BTW, I posted the above on kindness. I feel that in many ways I married the wrong guy particularly on this point. It's more that he completely lacks empathy in pretty much any situation, is flummoxed by emotions (mine, the kids, in a movie), and has a hard time connecting on that level. He also is pretty self minded (I can't get up with the crying baby even though you haven't slept in months as I have to go to work), you get the picture.

I saw it before we married, so shame on me. I am very sensitive, probably overly so, very empathetic so it is a hard match sometimes, but we try to approach it as learning from each other. I love many things about him, but this has been a hard area for us.

Kindness. I think integrity and many other qualities go along with it. If you are kind, you don't cheat on your wife. If you are having a hard time with something, in your kindness you deal with it directly. When you are kind, you are not thinking only of yourself. I don't know many kind, unethical people (can't think of a one).

Anonymous wrote:You can only name one and it has to be a quality you can be sure of before living together or getting married.

You can't be completely sure of ANY quality before living together.

But even if you could, I don't think that's the right question to ask. A spouse is a package deal. It all depends on the combination of qualities and how they balance each other out, because ultimately, over time, people change and some qualities become more cemented while others kind of wane.

And there is no one good quality that makes up for a million bad qualities. Period. Even kindness does not make up for a spouse being lazy, stupid, and irresponsible, because at the end of the day, you are going to have your live intertwined in this other person's life.

What you are looking for in a spouse is a constellation of qualities. They may individually wax and wane over time or as the person goes through different stages of life, but they form a pretty solid web or network.

Kindness is one, but also hardworking, responsible, strong sense of humor.

Minimum 7 inches.

Anonymous wrote:Integrity

+1

Steadfast

Kindness.

Loves giving oral pleasure

I'm torn between loyalty and kindness. But some days my DH is just SUCH A DICK and I wonder, would it KILL you to be nice? So I'm going with kindness.

Devotion

Generosity - there's nothing my DH wouldn't do for me if I asked, which is so reassuring!

Knowing your emotional vulnerabilities and never taking advantage.

Compassion/kindness

masculine.

Honesty