dreaded pelvic exam. It's time to let your kid grow up. She's going to have sex eventually whether you think she's ready or not. She should be prepared.
Anonymous
07/17/2014 17:59
Subject: My D wants to go away with BF and family
Anonymous wrote:PS- I love that you posted this in Travel.
I know, my mistake, kind of new to this.
Anonymous
07/17/2014 17:58
Subject: My D wants to go away with BF and family
Don't have sons and would never allow a son (if I had one) to bring his GF to our beach house.
Anonymous
07/17/2014 17:57
Subject: My D wants to go away with BF and family
And yes I do trust the parents, but they are known to be pretty liberal and open about a lot more than Iam.
Anonymous
07/17/2014 17:56
Subject: My D wants to go away with BF and family
You realize not letting her go to the beach is not going to prevent them from having sex if they choose to. Right?