Anonymous wrote:Did your DH sexually assualt his sister when they were younger? It happens more often than you would think.

I have to admit that I was thinking the same thing. It appears that something happened in their past to make her hate him so much.

Right, how many sock-puppets are there on this thread???

Not that I wish to diminish in any way the suffering and trauma of sex abuse victims, but there ARE other possibilities!

Sociopaths and narcissists are excellent at targeting their victims and being charming to practically everyone else.
So OP's husband doesn't actually need to have done anything wrong in order for a situation like this to evolve.

My mother has acted horribly towards me, DH and my father, but kow-tows to all her sisters, brothers and the rest of her family. She was bullied and neglected to some extent my her family growing up, and this contributes to how she treats us. Perhaps your SIL is like this as well, OP.

Anyway, this does not excuse her outburst. You have to limit contact, and try to get together with the others without her. When asked why, just say you think she is unstable and you prefer that your kids not be around her. No other explanation is necessary.

Wow. NP here and I too thought that maybe he sexually abused her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did your DH sexually assualt his sister when they were younger? It happens more often than you would think.

This is what I am thinking.

I hate to say it, but this is what came to my mind right away, too. You need to find out what's behind this hostility.

You can add me to this list. Exactly what I thought when I read that. Happened to a friend of mine--her eldest brother. It's sadly more common than people think.

That was the first thing I thought of, too - and I thought it because that happened to a dear friend.

Add me to the list, although I don't have first hand experience with this issue.

Your husband needs to tell you why his sister hates him and you shouldn't attend another family function with your SIL until you're sure he's told you the whole story. He may not be able to fully explain how SIL understands things transpired, but he should be able to pinpoint what precipitated the hostility.

In the meantime, don't bother trying to keep up ties with his family. Until this is out in the open, it's all superficial anyway.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did your DH sexually assualt his sister when they were younger? It happens more often than you would think.

This is what I am thinking.

I hate to say it, but this is what came to my mind right away, too. You need to find out what's behind this hostility.

You can add me to this list. Exactly what I thought when I read that. Happened to a friend of mine--her eldest brother. It's sadly more common than people think.

That was the first thing I thought of, too - and I thought it because that happened to a dear friend.

Anonymous wrote:In poster's defense, sometimes paragraphs don't work on DCUM. I've typed things that look fine and then bam it posts as a brick wall of text.


I'm the one that first posted the question about sexual assault. Whatever the issue is, the fact that your husband is acting completely oblivious to the reason she hates him, probably makes her hate him even more.

That's the key word right there. He knows. Or knew and is now suppressing it. It's not as if he's going to suddenly admit to his wife that he used to grope his sister.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did your DH sexually assualt his sister when they were younger? It happens more often than you would think.

This is what I am thinking.

I hate to say it, but this is what came to my mind right away, too. You need to find out what's behind this hostility.

You can add me to this list. Exactly what I thought when I read that. Happened to a friend of mine--her eldest brother. It's sadly more common than people think.

DH has no clue why sister hates him for 20 years and OP continues to subject her kid to this to keep up "family harmony."

Who has mental issues here?

Anonymous wrote:Your DH has no idea why his sister hates him?

No way is he that clueless.

Regardless, cut off all ties w her.

Anonymous wrote:Sharing a beach house per chance?

I just spit out my water!

There is some sort of dynamic going on that your husband is clueless about. Different siblings will have different memories in a family. Maybe your brother was the golden child and she was always the one in trouble? Who knows! Can you ask another sibling their opinion on the matter? I think it is extremely odd that your husband has no idea why she hates him.

It is a shame she is so passive aggressive and then explodes. If your brother wants to repair the relationship, he should open a conversation with her so she can share her feelings. If he doesn't care, then just avoid.

In poster's defense, sometimes paragraphs don't work on DCUM. I've typed things that look fine and then bam it posts as a brick wall of text.


I'm the one that first posted the question about sexual assault. Whatever the issue is, the fact that your husband is acting completely oblivious to the reason she hates him, probably makes her hate him even more.

Anonymous wrote:You need to learn about paragraphs.

Hahahahahaha. Whew, that was funny.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to learn about paragraphs.

Amen!

+1. Please repost with a few paragraphs so I don't have to skim.