At least one of my husband's exes was at our wedding (in the wedding party, actually); I can't remember if any of mine were or not (I think at least one was invited).

However, I knew his ex was an ex, and likewise, whenever he's met any of my exes, I've briefed him in advance. I don't think I'd be happy if he actively concealed that from me, & I wouldn't feel comfortable concealing it from him.

Anonymous wrote:guess what, you can't have your cake and eat it too - which is what you are trying to achieve.

This is like the woman who blew multiple guys on the spot in a sports arena luxury box. She wanted to both have her cake and eat it too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your fiancé doesn't share your views of sex and relationships...don't marry him. I have no problem with FWB or hook ups, but that is something pretty fundamental that you as a couple need to agree on if it is a big deal etc.

I personally know most of DHs ex lovers and FWBs and he knows most of mine. Those that we are still friendly with were at our wedding.

I'm not saying that you have to know each other's exact numbers, but having a similar outlook on sexual mores is important for marriage?

Well right now we DO have same outlooks. I guess in the past we didn`t. I`m pretty sure he`s never had FWB or hookups like you say. So if he finds out I did he`s not going to be happy.

I know telling him is the right thing to do. It`s just like I said I don`t know how to do that. Has anyone had a same situation and if you did how would you recommend i approach this

PP here. How does he react to other people having hookups? Does he act morally superior or just indifferent about the topic? Is he judgemental? You said he wouldn't be happy if he knew. Jealous? Angry? Disgusted?

If he thinks any girl who ever had sex with someone outside a relationship is a total whore..then he isn't the guy for you. Is he a conservative religious person?

If he's just a romantic and likes to be in love before sex, then that can work. But if he won't respect you or feels that he was deceived before marriage...then that's a problem.

No one at the wedding that the bride or groom has had sex with.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:guy here - NO WAY. you haven't told him that you slept with the guys he thinks are only friends. and you can't tell him now - it's way to late to come clean and it will not come off (to him) good at all.

Just invite them and say nothing.

nothing like starting a new life with a spouse blind to deception...and deceived at the goddamn wedding no less!

She hasn't told him before because it's none of his business. She shouldn't tell him now because it's still none of his business and it will just stir up trouble. If those guys haven't been jerks and told him, then she shouldn't either. That stuff is her past. Leave it there.

She's not under oath. She doesn't have an obligation to disclose every single thing. A relationship isn't a deposition.

+1 People are so damn sensitive.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:guy here - NO WAY. you haven't told him that you slept with the guys he thinks are only friends. and you can't tell him now - it's way to late to come clean and it will not come off (to him) good at all.

It probably won't come off good. But he should know the kind of woman he is marrying.

He knows she isn't a virgin. He doesn't need details.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:guy here - NO WAY. you haven't told him that you slept with the guys he thinks are only friends. and you can't tell him now - it's way to late to come clean and it will not come off (to him) good at all.

Just invite them and say nothing.

nothing like starting a new life with a spouse blind to deception...and deceived at the goddamn wedding no less!

She hasn't told him before because it's none of his business. She shouldn't tell him now because it's still none of his business and it will just stir up trouble. If those guys haven't been jerks and told him, then she shouldn't either. That stuff is her past. Leave it there.

She's not under oath. She doesn't have an obligation to disclose every single thing. A relationship isn't a deposition.

Anonymous wrote:If your fiancé doesn't share your views of sex and relationships...don't marry him. I have no problem with FWB or hook ups, but that is something pretty fundamental that you as a couple need to agree on if it is a big deal etc.

I personally know most of DHs ex lovers and FWBs and he knows most of mine. Those that we are still friendly with were at our wedding.

I'm not saying that you have to know each other's exact numbers, but having a similar outlook on sexual mores is important for marriage?

Well right now we DO have same outlooks. I guess in the past we didn`t. I`m pretty sure he`s never had FWB or hookups like you say. So if he finds out I did he`s not going to be happy.

I know telling him is the right thing to do. It`s just like I said I don`t know how to do that. Has anyone had a same situation and if you did how would you recommend i approach this

If your fiancé doesn't share your views of sex and relationships...don't marry him. I have no problem with FWB or hook ups, but that is something pretty fundamental that you as a couple need to agree on if it is a big deal etc.

I personally know most of DHs ex lovers and FWBs and he knows most of mine. Those that we are still friendly with were at our wedding.

I'm not saying that you have to know each other's exact numbers, but having a similar outlook on sexual mores is important for marriage?

Its dishonest. What if someone is drunk at the reception and tells your DH? You lied to him so he would think you were a different person. Better tell him now so he can decide. If he finds out on his own, he will probably divorce you, mostly because he cannot trust you. Then he will begin to wonder what else you didnt tell him....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:guy here - NO WAY. you haven't told him that you slept with the guys he thinks are only friends. and you can't tell him now - it's way to late to come clean and it will not come off (to him) good at all.

Just invite them and say nothing.

nothing like starting a new life with a spouse blind to deception...and deceived at the goddamn wedding no less!

That's why I'm feeling really bad. I don't want deception at the wedding. It's just that early on when we discussed about our relationships and exes I just didn't mention guys who were not really relationships. I figured out that my fiance wasn't as active as I was before we met. He's a traditional man which is something I love about him because he treats better than anyone before him. He's also a bit sensitive though about what I did tell him so I figured why complicate things by telling even more.

guess what, you can't have your cake and eat it too - which is what you are trying to achieve. it's not that I'm advocating for disclosing all your past sexual partners but you and fiance socialize with these guys - and he is under the impression that they're only friends but you fucked them. Imagine how you would feel if your H's friend "Mary" who you've known for years, celebrated good and bad with you, and then you find out she sucked your H's cock for years, gave him her pussy and everything else - and he never told you. All the while, they were carrying on like nothing ever happened - how betrayed would feel? How would you feel if other friends in your social circle knew about them but kept that secret from you?

this is about how much do you actually respect your future H. it's not about you - shocking I know.

Anonymous wrote:You have exes that your fiance doesn't know about?

Yeah, that's a problem.

+1

Would you be comfortable if your fiance was good friends w his ex? And they came to your wedding?

Do not invite them unless they are the parent of your child.

Anonymous wrote:I had a former FWB at my wedding. It had been years, nothing terribly serious, we were still friends and I wanted him to be there. DH didn't / doesn't know - there's really no reason to bring it up.

So it's not being dishonest or bad if they're there and my guy doesn't know? I just feel that it wouldn't be the right way to starting our life together as a married couple you know? It's just that if I tell him what exactly do I tell him?

I had a former FWB at my wedding. It had been years, nothing terribly serious, we were still friends and I wanted him to be there. DH didn't / doesn't know - there's really no reason to bring it up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:guy here - NO WAY. you haven't told him that you slept with the guys he thinks are only friends. and you can't tell him now - it's way to late to come clean and it will not come off (to him) good at all.

Just invite them and say nothing.

nothing like starting a new life with a spouse blind to deception...and deceived at the goddamn wedding no less!

That's why I'm feeling really bad. I don't want deception at the wedding. It's just that early on when we discussed about our relationships and exes I just didn't mention guys who were not really relationships. I figured out that my fiance wasn't as active as I was before we met. He's a traditional man which is something I love about him because he treats better than anyone before him. He's also a bit sensitive though about what I did tell him so I figured why complicate things by telling even more.