Anonymous wrote:My friend's sorority sister is beautiful, perfectly fit physically, went to Yale, comes from money, was president of her college sorority, cooks so well she could've opened a restaurant, founded a non-profit, is published, has an interesting and creative career, is the life of the party, has dozens of equally beautiful, smart, interesting friends who seem to love her unconditionally, a constant crowd of attractive male admirers who occasionally fight over her, and seems to get along great with everyone in her attractive, happy family.

She makes me feel extremely inadequate.

She seems amazing, I want to be her friend.

Really great, strong, high achieving women make me strive and re-plan my strategies.

There are people who I envied and put on a pedestal. As years went by, I have learned that it's all relative, you really can't compare people because everyone is wired differently, and has unique circumstances and aspirations.

One old acquaintence, who I enviously put on a pedestal in my youth (but was a genuinely nice guy) recently died young after a long struggle with cancer.

There's nothing like death to make you appreciate someone who is now gone forever. It now seems like such a silly waste of time to have been envious of this person, when we could have been good friends, while he was still around.

Anonymous wrote:NO ONE is perfect. Just get over that idea now, it simply does not exist. You will torture yourself trying to pretend it does.

So true.

OP you are looking at people who are happy people with what they have. They can make everything seem wonderful and envy provoking. My best friend is this way,she is a very happy person and just radiates good things, sunny days and overall a happy life. It would be easy to think her life is near perfect but alas as she is a very dear friend I know her inner secrets and like everyone else, life is not perfect. Sorry to break it to you...but no one's is. I think its more about how people LOOK at life.

Nobody is perfect. I've yet to meet anyone that doesn't have something not 'right' with them.

So when I think of a 'perfect" person, I think of a person that is very kind to others, very trustworthy, and has a great heart. They may not have a great career, big house, and be the best looking person in the world......but they are 'perfect' to me as a human and how they treat/respect others.

Growing up, I heard all the time how my family was "perfect" and was very much like the Cleavers.

We were well behaved, respectful and nicely dressed children who all did well in school and took on leadership positions. We were exceedingly polite and respectful children, so this reputation was earned.

Here's the truth: I had a horrifically miserable and tragic childhood. My dad was a raging alcoholic, my mom enabled him and spent her married life trying her best to keep his secret. We never had friends over because my dad would begin drinking as soon as he got into our house and later, he'd drink en route home, so he'd come home drunk. We were held hostage by our dad's alcoholic rages and whims. He was physically and mentally abusive.

Alcoholic children learn to keep secrets and they do it well. Perfectionism is often overcompensation for misery.

No one has a perfect life. But I do know some people who are very happy and live great lives. They tend to be the more down to earth people who don't have it all in a material sense but have it all in every other way.

Let's accept nobody has a perfect life.
HOWEVER, some people have it much better than others and pretty close to perfect.

Why do you find that hard to accept?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, some perfect SAHM moms who do marathons etc.

I find that people who run marathons are incredibly boring. I'm talking about the amateurs whose goal is to finish or qualify, not actual runners who are competitive in the race. These adults are trying to pretend they have some kind of athletic career long after the ship has sailed. It doesn't impress me and it's bad for the human body. And this ain't sour grapes because I actually did have an athletic career.

The one I am thinking about, does them all the time. She doesn't have to work, though she was a physiotherapist years ago.
She is super fit, rich, hot husband.

I have a couple of friends who seem to lead very charmed lives. I do envy them sometimes. They're nice people, so I'd never hate or dislike them or feel schadenfreude if something bad *did* happen, but yeah, it can sometimes be hard when you're dealing with what seems like a lot of unfair adversity and someone else seems never to have any of that stuff happen to them.

One of my friends who had a pretty charmed life had a rough pregnancy the second time around, after having a miscarriage. It was the first time I'd ever seen her have to deal with anything bad (and she dealt with it well) and that, to me, was a good reminder that bad stuff can happen to anyone, no matter how perfect their lives are otherwise. I can remember, now, that even though her life is perfect, she had to deal with something hard too, just like I have, and many other people have.

Yes, I have one of these friends. She is not rich and lives in a modest home, but the things that really matter seem to be perfect in her life. She has four good-looking, well-mannered children, a handsome and doting husband, a close-knit extended family, a ton of admiring friends and a part-time career she loves serving others. She is unfailingly kind and generous, laughs easily and always remembers my birthday with a thoughtful card even though I forget hers. She is an engaging conversationalist, well read and traveled, head-turning stunning - picture long blond hair, perfect body in her 40s, always in a cute outfit with a smile that makes her even more beautiful. She not only runs marathons, but wins them. Every person I know who has encountered her is completely enchanted.

She is modest and would never consider herself perfect. Of course she has had problems, as we all do, including a health scare with her husband, and struggles with eating disorders and infertility. But she has weathered and overcome them with the support of her family and friends.

I genuinely am not the least bit jealous, but proud that she counts me among her friends. I try to soak up her positive energy and see her as an inspiring role model I'm thankful to have in my life.

I'm pretty awesome and have it pretty good. But I'm stressed that the good times might not last. My level of worry never really changes. When things get rough, I'm focused on legitimate problems. When things are good, I worry more than I should about small problems. I want things I can't have and don't sufficiently appreciate the things I do have.

Life is fractal. There are outliers, but my thinking is that - within a fairly narrow range - most people's subjective enjoyment of their own lives is pretty similar.

I have a friend like that, but she doesn't put her life out there which makes me admire her even more.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one's is perfect OP.

see how I just messed that up.

I like you

Everyone has an unhappy/dark/imperfect side. Everyone. If someone says they have a perfect life, then their imperfection is that they are a liar. Maybe they have a pretty good life, are overall quite happy. But perfect life and person? Doesn't exist.

+1

I don't know anyone who even LOOKS like they are "perfect."

I have from time to time been in situations like this where I have envied someone who seemed to "have it all" and my life just paled in comparison.

They seemed to have the perfect house, the perfect career, a ton of money, the perfect boyfriend/husband/family,etc., the perfect lifestyle as well as the perfect everything else under the sun while I was struggling w/living in a dumpy apt., dealing w/a loser boyfriend and living paycheck to paycheck never getting ahead in life.

Then years later, that "perfect person" would end up getting cancer + having her husband divorce her all at the same time (true story) and it made me open up my eyes and realize that I am truly blessed w/what I already have!

Lesson learned:
Stop looking at others and wishing you had what they had. Look at your own life and appreciate what you have because life is very unpredictable and blessings can switch hands in a heartbeat.

Be thankful and just appreciate today, because it can always be gone tomorrow. Nothing is ever guaranteed. Nothing.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, some perfect SAHM moms who do marathons etc.

I find that people who run marathons are incredibly boring. I'm talking about the amateurs whose goal is to finish or qualify, not actual runners who are competitive in the race. These adults are trying to pretend they have some kind of athletic career long after the ship has sailed. It doesn't impress me and it's bad for the human body. And this ain't sour grapes because I actually did have an athletic career.