Anonymous wrote:I get very anxious about offending people, yet I'm not easily offended. I tend to worry that I'll say something gossip-y, controversial, or somehow offensive or rude. I'm a people pleaser.

Yet, my MIL is so easily offended and has become very angry with me for seemingly innocuous, conversation-filler type conversations and perceived slights. It's to the point that I have zero relationship with her and avoid her at all costs.

When my brother was married years ago, he and his fiancée kindly sent my ILs an invitation, but for whatever reason, did not invite my SIL who was a recent college grad and living with her parents. My MIL went ballistic - called my DH to complain, told me how rude my brother was, called my brother and yes, wrangled an invitation for her daughter.

Being with such prickly people is beyond difficult! Even at seemly casual, relaxed family get togethers at our house, my MIL raises her eyebrow at everything and I see her staring at me in a weird way.

Lordy, like people who barely know them are supposed to keep track of where everyone lives??!! What a PITA MIL!!! MIL looking for something to complain about much? SO predictable and tiresome. And they wonder why they get a bad rap!

My MIL is a PITA too. She insists on finding differences instead of similarities. Which would be fine if she wasn't bitter and negative. Ugh, draining.

Anonymous wrote:This my sister in law. We just don't get along.

+1000

I think some SILs just don't want "new blood", especially, another female, in the family. Perhaps for fear it would either show her true colors, or somehow make her look bad - as if they are threatened by a new female. Which is rather primitive, if you think about it - animals act the same way, seriously!

Just ignore, OP. Do your own thing, be friendly, and keep your distance. My SIL is spoiled rotten, wants everything her way and is a total brat. No, its not me. Several people have mentioned it to me. I kind of feel bad for her, because she has no idea how others see her by her own accord.

I get very anxious about offending people, yet I'm not easily offended. I tend to worry that I'll say something gossip-y, controversial, or somehow offensive or rude. I'm a people pleaser.

Yet, my MIL is so easily offended and has become very angry with me for seemingly innocuous, conversation-filler type conversations and perceived slights. It's to the point that I have zero relationship with her and avoid her at all costs.

When my brother was married years ago, he and his fiancée kindly sent my ILs an invitation, but for whatever reason, did not invite my SIL who was a recent college grad and living with her parents. My MIL went ballistic - called my DH to complain, told me how rude my brother was, called my brother and yes, wrangled an invitation for her daughter.

Being with such prickly people is beyond difficult! Even at seemly casual, relaxed family get togethers at our house, my MIL raises her eyebrow at everything and I see her staring at me in a weird way.

Anonymous wrote:My MIL will complain if:
-we don't come over enough
-that it's too much work to have people over
-that we spend time with my family
-that she's too tired to come see us
-that we don't give her an exact schedule to come see the new baby
-that we are too strict with timing for when she can come see the new baby
-that we don't seem like we "want help" since we won't give her a chore list
-that we gave her a chore list and are treating her like our maid

It goes on and on and on. It can occasionally be funny but usually it's stressful. She is upset no matter what. It can be freeing to realize that but it's also sad because it just makes us avoid her which is her worst nightmare...

Sounds like my mother

Anonymous wrote:It is exhausting. You keep trying to clear the air, to let things go, sometimes air your perspective, other times keep your mouth shut and just listen. But it's like I never get the benefit of the doubt. And this person is doing the same thing with other people too, I'm realizing.

Is there a way to fix this? Is this about maturity? Life experience? Or is it just a personality flaw that we have to accept and move on? What if it is causing strife in other relationships?

I'm the one who posted above about my MIL being like this. I'm not sure I have an answer, it's something we deal with regularly. I think there's multiple ways you have to approach it. We try to make sure we're doing right by her, even if she doesn't agree or see it. That way we know we're not doing anything wrong. We ignore small comments and occasionally call out bigger ones by pointing out how she's not being fair. That is usually enough to get her to drop it, though I doubt we're changing how she really feels. I'm not sure why she's like this exactly, but I have noticed it's not just with us. She's like this with everyone, at least within the family. She is never happy with other family members and will gladly tell you why. I don't participate when she talks badly about others, I don't usually defend either, I just change the subject.

I'm a people pleaser in a lot of ways. I like to make people happy, especially when it's usually pretty easy to do. I would LOVE to be able to make her happy, even if it's not all the time. I wish I had some sure fire way of knowing she'd really like something. But every single time I've tried, it's blown up in my face. Or she manages to gloss over the good things and focus on the one tiny part that didn't go her way, and make it all about that. I now focus my energy on accepting that she will not be changing. I don't think she can change. So I work on having a thicker skin and not letting her little barbs bother me. Eventually maybe this will lead to me calling out her bad behavior, but I'm not there yet and neither is my husband. I'm not a doormat, but I've stopped caring so much if she's happy, bc I'm learning: she is never happy. That's her choice.

To me, it sounds like a miserable way to live. Good luck OP, people like this aren't easy.

^ OP

It is exhausting. You keep trying to clear the air, to let things go, sometimes air your perspective, other times keep your mouth shut and just listen. But it's like I never get the benefit of the doubt. And this person is doing the same thing with other people too, I'm realizing.

Is there a way to fix this? Is this about maturity? Life experience? Or is it just a personality flaw that we have to accept and move on? What if it is causing strife in other relationships?

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It's one thing to complain or get annoyed about things. I get that a lot of people do that. But to take offense, to turn everything into drama by taking every decision someone else makes as some sort of personal insult! It drives me crazy! I just want to have a good relationship with my family members, but I'm constantly on edge with this one!

A person like that is just very selfish & self-centered. They think everything everyone does has something to do with them. More than likely, that person that got in front of her in line, didn't even see her not, as she thinks, cut her off on purpose. If it was your spouse or your child, I'd say put them in their place, which is not the center of the universe, but with a family member or "friend" you just got to let it go.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It's one thing to complain or get annoyed about things. I get that a lot of people do that. But to take offense, to turn everything into drama by taking every decision someone else makes as some sort of personal insult! It drives me crazy! I just want to have a good relationship with my family members, but I'm constantly on edge with this one!

I hear you, OP. I just spent the holiday weekend with a sibling who did just this. It was exhausting. So defensive.

OP here. It's one thing to complain or get annoyed about things. I get that a lot of people do that. But to take offense, to turn everything into drama by taking every decision someone else makes as some sort of personal insult! It drives me crazy! I just want to have a good relationship with my family members, but I'm constantly on edge with this one!

My MIL will complain if:
-we don't come over enough
-that it's too much work to have people over
-that we spend time with my family
-that she's too tired to come see us
-that we don't give her an exact schedule to come see the new baby
-that we are too strict with timing for when she can come see the new baby
-that we don't seem like we "want help" since we won't give her a chore list
-that we gave her a chore list and are treating her like our maid

It goes on and on and on. It can occasionally be funny but usually it's stressful. She is upset no matter what. It can be freeing to realize that but it's also sad because it just makes us avoid her which is her worst nightmare...

I see you've met my MIL!

I love it. I totally feed the beast and encourage people to air all their grievances! It's hysterical to me. (I'm wacky.)