Look, I'm a dad and I still say keep the name. As the primary caregiver, there are many ways that having the same last name as your child will make life easier. School papers, traveling, medical care, etc.

Tell your husband that when your son is 18, he can legally choose to change his name to his father's name. Until such time, you need to have the same name as the primary caregiver and parent. And then be be supportive of whatever choice your son makes.

Anonymous wrote:Let child have both names (no hyphen as a last name). That is crappy to expect him to pay support but not have the child have his last name too.

He's not much of a dad. He visits the child and does not provide care. He is required by law, not OP, to provide financial support. If the tables were turned and the mother popped out a baby and then provided no care- the dad alone was raising it- would you think it should have her last name?

PP- It doesn't matter if the child has neither of their last names. He is the biological child of both of them. They both are required by law to provide support. Period.

Let child have both names (no hyphen as a last name). That is crappy to expect him to pay support but not have the child have his last name too.

Anonymous wrote:Forcing him to start a new family? He would have a child just to pass on his last name? He sounds like a total idiot. Since you're the primary caregiver, it makes perfect sense for your son to have your name.

+1

Also Father's Last name as middle followed by mother's last name is very nice way to include Dad's heritage.

The child already has his father's last name...as a middle name. Does the father not have any other siblings to pass on the last name? Is that what he is going on about? Oh well. That is something that he doesn't have control over. I gave my son the name of his father (I am not married to his dad) and my SIL got all bitchy about it b/c she said she felt pressured to produce a boy to carry on my our family name. Sorry honey. She did end up having a boy but don't let other people make your choices for you. You've made your choice. End of story. If he isn't really doing any of the parenting, why should this be his choice?

Someone who thinks threatening to have another child is a legit bargaining technique in this discussion (let alone if he is actually contemplating doing this!) is not someone you want having any extra influence in your child's life.

This sounds just as likely to become an off-again, unfriendly relationship. Leave the child's name.

Please keep the name. I beg you. Caveman can deal.

Keep your munchkin's last name as yours! You are the parent to this kid. Thinking one must keep the male parent's name is so old school. (I'm married to my kid's dad and we made up a last name from both of our names for our kid. Seemed the fair thing to do).

Anonymous wrote:Don't you think the kid having the mom's maiden name is kinda trashy? Makes it seem like you don't know who the father is.

Dumb ass. She was never married, so there is no "maiden" name. Also, many divorcees or widows keep their (ex/former) husband last name and have the same last name as their children. Do you think it's trashy then. What a moron!

Anonymous wrote:You most definitely should not change the name. You are the primary parent and caregiver. You are the one that will be registering your child for school, shuttling him/her to doctor appointments and all of this will be a lot easier for you if you both have the same last name. The name represents your family unit and unfortunately he has not earned his place in that unit. Don't change it! If he wanted you all to have the same name he should have married you, especially if he is "traditional"!

Agree. I am married, but did not take my husband's name. When DS was born, we gave him husband's last name and did not hyphenate, a decision I am fine with. However, not having the same last name as my child is sometimes annoying. Registering for school, making doctors appointments, and airline travel are all some of the things that annoy me, and he is only 4! I share this just to say that you are making the right decision having your child keep your name since you are the primary caregiver. I can't imagine dealing with this annoyance if DH wasn't in the picture.

You most definitely should not change the name. You are the primary parent and caregiver. You are the one that will be registering your child for school, shuttling him/her to doctor appointments and all of this will be a lot easier for you if you both have the same last name. The name represents your family unit and unfortunately he has not earned his place in that unit. Don't change it! If he wanted you all to have the same name he should have married you, especially if he is "traditional"!

The dad is an idiot. His "arguments" are lame. "Forcing him to start a new family" is ridiculous.

Anonymous wrote:Don't you think the kid having the mom's maiden name is kinda trashy? Makes it seem like you don't know who the father is.

WOW!!!! Go back to the cave you came out of, ass wipe.